7/19/26 – The Shake Up – Who Is The Skeleton On The Moon?
This constant activation when I’m awake and during the day has really been making the activation and sensation in my legs stay with me throughout the day!
Have you ever grown up, learn things, loved a life, and learned things on your own, only to have to do almost everything completely different later in life? No? Yes? Well, it’s something, to say the least. It’s not always fun. It’s weird what it does to your brain? Always having to ask “why is this different?” “Why is it this way?” Then pair this with situations where you can’t do just what you want to do. It makes for a very difficult load on your cognition. It’s very peculiar.
All of this to say, each day has its own struggles. Never seems to be consistent but they pop out of nowhere. It’s also very odd, how much a human can “think” about their own problems too. I guess that’s something built into me, trying and attempting to fix things. Even if it comes down to relationship issues. They can all be fixed. It’s just what tools or techniques are needed to help them along the way?
“What a gift to be alive” is the words on the back of this silly shirt I’m wearing today. I liked the skeleton on the moon image that came along with it. That phrase, image, and my perspective right now slams a lot of that together, and makes me think. About what defines Being alive. What defines a gift? Who is this skeleton on the moon?
From each and every perspective out there, you could get a million different answers for any of those questions. Doesn’t make any of them more right than the other. Or does it? Are there definitive answers for those questions? Like what’s being alive? Seems straightforward, but is it? The action of being? And the adjective ‘alive’, is this the biological definition? Or what? All these questions and the act of questioning all this is awfully existential. Huh. Questioning in its own right.
This all comes back to language. We have language for speaking, math, coding. But what about the language for healing our body? I get and understand that doctors, physicians, PTs, they all talk in “medical terms” but is there something else / more to healing our body? Is there an emotional aspect / psychological aspect that is necessary? Because I’m almost wondering, what else could there be?
I guess, language in and of itself is a system to help describe observations, and allow us to repeat them, to others? As in 2 + 2 = 4. That’s a simple math equation that allows one to understand how 2 parts add to become another. The quadratic equation, allows us to find variables in an algebraic equation to then fit a specific formula. A geometric proof helps explain geometric relationships. All the way down to various coding languages, which allow us to communicate in a simple example, convey If / Then statements to further help us explain relationships among larger datasets, and help further automate mathematical relationships, that then can help us better analyze larger sets of information?
All this to say, wouldn’t be possible without some form of language and communication? Our bodies are very physical. I don’t think I can just talk my way back to walking. But what if there was a way to better communicate happenings in my body, to make / help find better relationships, and allow my body to make stronger connections?
Huh, I wonder what this could or would look like? if / then statements / programs for our body? “Computer programming or coding is the composition of sequences of instructions, called programs, that computers can follow to perform tasks.”
I’m wondering if this exists for Neurology? To better help explain what is going on functionally inside our neurological system? Sounds like I have some investigation to do!! Time for sleep!
7/20/26 – More Dreams & Sensation – Knee Goo!
I really think my body metabolizes things quicker, because I am not sure it’s just the CBD balm or what, but my hips and knees are getting into extension so much better right now in side lying! My low back is engaged, glute med and glute max, more hip muscles I’m not familiar with, IT band / outer legs, knees, rib anterior, gastroc’s, ankles, soles of feet, you name it! I have been trying to get my neck in extension more and more, keep shoulders down and back, and let my body feel and get into extension!
I had so many dreams this past night as well, it was crazy! My mind went all over the place! I really needed some sleep this past night, so I tried to get an extra hour. I think I really needed it!
Yesterday while watching the World Cup, I made it on the couch! On and off the couch a couple times! What I was also doing when I was on the couch was trying to stand up from a seated position, in a low squat, and boy let me tell ya, my legs were really engaging! It felt maybe a bit more like isometric engagement? How do I expand it to concentric engagement?
But this low back and straightening of my spine! So much engagement! I hope today will go well at PT, this attempt at higher quality standing and stepping I think will have some really good overflow and effects! Just need to keep up the progress!
How are tendons innervated? Because I feel like what I’ve learned about physiology tells me they aren’t…. But I’m beginning to think that’s not true….. because I’m using my “knee goo” as reference, and I’m noticing how this area fills out when my feet are planted on ground with brakes unlocked, free movement. Also when I take a breath in during these times, they also get fuller? Movement and breath?
This “knee goo” – is actually my patellar tendon! This is expanding and contracting with this type of passive movement, as well as with my breath! What affects tendon elasticity and stiffness?!
Workout went well!
More time brakes unlocked!
7/21/26 – Neurological Fatigue
Honestly, I think the neurological fatigue is real! Yesterday it was a brakes of kinda day, and I was able to activate my legs continuously so much throughout the day because of this! I was shook when I did my workout with my OT Joni, because I felt that much more stable! She noticed too! Which is pretty incredible!
I think it’s interesting how with consistency and new salient activities, my body continues to respond! Just like a child! They are always experiencing and participating in new and novel activities, and honestly, I need to keep this up with the body! The Air Chair behind the boat I think will be another great example of this!
My whole abdomen is firing like crazy, upper and outer legs, heck even down into my lowers and feet!
But back to this body language of healing…. I have some work and research to do on Language! I think it’s interesting how some of the first neurologists were making discoveries because of lesions or issues with the brain….. kinda like what I’m doing with myself?…..
Rest day for the body after work.
7/22/26 – Rough Night – Big Day for Movement
I slept awful…. I was up for longer than I can believe. I cried so much I woke Callie up. After many moments passed and I stopped my monologue in tears, I hear Callie go, “don’t leave me. Don’t give up.”
I won’t. I can’t. I know this is harder than I can imagine sometimes, but I won’t. I had said to her, everything is hard. I just need to keep moving. Keeping myself busy and the relationships I have keep me going. Having a sense of purpose is also what keeps me going. Who knows if I’ve found that yet.
I’m thinking about all the setbacks I’ve had to go thru in life. I guess, depending on what setback it was, it gave me the opportunity to learn even more about myself. It doesn’t always feel that way at the time, but I’ll be honest, I’ve learned a lifetimes amount of new info in less than 3 years is what it feels like, if I’m being honest.
I’m tired today, but also not tired. I have said before it always seems like we need less sleep than they say, but probably only for short stretches.
My quads feel like they are growing out of my hip flexors?! My left leg especially is really pushing out into extension! Odd how the pull in my lower abdomen is so similar right now as it is when my hip goes into flexion? I’m learning these new sensations and tension. It’s taking time to learn how to differentiate between different sensations.
Alright, sooo today was a pretty incredible day for movement of my legs!! PT I did some great progress for my walking and standing endurance, made it to Pilates for a great session too! I was able to get in extension far better because of all the walking I was doing before! This was incredible!
On the Reformer, I was pushing out with my legs better than ever! I even got on the straps, and was pushing out in different ways I never have been able to do before! It was pretty amazing! Therese said something that stuck with me, “It’s pretty amazing, from our brain to our feet, how connected we really are! It doesn’t end!” She mentioned this when my legs were trying to stabilize and then kick when I was on the Cadillac, laying supine, and doing arm and shoulder work! Pretty incredible, really.
The days I do more — less sleepy
The days I do less — sleepy + restless.
It’s such an interesting dichotomy, and I need to remember, it’s just all the movement, really! Any and all forms.
My right side is activating extremely more then just a few hours ago, so I’d really like to keep this progress up!!
Better get some rest, extremely exhausted!
7/23/26 – Body Like an Infant
My body has consolidated so much movement and information from yesterday!! This has been a huge night of sleep! I was letting my body just feel everything, any new inputs or sensations, I was just allowing in. I realized and had a thought too, my body is like an infant and I need to let as much in as I can. So I’m just letting it happen. Not forcing it or stopping it.
Busy day yesterday! I’m shocked with how well my body responds with so much input! Let’s just try to keep the stimulus up!
Bike ride today, and I changed up my breathing pattern! Instead of inhaling and exhaling on each half of the push and pull portion of the crank stroke, I took long slow breaths for 5, inhale for 5, exhale for 5.. almost kinda like the Hundred…. This was wild too, because it produced a very interesting effect! My heart rate slowed, my speed picked up, and I was able to complete the motion and the cycle more easily!! This was super cool and I was NOT expecting that to have happened!
Okay so what’s crazy, is I just tried to lean to my left side… and I like, kinda did! My head got disoriented, like it was a new position for my head to be in, and he wasn’t used to it! That’s so wild!
I was thinking about the breath, and how crazy the changes it can make to our bodies. It’s so interesting, I never would have guessed it, if I’m being honest? So weird?
My body was finally able to get up in the standing frame for a bit here at the end of the night! Busy day and got some cabinets in!
7/24/26 – BUSY DAY
Busy work day, PT walk, and cabinets in at the house!
7/25/26 – Neuro Wedding Party!
I think I slept on my back basically the whole night? Interesting I stayed extended for so long? But body was I tired! I really needed to get some rest! Busy day ahead, making some headway on the kitchen!
Full, more present, and more extension for these legs! I have been saying how I need to figure out how to get more extension work in, and I have been now after the Brakes Unlocked movement, but now I’m wondering what else I can do about going up? Vertical Extension? The standing frame, yes, but is there other methods? I’m wondering what would work?!
Man oh man! What a beautiful party Ashley had! And how incredibly amazing is it to have such an amazing team to work with on a weekly basis! I was so excited and stoked to have been able to hang out with all these rad women that are helping so many people every single day!
Ashley has such an amazing family and I can’t be more happy for her and Matt! Such an honor to have been invited to come and celebrate with them! Callie and I were also so lucky too, to have Ashley help us out with the Exoskeleton for our wedding! Pretty amazing, when I slow down and think about it all!
You know, it’s not every day that an accident like this happens. I was thinking about this fact and the opportunity that I have been given meeting this team at Marquette, and all the opportunities it’s created for me! Helping me work on walking, living, getting back driving, getting better use of my body with all the various positions and techniques, it doesn’t get said enough how important they all are for folks in my situation. Seriously.
We got to sit at the table with Bridget, Danica, and Joni and their significant others! This was a riot! It was honestly really cool to be able to hang out with all the PT’s and OT’s outside of the working hours for one of the first times ever! They’re all great!
I got to teach Bridget and Danica to polka! Haha! This was hilarious, and awesome to have seen! I’m just bummed I wasn’t able to be up on my two feet then to show em how! Never say never though, am I right?!
We ended up dancing our socks off, and it gets my body activating so much! It was honestly a blast! I really do miss getting out on my two feet to tear it up, but I’m trying to not let that stop me from still doing that!
What a night! Callie dances as great as ever! What a dance partner she is! She even wanted to get out afterwards! But we went home for the night instead! We had a crazy busy day, worked until we showered, and then were up all night! Goodness! What a day!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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