1/26
Wow, my legs are moving so well to get out of bed partially on my own! I am able to kick them out so good these days, my left leg likes to initiate the movement, and it seems being in certain positions too, really helps! All these small, subtle movements and attempts are important, I need to keep incorporating more and more small movements throughout the day! I think that’s why I like being on the floor so much. So many opportunities for movement!
So, I got time to get up and moving this morning! Let’s make the most of today!
Relax. Goodness. Does a baby freak out when it can’t move in the way that it wants, or does it work hard to do said movement? Well, both, I think is safe to say! Haha! I think there are some big “babies” out there, hence the name! But, when you think of it, a baby truly does have to work through a lot of motions on their own! Which, if not given the chance, how would they ever do anything on their own? (Wow that toot I just had right now was quite the relief of pressure build up! Phew!)
So what I’m trying to say and think about, is the same for me. And also, to continue to put more and more faith and trust in my legs. Like I’m doing right now. I’m sitting, typing, with no hand supports, and just my feet on the floor while seated. No hands. Small things, is what I need to continue to strive for. This is always one of them that I need to do!
I got the grippy socks, new long johns, and the new shirt on! All new clothes today! Ha ha! Decided to get “up and attem’” this morning, time to get on the floor!
Doing a mixture of forward and backwards crawls, prone stretches, shoulder work, 100’s, magic circle work. I feel like I’m doing some modified form of Pilates, and I don’t really even know what I’m doing besides these 3 exercises, but let’s give it a go! My legs feel so full and alive when I’m laying prone. I don’t have a tingly bottom because obviously, I’m not sitting on it! Which is a huge relief from my day. I feel like my butt tingles all the dang time. It’s annoying. So finding some relief is nice, but it tells my body that there is something more! Something else out there!
For me, I wonder what’s more important, high reps of low weight, or low reps of high weight? Seems as I’m talking out loud about this, I need a bit of a mixture of both. Without being able to do significant amounts of reps at any weight is kinda a problem!
Okay, third time on the floor today! Trying to get really stretched out! I gotta just stop making excuses for doing things, it never helps.
My legs feel “cold”? My feet and legs feel wild in these astronaut pants. I do like how good of a stretch these help my hamstrings!! It’s really helpful! Goodness, I need to re-read some of my notes from last week. I feel scatterbrained. Not sure why. Maybe too much chess? Who knows. Calm down, breathe, relax.
Taking some time to review old notes does me a lot of good. There isn’t much better things to put my life into perspective right now than my own dang life. It’s wild. I’m trying to compile my notes and the thoughts and words of others to try to get all my time together and add it to the blog. There’s so much. My family has and will always be such a big portion of my life. And I want to keep em that way. I love the heck outta them. they really did a lot for me when I was in the hospital and back home. I miss them dearly.
I’m looking at the dermatomes, and it’s wild that my hamstrings seem to be so much more active? But does that make sense from what I’m looking at? Maybe I better do more reading than the quick reference guide! Ha!
“Our destinies are written in the stars”
“How do we live with our own survival? How do we make use of this life that we still have?”
These are two quotes from the show I’m watching, that really resonated with me. I’m going to leave them here, to reference later. I think that the second one, making use of this life, is something I’m continually trying to do. It’s hard. But I’m trying.
1/27
I’m surprised by how active my legs are this night. It was pretty crazy, they both were kicking and flailing pretty dang good? Also, my glutes were spasming, like I was doing glute bridges in bed? Which was wild? I don’t think my legs have ever been this active before, some big changes are happening, that’s forsure! I wonder if it’s my hamstrings finally calming down? Like one last big hoorah for them? Because they are awfully tight right now, and I would really appreciate if they simmered down.
It’s interesting, I need to keep the right mindset throughout the day. Keep my legs apart of my day. Don’t forget about them! Honestly, I wonder if my hamstrings are “sore” from stretching them too much? How can I get them more used to this? I want to stretch them every day?
Wow. Therapy went SUPER well today!!! I was so excited, this felt so good, and my body is doing so much! We started off, with dry needling my hamstrings. This we haven’t done in FOREVER. and I’m really glad we did, because these were legitimately the best sit to stands I have done to date! Take that spinal cord injury!
So, before I get too ahead of myself, after I got dry needled, we did some BFR on both of my legs, alternately. This was cool, because the amounts I was feeling activate throughout my legs was astounding! I was feeling my right glute contract and relax like never before!! Same thing even for my quads, but it was most significant on my right glute!
These sit to stands were going so well! I was super stoked! I’m really glad how well they went, and they led into a great session on the treadmill as well! It was great because I did another round of the “steps” doing eccentric loading for my quads. Ashley would help me up on my one leg on the step, and I would squeeze as hard as I could on that leg! It was cool to see and feel myself controlling the descent! I know I have a long way to go, but these felt so amazing!
So, I’m down on the floor right now. I told myself that I can get down on the floor, even if it’s just for half an hour a day. Just a little bit each day! That’s all I gotta do! Get these hamstrings stretched out, reciprocal motion, and just moving my body in as many positions as I can.
I really like the progression I am doing with my Y’s, my shoulders are getting so much stronger! I’m actually able to pick my hands off the floor for once! I haven’t tried both hands at the same time though. I wonder how I’d do?
Working with the magic circle, and stretching these hamstrings is going really well! They are getting so much straighter! I’m so pleasantly surprised at how extended I can get my legs!
Holy smokes. Why is it that every time I get in the floor, my legs do something different, and then when I get up, they feel so much fuller, engaged, and there for me?
“Think Feet” that’s what I had to do while my eyes were closed, and I was trying to get my shirt off with both hands. I just did the same thing while I hopped into bed!
WHAT WOW! My hips, outer thighs, my butt, is feeling so much! And then to top it all off, MY LEGS ARE SO FLAT! This is insane! I cannot believe this! It’s amazing! I’m so relaxed, this is great! Good way to end the night!
1/28
We met with Pastor Kevan today! Wow, I was really glad to have met him, I’m really glad we are moving forward with him! He’s been great! And his church’s outreach is incredible, they are doing some amazing things for the community! It was a good conversation, and I think Callie and I might have found some cool opportunities to help out in the community too! More on that later.
Holy smokes, I can’t believe this! The legs are moving so well today! And I didn’t even get up in the standing frame! My legs are pulling through so much better, these magic circle movements are getting better, laying prone and these shoulder raises are improving! My crawling steps are becoming more and more steps! My abs are engaging so much together on my left and right side!
This is amazing, I feel like my upper thighs increased in about and 1” or 2” in diameter overnight! These kneepads have never been tighter around my upper and lowe thighs! I feel like the strap is about 2-3” less on the Velcro to accommodate for these larger thighs!
This session on the floor has me completely wiped out. I’ve been running on E for the past 2 hours. I’m cooked.
1/29
So I woke up with some immense feelings in my quads and glutes! They are getting more active by the day! I’m sitting up really well this morning! Let’s do some work on the floor today!
Wow. Made it on the floor for the first day ever while I was working at home. I was able to get setup at my lap desk/ floor desk! This was insane! I was looking back at my garmin watch, and it was the first time ever that it said, “good job managing activity, stress, and rest throughout the day.” This was the first time EVER! I was pretty glad to have gotten on the floor to allow my body time to recharge.
Also at therapy I did tall standing exercises up to 6” higher than the wheelchair seat! This was so flipping cool!!! I can’t believe that! They went really well! I just need to incorporate these small movements, and keep getting my body into more and more uncomfortable positions. I think it really helps.
I’m really pooped. it’s 9 o’clock and I’m wiped out! Time for some rest. More to think about tomorrow!
1/30
It’s really interesting, my right leg last night had some spots in him that were legitimately feeling some warmth? I’m laying on my right side right now, and my quads are feeling so much. It feels like my hamstrings are trying to let go, trying to relax. My feet are filling out, and I notice how significant all feelings in my legs are increasing by the day.
I can also feel something else. It’s almost like an anxiousness. I can feel me wanting to do more. I wonder what that more is? To help people? To to do my own work? More progress on my legs? I guess, I think it would be cool if you could make some of the things I’ve talked about. The sit to stand frame, and then the dynamic Segway? Maybe not bad things to just try to do?
Being consistent with your body is still one of the hardest things to do. I can see why so many people aren’t able to do this or keep up with this. My core strength has gotten leaps and bounds better with this low back rest, and everything else I’m doing! How can I continue my pelvis and hip strength? I think it ties into being on the floor more!
I’m just feeling it, the need to get moving. I want so badly to use my legs more and more, so today, that’s what I’m going to try to do! I definitely needed a little foam pad for my rump when I was on the floor, otherwise, that worked so well!
So I’m on the floor! This is great I’m getting stretched out finally!!! This feels great to be able to get my legs stretched out and moving a bit too!
I notice something, that when I get my body just outside its comfort zone, I really start to make some gains. I need to continue being “comfortable with being uncomfortable” how can I improve this?
I feel so interesting/ different right now. At the gym, and I was able to get in the floor, standing frame, floor today. It’s been intense! My legs haven’t felt like this to date this year. It’s amazing!
So, listening to some IDLES at the gym, and these quads are really engaging! I’m trying to keep my feet in the floor so my hamstrings shut up! They’re too active right now.
You ever think about dancing? You don’t get to learn to dance unless you have free time. Free time to do whatever it is that you would like. Weird thought, interesting though.
Wow. I’m tired. It’s been a good long day. I feel like I’ve accomplished a lot with my body today, and I’m feeling so much. The sensations in my legs have gone under a larger change, it’s significant. They feel lighter, and fuller. It’s weird.
I feel like it’s really hard to explain in words how difficult it is at the end of the day to get my shoes, socks, and pants off. It’s really one of the most difficult activities I have ever had to do in my life. Pair that with being tired, tight, and ready to go to sleep. It’s brutal.
I took a moment to stretch out while in a seated figure four, and I decided to tickle my right foot. And sure enough, he’s moving! Something feels different when I do that, and it’s a really interesting movement too! Also! I almost lifted/ kicked my right leg over my left leg! I was really close!!!
Watching these bears and her cubs on the tv, and I wonder, “why?” Why is it that they are just trying to survive? What is it in us that drives us to survive? You just watch them, going about their life, and it’s just such a wonder. I can’t help but think of myself. I’m just trying to survive. To sit up taller, to eventually stand. I think it’s interesting because whatever is inside me that’s helping keep me focused, may not be too dissimilar to what the bear is experiencing. There is something like that in all of us. Seems to be pretty wild to think about.
1/31
Okay, just got off the computer with Dr Lin for the virtual visit with the Urologist. I am not sure why, but that man is so great! I’m really glad that Rose recommended him, he’s definitely the best Urologist I could have in the state! Good talk! Looking forward to the recommendations he’s made!
I made it to work today, had a good chat with Will about all the other side projects I’m working on too! There was good reception there, so that’s good!
I better hustle, I gotta get to Pilates later today too! goodness, always go go go when I’m out of the house.
Made it to Pilates! Wow am I lucky that Therese stays longer with me! I know I was running a little late! Better leave more time next time for grabbing Callie. But this session was great! I got on the floor, got to use the springs, and did some “firsts” for the first time! I really thought it was interesting when the idea of “having my upper body connected with my lower body” was brought up, because I never really thought about that connection before? How to use our upper to help control the lower? So we talked and worked through how the internal obliques and transverse abdominis are really important (the girdle) for helping lift and control our legs! I never thought about this connection before! Time to make sure I’m working on “reconnecting” with these muscles!
Also, I really liked that Therese was okay with me using my hands to help with some of the movements to start! I don’t know what, but for some reason, I’ve always had it in my head that I shouldn’t be using my hands to help my legs. She told me that was simply not true, it’s okay! So I have a list new exercises to try at home with the magic circle to help “wake these muscles up!” And reconnect with them!
Also, the imagery, that the springs are the muscles outside our bodies, and the ultimate form/ most difficult form of Pilates is to have no springs at all, has really got me thinking! It’s weird, like, I’m taking that visualization, and making it real within my own body? There’s something there, I’m just starting to think about? Hmm?
Also, the imagery of letting my muscles “melt” was another visual Therese said to use. That, as well as the pillars, for our pelvis and shoulders, and spine? I’ve never thought about those three like that?! I’ll have to do more investigating for these, but for now, I like them!
Also, the idea of reconnecting and completing the movement, and not “trying so hard” is something that I gotta do. And it sounds like these lower pelvis muscles are going to help me get reconnected with my legs!
Today’s the 31st. That means I’m really tired. Not that these are two mutually exclusive ideas, but I’m whooped. I was on the go from 7am till what felt like 9pm….. I feel like I’m about to fall asleep!
2/1
Wow, it’s 3:22am and my legs are feeling so much fuller and more significant this morning! They are marching in place under the sheets in bed, and they are doing so much and feeling more vibrant every day!
Wow! I was actually able to get my legs to “melt”?! This was INCREDIBLE! I just closed my eyes, and thought, “okay guys melt” and then they finally start to relax!? This has been such a significant change to how my legs typically behave when I’m in bed and on my side or laying supine! I feel like I am getting better control over them!!
Also, the thought of finally getting my legs stronger, my abs stronger, my butt stronger, putting some meat back on their bones, that shelf on the back, are all great things to continue to strive for and work towards! I used to have nice legs prior to the accident, and before the spinal cord injury. They really were! I can feel them as I lay down, the smalls of my back, my outer hip in contact with the bed, my inner thighs/ pelvis area, my quads, my knees, my lower legs, and feet have all been making significant changes in sensation as of last night/ yesterday!
That session of Pilates was really great! Time to make sure I get on the floor and do your daily exercises today! Maybe too, you can do floor time and get to the gym?!
So, I’ve noticed I’m sitting a lot “taller” in the chair. If I don’t think about it, to try to hold myself up in the chair when I’m moving around, I jut my neck forward and down, to try to keep myself “balanced”. I realized, I need to start trying to engage my lower abdomen and low back, to get the strain away from my upper back, and hold myself up better! I’ve found this idea has been working really well to help alleviate the tension in my shoulders and upper back, and is engaging more and more of my body because of it!
Last night too, the sensation of my feet was changing where I was finding much more “discrete” areas of focus to concentrate on in my feet! They were much more significant!
I think today should be a good day for movements and time away from work! I was not super happy to have to have spent as much money on bathroom supplies on my way home. The idea that I have to spend so much money just for supplies that I need to stay alive depresses me pretty quick. That’s why I need to focus on the things I can control.
Got on the floor! My legs feel so good!
So, just thinking about this, and my back was completely cut open, like the whole thing.. it’s kinda wild to thing that I was kind filleted right open. It’s spooky. It’s weird. It makes me wonder what I looked like in there, and how they knew what they were going for sometimes. I know they are doctors trained in this field, but it’s wild to think about .
“If someone talked to you, the way you do to you, I’d put their teeth through. Love yourself.” This just made me tear up. I’m at the gym, with watery eyes, because words have a way of doing that these days. How these words resonate with me more now than they ever did before.
After the gym, made it to dinner with Callie, and then went out for the evening with Joatmeal. Had a good time catching up! I even got myself back home all by myself!
The conversation Callie and I had was most interesting, because I was able to let her in on some of my thoughts. It’s hard, having to have it all locked up in our heads sometimes. It’s definitely better to talk it out. I felt a lot better after that.
It’s been a busy week, let’s see what I got in store for next week! Time to make lasagnachiladas!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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