4/12/26 – Sunday Observations
Taking a weekend and the morning to get myself recharged and recouped from the week, as opposed to having some drinks Friday and Saturday night, has been a welcomed change. I always have such a hard time in the evenings not socializing and “being in the thick of it” for a social event, and that’s been hard on me during my recovery. Turns out, it’s just something I really enjoy! I like that, and it’s hard being in a position in my life, that I cannot do that right now. My body really needs this time to recoup, to get some movement in and rest, and set myself up for a better week, as opposed to feeling so overwhelmed!
My legs right now side lying, are FEELING SO MUCH ACTIVATION! I really need to hit the Lat Pulldown Machine, and work these low low back muscles, or try to do some modified deadlifts or something!? That would be good too!?
I’m always working on the breath during these moments, trying to allow my hips in extension, my posterior chain to engage, and feel the activation and awakeness all below me. It’s a good time in the morning to do this, since I’m not bothered by much at all!
I feel my left and right side evening out! All these walking sessions and reciprocal movement is helping both sides activate and inhibit at the right times more and more! Also the floor time / prone time is helping tremendously as well!
Anomaly detected: low back cracking in my lumbar region. New area of spinal movement
Hallway walk – completed! Worked on movement initiation with leaning forward so much!
Floor time before bed – wiped out
4/13/26 – Autonomic Nervous Differences
This is INTENSE! The amount of sensation and activation in my lower legs, calves, feet, ankles, beds of feet, soles, inner and outer foot, is off the charts this morning!!
PT notes: Lean forward! Stretch out adductors. Had a good session working on crutch work
Standing frame PM
No electrolytes or floor time, but pelvic floor work AM & PM
Morning standing frame session – parasympathetic, evening standing frame session – sympathetic
Interesting note for standing frame sessions?
It’s so weird, it’s almost like I have a “group” or “bunch” of signals, that I’m able to send down to my legs at one time. If they don’t go to the right place, then they get lost or jumbled, and turn into spasms, overly tight muscles, and pain and tightness. when they’re working right, my body seems to be working better in unison? Like right now, instead of focusing on the right hip flexors and hamstrings, I’m ignoring them, and focusing on my glutes. Just my glutes. Just squeezing them. I’m able to take deeper breaths without spasming, my hips seem to be relaxing, and my legs are a bit more in extension than usual?
It’s interesting because I can feel the tight left hip letting go, the more I keep squeezing the left glute. But it has to be at these quiet times, times where my sole and only focus is that muscle group. I guess I always hope that the more I do this, the more muscles I’m able to coordinate at once I get a little ab contraction going too, maintain glute contraction, and just feel it out.
I know these glutes need work. Neurologically and muscularly as well. I just had a left hip spasm, my left leg is going into extension more, and I can feel the pull into my abdomen. Maybe these morning sessions need to be just that? Glute only focused, doing the different styles of contractions and relaxations?
Cockpit / Entrance
During my pelvic floor work, I see myself in this darkened hallway, almost warehouse type setting. I’m standing tall and alone inside the hallway, looking out towards this round, circular doorway, its mechanical where the opening is able to open and close in a circular, radial manner. There is bright sunlight on the outside of the doorway. When I contract the muscles the doorway closes. When I relax the muscles, the doorway opens and lets the light in. This visual has helped me tremendously! I wonder if this could work for other muscle groups? When I try to contract 25%, 50%, 75%, or 100%, I’m able to visualize the doorway opening or closing to let light in to those percentages. I think it helps! I’m just now trying it with my glutes, and can feel how difficult after I contract to 100% and then try to open the doorway to let full light in, (0% contraction) it’s really difficult to let go, and let the light fully in?
I’m going to have to play around with this visual! I think this is really helpful, because it gives my mind another “set” of information to send to my motor cortex, while I’m trying to engage and active the muscles below my level of injury! More on this to come! The “Empty Doorway” or maybe, “Entrance to Decompression”? It’s the hallway and tunnel used to exit the spaceship, is what I’m kinda seeing? Like the round section on the millennium falcon opening up to serve the function of ingress and egress to the space station? What’s that called?
The isolation insight is worth marking as a real discovery. Your breakthroughs have usually arrived at the edges of conscious control — hypnagogic states, passive positioning. This is different: it’s the opposite pole. Hyper-narrow conscious focus on one muscle group as a way of quieting the noise everywhere else. Both poles seem to work; the question your writing hasn’t fully asked yet is why.
• “Entrance to Decompression” is the stronger title. Decompression does double work — the airlock function of pressure equalization, and the psychological release you’re after. That’s the kind of word that earns its place.
On your Millennium Falcon question: what you’re picturing is an airlock — specifically the docking ring or docking port, the circular iris-style hatch used for pressurized passage between vessels or stations. The circular radial opening/closing mechanism is classic airlock design. The fact that your pelvic floor visualization landed on the same geometry as a pressurized threshold — something that regulates what passes through, controls the environment on either side — is not nothing.
Huh, wild I’m able to come up with these thoughts in the morning?!
Took a day of rest
Did some floor work, light movement
Standing frame for 2hrs
4/15/26 – Long Ships Passing
Long Ships Passing- Dropping Anchor
I’m just a man
In this vessel, In this boat
Trying to float
Headed where? Not always sure
Only rowing – Paddling
Moving these Oars to keep afloat
There’s this place
In my head that is safe
Keeping me inside
Trying to stay alive
I’m just a man
In this vessel, In this boat
Trying to float
Better get up, I took some extra moments to get some extra rest this AM, as the week progresses it’s always each day getting more and more tired. Trying to change that. Legs are feeling warm?
So I was up in the standing frame for a good amount of time today, Pilates, standing frame. I need to get on the floor to give my body some intentional “rest” time for my low abdomen, and hip flexors. Up in the standing frame, and I can feel how tight these boys are.
On Floor. stretching out. abdomen and front lower abdominal/ pelvic region really needs some work!
Making space in my future for a version of myself up standing and walking. What does that look like? What am I doing? I had this thought earlier today, and it gave me this feeling like I needed to do something about this? I’m not even sure where this idea came from? But I feel like it’s important? Basically, I want this. I need to keep up this hard work! It’s slowly but surely working!
Whats it truly feel like, in your entire body, starting from your diaphragm and expanding outwards, to take a truly deep breath?
4/16/26 – House Closing!
Other people call it “Injury” I call it Recovery. People say disabled, I try not to let this accident and injury stop me from doing anything, and I am working on walking right now. I guess, every morning I wake up hopeful that I’m feeling more sensation, activation, and new feelings, and I’m trying to create a space in my life for my recovery and healing. I don’t know? It seems weird? But it also seems to be working? Every day I wake up something new I’m able to sense?!
My lower body, I feel a “Triangle” of intense sensations. My low back, like the sacrum area is the one point, and then my outer quads, are the other two? I wonder what this is about?
Low abdomen and obliques are feeling very active today! I really needed that prone time before bed last night! Goodness!
I’m trying to continue to add movement for my body each day. It sure is a lot sometimes, but I’m really feeling so many areas change, coalesce, and work together!
Wow, well today will be an exciting day! Better get moving!
Honestly it suck’s being in this body. I guess it’s the only one I have and the only one I got. My brain hurts. I have a headache. Everything in my body is pissed I didn’t move around, eat, go to the bathroom at the right time. I have no idea how to constantly appease my body or myself.
I have a headache. Ugh. It’s hard. To fit it all in a day. It’s hard. It’s so hard to keep up with it all. It’s so hard to squeeze all of it in.
It’s hard when the eyes of love don’t meet. There’s always a sudden sadness that comes from the lack of eye contact. Mystery. Confusion.
My body feels so twisted right now. Up in the standing frame I’m working on being straight, but boy is it tough sometimes.
I’m reading about a story of a gal from Australia, who suffered a spinal cord injury. It’s simultaneously sad and hard to read about the type of care she received, vs me, while I was in the rehab hospital. Sigh.
WE CLOSED ON THE HOUSE! Exciting times!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!!! maybe a day that wasn’t super full of movement turned into quite the exciting day!! So many papers to sign! I cannot believe this is happening!
4/17/26 – Balancing It All
Balance. I need to make sure I incorporate some balance with this new house development! My legs really need constant attention, and constant work! If I don’t want to loose the gains I’m making, I need to make sure I keep working on my body every day!
It’s so tricky, balancing it all. Somethings have to give. But I don’t always like that. It feels so, weird and untrue to myself. But then again, what’s more untrue to my current self? There’s only so much time in the day, and people want to help, so you have to be willing to let that help in. I guess, it just feels so weird. I never envisioned a future where I bought a house and wasn’t really able to work on it. But if I want to actually work on and enjoy the house, I need to keep up on my current plans and trajectory? See the conflict?
I just need some balance. Getting up in the braces, in the walker can be done anywhere now! It doesn’t have to just be here at the apartment! Bring em along! Move around your new house for a bit! Who knows you might surprise yourself and find out that you can do things you aren’t able to do in the chair like this, in the braces or walker? Maybe you can help in different ways? One day at a time, just give yourself that, Joe.
I also need to not “force” my legs out into extension? I’m feeling and realizing I need some contraction and relaxation to take place to be able to let them get in extension better! It’s weird I almost have to “let it all go” or something?
Okay, weird thought. It’s related to hydration. When I got done with the visceral manipulation, my body is so loose, feels almost more “smooth”? Like the signals being sent aren’t so jumbled and static-y. It makes me wonder, if all this too, is really just helping reinforce the idea of making sure I drink enough water throughout the day? I don’t quite get why I don’t ever feel “thirsty” anymore? But I’m wondering, what if I’m thinking about it wrong? What if I should use the cue’s as static-y, tight, not “fluid”, or smooth, as my cue to go grab a drink of water?
This seems so obvious, but when your body isn’t telling you the right things anymore, or if it’s telling you new information you have to decode, it makes for a trickier time. And I think this might be part of it, because I want to try to figure out how to help keep my body moving and more fluid much more throughout the day!
Made it for a walk, boy was my left leg adducting like crazy!
Made it over to the house!!
Made it on the floor to stretch out in prone before bed too!
4/18/26 – New House / New Observations
Okay, so this is interesting. My low low back, really seems to have a connection growing with my legs again!?! It feels like this part of my body is what helps counteract hip extension?!? I can feel these muscles waking up and coming back online! It’s pretty incredible! I’m curious if I start to do some modified deadlifts, if I can continue to grow this connection? Maybe try them too with feet on the floor? To really maximize the effects?!?
I need to think of things I can do in the chair to help my hips and knees in extension… trying to do modified bridges? Well, I guess first I need to modify these grab handles so I’m not getting poked in the upper back with metal anymore! They are sharp and hurt! But I could even try to push thru my feet and pivot back a bit in the wheelchair, to try to do some hip thrusts / glute bridges? Bringing the leg stretcher too, wouldn’t be a bad idea? I guess we have a lot of work to do on the house, my body, and my project! There is no shortage of tasks right now, that is for sure!
Hydration has been one of the single greatest, or most determining effects yesterday for overall tightness, today too, let’s try to “over hydrate” and see how much I’m able to accomplish!
My whole lower torso seriously feels like it’s loosening up so much! My right abdomen last night had the sharp pain of wakefulness that I get when a new part of my body rapidly comes back online!?! That was uncomfortable but also extremely pleasant of a surprise! Which is great! My body is responding to all the standing frame, walking, visceral manipulation, prone time work in getting in for all of these almost daily now!! This is so exciting!! I can feel how my low front abdomen gets tight, and I feel like he just wants to be vertical more and more often! I’m trying to create some space so this can happen in my future?
What can I do around the house in the braces? Can I be helpful or useful? It’s so tough because I need my hands right now for locomotion? I’m curious what I can do for renovations and braces?!
This low back though, I feel it. I feel him responding in my QL’s, really helping get my legs in extension! I just need to work him in and give him some opportunities!
How much “pain” are we able to tolerate, before it’s not really “pain” anymore? Because the urge to have to go #2 has been very interesting to have to feel and witness changing in sensation, the more I try to “accept” or sit with the sensation?
Well, this is awfully interesting? This is so odd to me?
that my stress today and Heart Rate Variability, were the way they are? High heart rate variability, lower stress, no standing frame, or walking until 8pm? I was trying to help work on the house today?!
I honestly wonder what it is? The constant movement? The lack of screens or screen time? The conversations? I am honestly not sure? I’m absolutely exhausted right now and I’m not sure what to make of it all right now?
Laying in bed.
Caught a dream.
Every moment
Hear the streams
Of consciousness
Storms, rolling thunder
Feeling loose, but tender
As we all
Fall from under
As my lips buzz and tingle
As I breathe in the light
Before we learn and talk
About…..
To be contd’
The Astronaut on Earth 
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