4/19/26 – Get Out of Your Head & Move!
As I lay on my back right now, here this morning, the connection between my breath, movement, spasms, diaphragm, hip flexors, is feeling all too real. It’s so interesting, how independent of our spinal cord, pathways seem to still exist between our muscles? Like, through our fascia. It’s also weird too, how it’s not consistent on the inhale or exhale? I try so hard to lay here as calm as I can, but try as I might, it almost makes it worse? Because as I’m laying here, writing my notes out, my legs have really only spasmed about once? It’s almost like the direct and constant focus or attention really makes a significant difference as well?
I was trying to mess around with that last night during my walk, focusing on certain things, like instead of my body, focusing on the lines ahead in front of me while walking, or then focusing on my weight shifts, or then focusing on glutes, or upright position. And it seems like the set where I was focusing more closely on upright position and the horizontal lines maybe 6-8ft in front of me, made for the longest set of walking?
I feel like I was starting to come to that conclusion last night, that the less internal focus I have, and trying to focus on the external world, the better my movement, autonomic, and heart rate variability seems to be? Helping Matt out, helping Callie, thinking about what I can do, as opposed to thinking about when I have to go pee or #2 next, seemed to make a difference with my overall body composition? It wasn’t forced, I didn’t try, except to maybe try to actually physically keep moving and help out a bit?
I guess, maybe that’s the move? Trying to just work on being on the move more and more?! Bring the braces, help out, try to tackle the steps so you can do them by yourself? It’s just so weird how my heart rate variability (HRV) was so good yesterday? I don’t typically have days like that when I’m in the chair so much?
Seems like I can last a lil longer to have to go, and try to get your body moving a bit more! And don’t think about your body so much, try to think about what you can do, and what you want to do in your future?!
I’m laying on my back, felt my legs spasm, and instead of trying to focus on them to stop them, I looked up at the ceiling, and counted the vents in the air vent on the ceiling. Tried to sync it up with my breath. Goodness, it helped and kinda worked to calm it all down! Not trying to always internalize it, but letting my body “reflexively” work? Like maybe like how it should? Instead of forcing it? Hmm? Hmmm? Hmmm? Let’s run with that today, let’s see how it goes!
4/20 – Consolidating Thoughts
It’s all (well it’s a big portion) up in our heads. It was interesting yesterday, it was all what I was putting my focus on, what was responding in my body? Like right now, I’m just focusing on my low back and glutes, and sure enough, my body gets into more extension?
Yesterday I wasn’t focusing on having to go to the bathroom around lunch, and although I got uncomfortable after eating, I tried to not focus on it, and the sensations went away, and my focus was redirected to my feet. Doing that seemed to really help because the urge went and I was just feeling my feet!? This is crazy stuff because my body really is doing some wild things!
Now, I’m really wondering how I can get up in the braces more throughout the day? As opposed just once in the afternoon for a workout? I really want to keep incrementing up the use! If I can wear them throughout the day, or portions of the day, this shouldn’t be a problem? I need to open up that lower right leg, and honestly, I might be ready to try this!?
Longer walks, and more frequent ones? My body is responding so it only makes sense to keep pushing him!
So crazy, only so much time in the day! But these glutes and quads really need to show up!
It was also kinda sad and interesting too, reading about Janene’s recovery, and how they got to be put up in plaster casts so early, after their injuries while still in the hospital. I say “so early” and I guess that’s all relative. For me not being able to get into the standing frame until I went home to Michigan, found new physical therapists, and started there is what I meant. It’s just interesting how different countries handle these injuries, and the type of care people receive. Man would it have been nice to have been receiving that type of care! Shoot I wouldn’t have had to go back to the hospital a WEEK after getting out of the rehab hospital, I’m sure. Goodness. I guess that’s why I keep pushing myself because if I don’t, no one else will for me. It’s been a long road, that’s forsure.
Time to get up, I know I’ll have another busy day here. Wait, let’s reframe this as another opportunity to get some work done, work on my legs, and figure out some new problems!
8:10 – 9:00am
9:30 – 11:30am
1:00 – 2:20pm
That’s about 4hrs and 10min total! The amount of back cracking, popping, abdomen opening, breath deepening has been significant!! All the smells! Weird new smells and openness I feel?!
Huge day at PT!!
Great conversation with Callie!
Run around later for house supplies!
Made it on the floor!….
4/21/26 – Spinal Cord Recovery – SC-R
Reflexively, that’s it! Our spinal cords respond reflexively to movement, so not thinking about our bodies, but working on trying to move without being so concious of the movements I think is really what our spinal cords need! I had a great chat with Danica and Ashley about this, yesterday got in the standing frame for longest session yet, loosened up, made more distance in the walker and crutches than ever! This was huge! I need to keep just letting my body move, and getting in the standing frame really helps facilitate that by allowing me to be prepped and not so dang tight!
I’m shook right now! It’s 5:30am, I actually slept thru the night! All this work on my bowel and bladder, by working on not thinking about it so much, got me my first full nights rest I think since the accident! I woke up before the alarm, but can’t win em all!
The conversation I had yesterday with Callie was extremely fascinating! I mentioned to her how I want to read some books from Oliver Sacks, Susan Sontag, and Richard Feynman. Susan is who we talked about mostly, about how our culture and societies views on illness and injury are interesting, to say the least! Callie started to tell me about this because she had learned about this book from her Medical Anthropology class, while at UWM! She started to tell me some very interesting ideas I think I was hoping to learn from the book, almost a sneak preview, of sorts! Need Callie’s help explaining this!
The idea that drug addiction is not a “disease”, but an illness, takes away from the fact a couple of very interesting and important ideas. ….. need Callie’s help explaining this!
I then started to relate this to my “injury” (for here on out, I’m going to be changing the verbiage and how I address this!) and how similar of an idea this is as well!…..
The fact of the matter is we do have a choice, not for the injury itself, but what we do afterwards, in our Recoveries! We aren’t destined to be defined by an accident an injury from our past, especially because it has been proven (citation needed), that our spinal cords heal almost as well as our brains, and neuroplasticity is real! Which is why I’m seeing gains (albeit small) every day!
I think the way we talk about this is hugely important, for ourself, others, and new folks who recently were injured. We shouldn’t be defining ourselves by that, but by the Recovery we are all able to make!
Body is feeling quite alive this morning! Need to try to get up as much as I can today!
Got up quite a bit in standing frame today at work. Modified braces for larger lower right calf. Need to tighten ankle so it’s not loose.
It’s awfully fun, having to constantly try to have to explain all of my emotions. It’s really great when this happens, because I’m totally aware and fully conscious as to why I’m upset, angry, tired, uncomfortable, or in pain. Also my whole life’s preparedness for this is totally there. You can hear the sarcasm in my voice, right? Well, turns out it feels almost impossible to ever guess what my body is going to do in almost any given situation.
4/22/26 – New Challenges
New day. New challenges. I have a partner, and I want to be able to work together with her. It’s very interesting, navigating life’s challenges from such a different perspective. It makes for a pretty tricky time, if I’m being honest. But I’m trying. One day at a time. That’s about all I can do. A little better every day.
The meditation and rest I did last night has got my legs feeling confused. I guess it wasn’t as restful of a position as I was thinking it would be, but I also think my legs and body need time to adjust. Nothing is easy the first time I do. Actually, if I’m doing something new, it’s gonna be hard. Turns out that’s been pretty true for so much this week. Nothing is straightforward as it seems these days, and I always seem to be given a run for my money.
It’s hard to face reality. It really is. There’s challenges around every corner, and it’s hard to face them all with equanimity.
Had a busy day. It’s 10:30pm. Work, home repairs, and didn’t ….
4/23/26 – Revamp Plans
I fell asleep taking my notes last night, goodness I was tired. Goodness, I don’t know if I feel that rested either, if I’m being honest! I need to figure out who can help me go for walks, because this whole 9pm thing isn’t working out super well!
I might need help from the students at PT! Let’s see how it goes! I asked Ashley!
Boy oh boy, my body is responding! I really need to keep up the work! Now is not the time to slow down!
My body is feeling crazy different as well! Lots of low back and SIDE activation! Feet are feeling different, only tingly up top? Quads are on, and hamstrings aren’t feeling so tight! I have been doing some guided meditations when on the floor at night, and I think it’s really helping!
Honestly, I need to remember to do my 100s up in the standing frame! I really am feeling how when I get in the standing frame, how limited my breath is, and how much work it really needs!
Therese was saying to me, “you know, the day where you can just push thru your legs and pivot into the chair aren’t far away” really has me blown away! I need to constantly be thinking about these future plans and goals, it really does help shape how I see myself and how I hope to progress each day!
Made it on floor for a WHILE! Great to get stretched out!
4/24/26 – Hundreds for Good Hope
My legs right now are feeling extremely full! Like two logs down there, filling out circumferentially, from deep within to the outside. Oh I want my hips to relax, my glutes to stay on, and my legs stay extended, even for a bit! It’s never easy for me to do this in the morning, I just want these fellas to get out straight!
It’s so crazy how there was a bit of a step change for getting my legs in extension yesterday on the reformer, and boy was it apparent to me how important my breath is! This whole night, if my body was spasming in any way, if I started to take deeper breaths thru my mouth, they would stop, and I could get back to sleep! This was even how yesterday, I did the 100 on the reformer, and then when I went to do my leg work, my legs were going more in extension! I need to do this in the standing frame and get my lungs going! Excited to get the Handcycle and keep that progression up as well!
There’s never a shortage of work to do. On my body, at work, at the house, on my project. Goodness I seem to have filled my days to the max! I really need more hours in a day! I’m gonna have to get busy on the Handcycle too! That race is coming up!
Oh. Hope. That’s how it starts. Whether it’s hope in yourself, hope for others, and hope that something‘s gonna happen, I think that’s how it’s got all start? It’s really tough if you don’t have any hope in yourself, I feel like there’s a very small chance that you’re actually going to try to do almost anything. if you don’t ever think that you could run a mile and never try, you probably never will? If you don’t think you could ever learn a new language, you’ll never put any time or effort to actually making all those new connections and being able to speak in new language? Is it really all that much different in our body? Because, I don’t think it is.
This was pretty amazing using the bio feedback on that part of my body because it clearly showed activity when I was activated and when I was relaxing, it would smooth out the activation levels didn’t drop completely, but they smooth out and definitely much more callm.
It’s really interesting, because their stuff going on in my body, that I don’t know if everyone would’ve thought would be happening. I’m still trying to make sense of it all, but it really does seem to go to show that. Hope really seems to go along way.?
What even is hope? I’m asking this question right now, and it’s wild how foreign of an idea this seems? I think we all know what hope is, but how often are we actually using it? Hope for a better tomorrow, hope we get that raised that we want, shoot, hope that we we’ll get a table at the restaurant that we wanna go to! The other wild part is how I didn’t notice until right now, but I’m driving on good Hope Road? What are the odds of that? I don’t even know what to make about this right now, that the better just keep working on these things every day.
Standing frame 100s!
4/25/26 – The Hundred & All The Projects!
The amount of things on my mind right now is absolutely wild. My head is spinning! It’s almost like Callie and I are gearing up for something more, doing all this work now is just helping us prepare for it?
We had a nice time out last night! Here we go for the cabinets!
When we got back, I got in the standing frame for a bit, and did my 100s up there, and my legs and body right now are feeling so interesting and full because of this!? There’s more I need to explore and expand on with the 100, especially because my lungs are probably not at full capacity by any means yet!
All the projects, all the work that needs to get done, is enough to make your head spin! We’re really giving this house the once over, I’ll tell you what! Goodness!
Working on having my legs extend out while in bed right now, and my breath is such a large influence, it’s insane! Quite remarkable, really! Which is why Therese is always saying I need to do my 100!
Decided to try to do my 100 before I get out of bed, let’s see how that goes! I’m hoping we can go for a walk this morning before we leave! Lots to do!
I’m not gonna lie, the fullness, constant engagement of my legs, has felt exponentially higher today, in my quads, outer legs, calves, and my toes are feeling especially full! I was noticing while driving earlier home, after a long day in and out of the car and home improvement stores, my breath was very shallow? Difficult to inhale deeply, and it just felt like I had all this tension I desperately wanted to let go of, but it just wouldn’t?
These feelings of “wanting to inhibit”, slow my body, and relax, is so extremely hard for me to achieve? But why? What is it, that I’m needing to do? The opposite of where I am? I have noticed that prone lying end of night really helps, but how to do this more throughout the day?
Okay, in the standing frame right now, and doing the 100, and honestly… This has got to be the most wild my body has felt a change in such a short amount of time?! THIS IS INSANE! I can literally feel my body slowly moving from short shallow breaths, small movements, asymmetry leaning to one side, to —> Moving my arms more, taking deeper breaths, and feeling more stable all while I’m counting to 100, with 5 inhales and 5 exhales???! What on earth is this? What is happening right now? How could such a seemingly simple movement be causing such a large and significant change in my entire body!?
I can breathe more deeply now, my legs feel more even, I’m standing up straighter, glutes are more even, feet and toes are filled out and sensing so much more!
I really felt that, just a moment ago, where my back, my entire back, is needed to help keep my legs in extension and push them out! These are all steady updates and progress! We will have to see where this all goes next week!
Made it on the floor, did some hip movements and opening moves, and then was able to get prone before bed. It’s been a long day and need some rest. Let’s hit it next week!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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