6/14/26 – New Sensations / New Places
What’s wild is I had a dream and this verse popped into my head , “ 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—9 not by works, so that no one can boast.” It’s wild because I wasn’t thinking about it or anything, I just remembered it from a dream? This was from the book of Ephesians, Which I always find interesting? Huh, makes ya think! Truth be told me being here today really does feel like there is some big grace that’s kept me here. I try as I might every day, but thinking back, who knows!
My legs this morning and hopefully for a larger majority of the night were feeling a bit warmer, fuller, and present! First morning / first night in the new house! Which, feels wild if I’m being honest! We have a lot to do and unpack, but it’s all here now! Which is great!
It’s been such a wild journey, and my body isn’t giving up, not for anything!
Wow, this is my 20th journal since I’ve been writing. The Notes app on an iPhone gets slow and laggy if you make the note too big, and usually that’s my cue to start a new one. Hard to believe I’m at my 20th already!?
Callie and I had such an interesting conversation today, about a very interesting way to think about communication in our spinal cords and body!
So turns out, Callie brought a very interesting perspective forward. Talked about sensation from my feet and legs…..
I can’t fully remember all the details as I come back to fill them in, I’ll have to ask Callie if she remembers?
6/15/26 – Busy Days
Another morning at the new place in the books, another full nights rest, and so much increase in activation down the entire posterior chain, glutes, quads, lower legs, and feet!! I’ll wake up sometimes to the sensation of my legs and hips creeping into extension, and the pull and tug on my anterior abdomen! Goodness! It’s been really interesting feeling my legs and feet stomp more and more!
This deep hip flexor and rotator stretch in my hips has been huge!! My legs and feet are really waking up from this! And my lower right side in my back has been ramping up some pain and pins and needles, which is usually a sign of new activation!!!
I made it in the new shower for the first time yesterday! It’s been tricky and also interesting how getting in the shower and toilet from opposite ways from what I did at the apartment has been helping wake up and activate muscles on the opposite side to continue to help wake them up! Lots of reps needed over here!
It’s been cool feeling my glutes activating so much more with each contraction! My low low obliques are so gosh darn tight, it’s so interesting all the musculature that affects lifting and extending our legs in our abdomen! It’s coming back online, but all at different rates, which makes for a tricky time for balance and stability in the wheelchair, but I like that they’re coming back, soon soon for more upright extension work!
Now that the move is mostly done, we have to get ready for this trip to Europe! Trying to get back in the groove for my exercise and PT routine with all the madness that this move has been, and trying to keep head above water. Slowly but surely these legs are coming back online! Just more and more stimulus is needed!
6/16/26 – More Busy Days
Man oh man is sensation and activation constantly on the rise! It’s insane!! Maybe my body did need a big break?!
Things have been hectic and busy as all can be, I’ll tell ya what.
Lots of changes in the body but still very busy with the house!
6/17/26 – Interesting Changes & Deep Breaths
I’m not gonna lie, these lighter days for my body have been very interesting for my recovery?? This is so interesting because my glutes are firing up more and more than ever, my hip flexors are not spasming like they used to, and I can take these deep breaths into my lower abdomen in my left and right sides like never before!?!? THIS IS CRAZY!?
That feeling of a ‘spasm’ on my left hip flexor is changing? Like, my legs are more in extension than they ever are right now! Parts of my glutes and low back are engaging like never before, it’s so interesting!? Almost like that targeted hip flexor stretch + breath into that are before I laid down was causing this area to wake up so tremendously! I can feel right now low breath into diaphragm, while maintaining connection to my glutes and low back, quads, lower legs, and feet!? When I feel the spasm come on, it’s like an extension spasm this time instead of flexion!?
That was so interesting!? I held a contraction in my glutes, took as deep a breath as I could, kept holding it, and was waiting for a spasm to happen, but it didn’t!?!!!! I can feel a part of my lowest back squeezing like never before! These are the longest breaths I’ve held in side lying before a spasm!!! This is incredible!!! I don’t know what this means, but things are changing!!
6/18/26 – I Need A Break From Myself
Legs, charging up. Idk why I don’t try to stand with just a singular leg more often?
Honestly, I guess I was just thinking about it, and I have been in a constant state of dread and mourning for my body since this stinking accident has happened. It’s becoming more and more real the more life passes me by and the less I can do on my feet right now. It’s honestly really depressing and debilitating. It’s unreal. Who on earth ever expects to have to go through life, work hard, mess up, work hard, and then get ran over and then have to just watch life pass seemingly pass you by in this chair. You might say, “you have so much” but in actuality, I just want my body. I just want to function as I was. We live through life and want want want thing after thing. When really none of those things matter if you can’t use any of them. I don’t even have my dog. It’s just unreal. I’m not happy about all this, and the more I live and have to experience “life” the more and more sad I am that I don’t get to be experiencing the remainder of my healthy days on my two feet. Instead I’m just lugging around this body that is not easy to handle and not easy to move. I’m getting really tired of this. It’s not cool. It’s not fun. To be such a “capable” person, but watch it all get ripped away. Is it good we keep people alive? Is it? Who knows. It’s so hard. Having to constantly cheer myself up time after time and never have a break from “myself”. I’m getting really tired of just “sitting here and watching” life. I can barely hold myself up while trying to use my hands, so how useful is that. I’m having to use them to just move me around in this world. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t recognize myself. My eye is sore. My body is so antsy and just wants to stand up, stretch out, get the blood pumping, and actually live. I’m having such a hard time. The back and forth of happy sad happy sad happy sad is enough to make you go mad. Why. Why is this all this way.
6/19/26 ——
Busy Day. No notes for today.
6/20/26 – Short Notes
I’m completely exhausted. I rode the Handcycle today, and boy is my heart and heart rate really trying to figure it out today. He sure was struggling.
The Astronaut on Earth 
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