3/9
If I can do kegels while holding in a number 2, will this help me eventually be able to learn to voluntarily relax the external a. Sphincter muscles? Seems weird and a funny area, but if I can feel myself doing that, and I slowly build up the ability to contract them, that should help with the ability to relax them, as in allow my body to be able to discern the difference?
Is there any other way to regain better bowel control? Is this going to help?? The urge to go is so significant in the morning, I don’t know if there is any way for me to use that to my advantage and try to leverage it as some way to help regain more voluntary function? Any other ways for me to do regain it? This honestly is one of the most humiliating and debilitating issues that I’ve had to deal with. It’s been so hard to manage, and I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I guess, I’m still alive? Sometimes it’s hard to think about anything good at times like this.
I guess, it’s hard to feel so invisible sometimes. For every small interaction with my daily life being so difficult. Like me on the toilet. This isn’t a trivial task. Almost nothing I do in my day to day is “simple”, “easy”, or fun to do in this chair. It makes things so difficult I don’t know how to convey that to people. When I’m sitting, stsrionary, like everyone else around the table? Fine. When I’m on the floor, moving around, great! But this chair is just not easy. It’s not fun, or easy moving around at child height constantly. Always feeling like you’re in the way, or like you can’t keep up. It’s really for lack of words, lame. I’m not even going to get into it anymore. It’s hard sometimes.
There is something special to holding my head up when I’m doing movements. It’s interesting, because this really has been helping me so much!
Whoa, I’m down on the floor, and as I rolled over to get into a long sit, I felt a little “pop” in my low back?! Like, it wasn’t a bad pop, just like a joint freeing up??! I hope this is a good thing! As I’m down here, I can feel all the tightness start to loosen up. It’s nice getting this real time feedback, helping me confirm that what I’m doing makes sense.
Got on the floor again today! I’m getting up really straight in tall kneeling! So much so that I can alternate hands back and forth with only one hand supported!
You know, what’s interesting, is the book I’m currently reading, is hitting on topics I’ve been learning and piecing together so much on my own! It’s really cool to have found a resource from someone who was also putting all of this together! It’s amazing! I’m really glad other folks are also onto these same ideas and topics! Glad to have found a consolidated resource, this is most interesting!
So, some of the more interesting topics I’ve read, are about how our muscles do not function as single individual contributors, but rather as a single piece in our larger myofascial system! This has been a fun new concept to learn and start exploring, because I believe there are some really cool lessons to be learning from this idea as well! I’m gonna have to read more about this, it’s too early to say what I’m about to find out!
I’m also reading about the spine, and how the “boney protrusions to the back (spinous processes) and sides (transverse processes) serve as anchor points for small and large muscles alike. [From The Ground Up, pg 93]
This exerpt is really fascinating to me because I hadn’t full acknowledged ALL the muscles in my back that were completely compromised after the accident. Not only did I have the spinal cord injury, but all the muscles in those affected areas lost their attachment points. It’s sad to think about, and also interesting because I’ve slowly been regrowing them and helping them reconnect and find new attachment points! Kinda wild. I was messed up beyond belief. There isn’t a good way to say it. I’m really fortunate somehow they were able to put me back together.
It makes me a bit sad, when there are ideas written about how the spine is such a powerful part of our body. “Dr. Serge Gracovetsky popularized the term, “Spinal Engine” after observing how an individual with outlets was still able to produce a walking like movement in his hips, solely through the articulations of his spine (Gracovetsky, 2012). It’s really interesting because I know that I’m working this engine, albeit a bit different now. What if, with the titanium, this actually means I’m building a stronger engine than before? But one that needs a lot more work than before? What if the rods are going to help give me an extra spring in my step, as titanium is such an excellent rigid but light body? Maybe this is something and a better way to think of this?
“When we apply a lateral bend, to a curved spine, an axial torque is induced. The rotation of pelvis and shoulders, is driven by the spine.” (Gracovetsky, 2012) maybe I can “lean” into this, and really help drive more power from my spine with the rods! Hmm! This is a crazy idea but I like it!!
Yeah, this is all getting more and more interesting of a book to read, no doubt. I am just getting to the new information and my mind is going a million miles an hour right now! Watching this video is impressive because there is so much more going on in the body than I have ever imagined! I cannot wait to continue to apply this new knowledge!! I was just shocked to watch in that video, from 1988, a man walking without having legs. His hips were initiating and completing movement enough for him to have locomotion! If it’s possible for him, it’s possible for anyone!!
3/10
Whoa, I woke up, my upper right leg is feeling warm and so much more normal, my feet are feeling so much! My lower legs too!
Wow, I feel like I have so much to discuss, but so much to do! Let me get back to working on things, and I’ll take some notes later! It’s 7:30pm and I’m not even close to being done for the day!
Well, it’s 10:04pm, 3D printer is in the middle of the print! Turns out I finally dedicated some time outside my recovery to work on that. I guess it’s still relevant because it’s a piece of equipment I have to carry with me daily. Turns out it’s the pants hook I need to use, for bathroom breaks. The one I have right now is showing a crack, and I’m concerned about its overall longevity. Not sure how long it’s gonna make it. I feel like this week hasn’t been kind to me in this life currently in the chair. Pants hooks and caster bearings. Fun. Too much fun.
You know, everyone’s story is all just a little bit different. And with that, there’s a little bit to learn from everyone, if you give them the chance. I really have been learning and expanding my knowledge in every discipline I am involved with these days (or at least trying to) It’s crazy. I can’t even understand it all sometimes. But, if I keep up the progress, and my consistent effort on my body and mind, I can only imagine where I’m headed next.
My legs are showing up more and more for me each waking day. I’m really glad that they are. Goodness, when I was at therapy, Joni had me doing some great core work, tall sitting, shoulder work, standing, and then Trike work! It was a good day of therapy! I need to just keep it up. One day at a time.
I’m just, exhausted. I need some rest. It’s late. I’m tired. What a full day, enough for tonight!
3/11
So, what’s interesting, is how everyone feels the need to feel loved. They all just want to hold onto that feeling. and they want to embrace it. It seems to be a pretty universal feeling we all have, and I think this is a hard one to deny, regardless how introverted or extroverted you are. Also today is 311 day so please go out and listen to them! I know my siblings all are today too!!
I made it to the pelvic floor physical therapist today! This was absolutely amazing, and I’m so extremely hopeful for this, because this is all such good and relevant information that I just learned, that I think can be really valuable for my recovery! I know that there is a lot of progress I can try to make in this camp, so let’s get started!
Holy Smokes…. I just started “Born To Walk” by James Earls. This book is about to be amazing. I read through the preface, and he gets into the human models of gait. I’m reading about the former inverted pendulum model, and how in this book, he is presenting on a spring mass model being more accurate of a model to represent the ground reaction forces present during the gait cycle. This is really interesting because this isn’t the first time I’ve heard someone in the field of physical exercise being up the ideas of springs. I myself have a pretty decent knowledge of mechanical springs, having to have designed 2 parallel sets of springs in series, for the Rammer. Turns out the model for that spring system is way more complicated than it lets on! I’ll have to dedicate some time in the future for all the analogies in springs! Springs are, as Therese tells me, “The muscles on the outside of our body.” This is a great analogy because I know that there is something to this!
I’m up in the standing frame, doing my shoulder exercises! Doing my “Y’s” with my thumbs pointed back has got my entire posterior chain on fire right now! Small movements, better posture and control. I’m really working to get these shoulders moving better, and I can legitimately feel the overflow into my low back, glutes, and quads working to get me up standing! It’s incredible! What’s really interesting is how much more movement I am getting with slow deep breaths on the concentric movement of the shoulders/ back, and an exhale on the relax/ eccentric phase? This isn’t always the typical way to complete a movement, but it’s feeling so good in my entire body when I do it that way, it’s incredible!
I honestly feel wild right now, after doing these exercises in the standing frame. My entire body is feeling it, and honestly, this was amazing! I am pooped from those shoulder exercises, I was really focusing on my form, the contractions, my breath, standing straight, my legs, goodness you name it! Goodness too, I don’t know what this standing frame session was doing, but it was honestly great to get stretched, activated, and my body up and moving!
You know, feeling anything, even pain, is better than not feeling anything at all. I just got done getting emotional from a movie scene, and I realized, that getting emotional while watching a movie is because I have been working on my body to feel anything. Even if it is pain. I don’t even mind that anymore.
Hmm. So. Crazy idea and thought. What if the fascia is indeed tied more importantly to our central nervous system than we thought? What if it is the brain on our outside of our body? So this is interesting, “Committee on Anatomical Termi, Federative (1998). Terminologia Anatomica: International Anatomical Terminology. Thieme Stuttgart. p. 33. ISBN 3-13-114361-4.It is acknowledged that the various definitions of fascia offered by recognised authorities do not enjoy universal agreement and all have varying deficiencies. These definitions currently fall short of an agreed, descriptive, fully embracing definition that would suit all interested medical agencies/researchers and allied disciplines”
This legitimately has me wondering with great fervor what actually is going on with the fascia. It’s wild.
3/12
Oh my goodness, I just woke up with the wildest dream! My entire body is radiating with energy right now, and my legs, right arm, shoulder and entire body are feeling freaking sore/tired/ and amazing! This is insane! What happened was, this; in my dream, Woody and I were doing some compaction testing. And we needed to drive in the rod, but the rod looked a bit different. It was like a 2”-3” round pipe. And we had like a 20lb sledgehammer. This was where, I was like, “do you know how to do this?” And he goes, “no not really” and so I walk him through the proper body mechanics of throwing a sledge as follows:
Since he’s also left handed, hold the right hand at the bottom of the handle.
- Left hand is for guiding and aiming, not really for power, that comes from the core and legs
- Preload your legs and get ready to “jump” into it
- As you spring up, throw/guide the sledge hammer up in the air above you
- Once you reach your peak, As you start to lower down with your legs, this is where you pull as hard as you can down to pull the sledge down, and have it extend out in front of you
- You end up with your body/ legs in a bit of a squat as you hit your piece with the sledge face.
- Left hand is holding on but mostly for guidance
- Don’t ever look away from what you’re hitting
So I walk him through this a couple times, I’m doing it, and it’s moving into the ground. As I’m awake now, this is the craziest part. My right shoulder and right hand have never been this sore after I woke up?? My legs are feeling it too, my quads and glutes are on fire basically like after a workout. It’s intense!!
Woody was able to get better! And we finish up! This is when I woke up from my dream, and started to feel all these sensations in my body when I had to go to the bathroom! I wonder what all this means?!
3/13
I’ve had appointments every day this week. I’m drained. And I just woke up. Cool. Here’s goes nothing.
Therapy today went really well!! Bridget and I did some weighted ball slams! This was all inspired by the dream I had last night!! I really was working hard to get the medicine ball up over head, and thrown down at the floor! We also did some weighted handle slams! Which is just like the dream I had was as well! I’m glad I brought this up and we turned this into something cool!
3/14
Oof, dentist appointment, cool. Done. Check. Now off to the gym to get this back worked out! I woke up with a VERY sore back this morning! Like, the most sore in a very long time! Goodness!
I haven’t been at the gym in like a week or so! It’s been a while that I’ve just done free weights, or the cable machine! And holy shit, I am feeling so much throughout my body! Down into my glutes and legs like I never have before! I’m doing some new exercises with my feet on the floor, and I’m doing an inhale with the concentric movement, and then exhale on the eccentric movement. What’s interesting is I haven’t done this before, and honestly, I’m shocked and surprised at how well this is going too with this amount of weight and my feet on the floor!! I have never done this weight before!!
I’m shocked how well this single arm rows, with my feet on the floor, Contralateral arm movements, pressing into the floor with my feet, and breath like above, are going! This was awesome! I can feel so much engaging in my legs to help stabilize me! I’m really liking this movement, this is great!
I’m freaking whooped. My entire body is debilitated. I’m completely worn out. This day was hard. What’s really interesting is how much my lower legs, ankles, and lower shins are feeling right now. I’m trying to think of that type of exhaustion I have right now. As in, you just ran 20+ miles, with not enough food or water, and you’re having a hard time moving. Even then, you still can move. This is probably more tired than that.
3/14
MY ANKLES ARE WAKING UP!!! This is absolutely amazing to feel the engagement right now!
So like, my whole body is engaged so much more! My feet and legs have more pressure through them, I’m further off the seat cushion, my shoulders and back is engaged!?! There are areas I am feeling I haven’t felt in so long!
This compression layer up top has been making my body feel so dramatically different today! My core is engaged, my legs are feeling so much more! My balance has been improving, and my posture has been on the rise! I’ve been doing shoulder “Y’s” and my posture has been killing it! Plus also my shoulder and back are contracting really well! I’m inhaling on the concentric movement, and exhaling on the eccentric, and for some reason for these new and difficult movements, this breath works better?
I’ve noticed too, how my chest is sore? My left side is underdeveloped and I have noticed how much more it’s feeling, and how sore it is from wearing this compression top?!?! My back and body has changed so much today this is insane! It’s really gotten me tired too, and I feel like I’m whooped and exhausted from feeling from so much more?! What’s up with this?
My back is feeling and engaging so much more than usual, it’s made me exhausted a bit too!
3/15
So, it’s not really fun having to think of all the fun things to do with people, only to realize and see that I can’t do those things right now. Like, if we were to take Jake and Janel to Hubbard Park, and go down to the river front, I wouldn’t be able to show the boys around where Max and I used to romp around. It makes me sad to think about. Not that I don’t want them to come because we can’t do those things, it’s just me thinking about all the fun and interesting activities I could take them to do. Like rock climbing. I really had wanted to take the boys for a week/ weekend, and just take them to do all these fun things. Now I can barely get my legs out of bed, or take my pants off at the end of the night. I was in the standing frame from 11pm – midnight last night. My day got all messed up. My body is really temperamental. I’m working on him to not be, and to be more resilient, but it’s slow progress. It’s just a lot of hard consistent work. It’s hard when there is so many societal expectations from you, and your body just needs a lot of time, like an infant.
So are they mirror neurons? The same ones that help us reciprocate the type of motion from using springs and variable load mechanisms? Something that changes load with displacement? So many new thoughts and ideas to explore! This is honestly a really interesting idea! I’m going to expand on this later! Enough enough, it’s late and I need sleep!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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