1/19
So! Putting furniture together from IKEA has turned into quite the therapy and physical exercise for me! I would have never thought that this would require such different bodily positions, movements, or strength, or balance! But it did! It got me in so many different positions on the floor, and even in the chair when I had to get up! Okay I’ll do this again, forsure! Sign me up for Task Rabbit!
Wow. Today was quite the day. It was interesting, because I don’t feel like it was a huge day for my body in terms of exercise, but I’m feeling my legs and lower abdomen to begin feeling fuller and fuller! Maybe all this assembling and cleaning is doing it!
I was noticing something about my core. I have been noticing how if I don’t focus on anything, when I go to lift up my body and “schloop” back into the chair when I’m transferring around, my ribs definitely feel like they are moving and kinda “popping” away from my pelvis. But lately, thinking about my QL muscles now, I seem to be able to actively engage them, and keep my ribs and pelvis from moving away from each other when I pull myself up! The Quadratus Lumborum. What a name. I had never even heard of this muscle before I went to Pilates on Friday! I really think this is going to be a game changer for me. It’s one of the muscles deep in the core responsible for securing our pelvis to our ribcage. Seems like this muscle is more important than I realized!
Therese and I FaceTimed and had a quick chat today about next steps, and she made time to get to know me a bit better! I’m really excited to develop a bit more and learn how this type of exercise can help! She has made mention of getting to a point where I wouldn’t even need therapy anymore. And I hadn’t ever even thought of a point like that. It was really interesting to have this thought in my mind. I hadn’t even considered this as a thought, but just what if?
I guess it’s 11:00pm, I need some rest. Better get to it all tomorrow! It’s been a wildly productive weekend. Time for some rest!
1/20
The amount of engagement through my legs today has been incredible. I really feel like my rectus femoris has joined in with the other fellas up here in my right quad! It’s been amazing! I am having so much more strength when I’m leaning over, and boy are they overshooting like crazy! This is a sign to me that they are working! I just need to dial them in!
I know it’s hard for me to get my legs moving around when I’m working, so maybe I can try to get on the floor to work later? That might help?
I think this has been interesting! I have been feeling so much more through my toes, balls of my feet, and heels with no shoes on. I can feel a change in pressure through my feet, and I can really feel my calves engaging to help keep my leg supported. I have also been noticing how my hamstrings today haven’t been pulling backwards so much, which has been great. I just know I need to incorporate more and more movement for them to help keep them loose!
How can I re-associate stretched and loose muscles with something good in my head? I know it’s a good thing, but why does a stretched out muscle for me always just turn limp and flaccid? How can I change this?!
Strength, readiness, balance. A balanced muscle can contract more effectively after its release from chronic tension. They’re fluid. They’re more efficient. They’re not just flaccid. I really need to hone this into my head. Sometimes it’s hard, with the response my legs sometimes give, but I need to realize they have come a long way, and not to give up hope!
I am really glad with how this floor work went today! I really was working these legs and getting stretched out!
1/21
Wow. I’m waking up, and these legs are really there! They are more active, I feel them so much more, and every day I wake up it’s more significant! Just a little bit at a time! I really notice too, which leg is the lower one when I’m laying on my side. So right now, my right quad/ outside thigh is really getting a good amount of sensation through there because of the weight through him.
My feet too, are feeling so interesting as well. It’s a type of tingle, but it’s almost like they are cold? It’s weird. It’s -10F outside right now, and all day yesterday I was freezing my butt off in the apartment. Wasn’t super fun. But also, I didn’t wear any shoes yesterday too! Speaking of which!
Since I’ve taken to not wearing shoes in the house, I’ve been noticing some things. My feet are feeling so much more throughout the day! It’s really been so interesting! We actually talked about this in Pilates on Friday too, and I got some grippy socks on the way to help me when I’m not wearing shoes! I’m excited to give my feet more sensory feedback like this! It’s been exciting!
I really was feeling so tight yesterday before I got myself on the floor. I need to work that in more throughout the day!
Wait…. So… if my hamstrings work in flexion, and work to flex my knees, they’re tight because they’re legitimately working to keep me in the chair when I lean over??? That’s why they’re tight? They’re constantly working?? How can I help use my quads more?! This is insane that I’ve never realized this before? Or is it something else keeping me in the chair?
After talking with Bridget at therapy, sounds like this could be a contributor? Hard to say how much, but it definitely could be! I wonder if a different chair geometry could help with this?
So if my muscles are activating so little, and they are supposed to engage 20-40% during sitting or standing, does that mean I should just be trying to engage them at “my” 100%? Because my 100% is so much lower than normal? And then work from there? Talking through this idea with the therapists, seems like I could be on to something?
1/22
WOW! My lower back, glutes, and quads were really active and trying to get contracted last night! I’m really feeling it this morning!
I’m really trying to squeeze my quads, abs, and my butt while I’m up in the standing frame! Just a really long continuous hold is really what I’m going for. I know I will fatigue the muscles at some point, but do I ever actually fatigue the signal? Can that happen? I mean, it feels like the signal is getting stronger the longer I’ve been holding it, so I think I’m gonna keep doing this!
It’s been really cool feeling how my body changes so much after each session, I feel like I was sitting up so much straighter after I lowered myself down from the standing frame! Which is great!!
Therapy went really well today. I was really glad with my entire session! Both with the sit to stands, the weight shifts, and then on the treadmill, it went really well! I was able to do something new today! Ashley grabbed this small step, and helped me through this interesting eccentric loading exercise for the first time today! We were already on the treadmill, and she helped push my quad and leg into extension, while the other leg dangled off the step. At this point, she said, “ready?” And I go, “okay!” And proceeded to eccentrically load my quad to slow my descent! And I was! I was able to slow my progression down with just my quad!! I had never done this before, and it felt amazing!
My quad really was working, and I was able to do this on both legs! I even timed it with my breath on my left leg and I was able to get myself to hold it for longer than one breath on the last couple sets! I need to keep progressing this, that was so cool! wonder if I could do this on my own, or how I could progress it?
Wow. My glutes are seriously staying on. They are clenched! It’s hard to say without laughing a little. Hehe.
So, I finally got to talk to John today, he called me and goes, “usually I hear from you and you talk every day, is everything okay?” And I said,” yeah, everything’s okay, just busy.” Which it is. I’ve been so gosh darn busy. My body doesn’t give me many breaks, it feels. It was good catching up. We talk about everything, and the conversation even went in the direction of some of our childhood adventures. Us boys sure had some fun running around and playing in the Woods. We really were always keeping ourselves busy with whatever it was we could find. And boy, did we have some fun times. We were always outside playing and in the woods. Racing pieces of bark in the ditch, building forts, you name it. We had a great time.
Not sure how we got talking about that, but I definitely can say I miss that sometimes. It was so much more simple.
I better get some rest, it’s been a long day.
1/23
I was up in the standing frame yesterday, and I literally tried to squeeze my quads, glutes, and abs the entire time I was in the standing frame! It was almost like 2hrs I think I was up there!
I just woke up and holy smokes my glutes quads and abs are contracting so much more!!!!
This is really wild because I was talking about this with the therapists, and how I did this! It’s pretty wild because I can feel my legs so much more right now!
I noticed too, when I got up to go pee last night, that my feet were feeling all the feels, and my hamstrings finally felt like they chilled out! Also, I’ve never felt like my quads are on “fire” from activation before, but they literally do right now!
I better keep up with this when I’m in the standing frame because it legitimately feels like I’m making some enormous gains!
My quads have been working really hard today! Same with my abs and glutes! I’m tired though. I just drove home. My head has been feeling like it’s going to collapse. It’s wild. I don’t even know what’s going on right now. I kinda feel like I have to toot. I feel sleepy. It’s hard, I still have to go and assemble the chair, get in, and get upstairs. I kinda thought about going to the gym, I know it would help. But I’m just feeling really tired right now.
Looks like my body battery is about as low as it usually is when it’s maybe 7-8 o’clock. I yawn. I’m really drained.
I wasn’t in super high spirits today, and I don’t know what to say about that.
Made it. Made it to the gym, and holy smokes is my whole body going off! I picked up a 40lb dumbbell off the rack! Doing bent over rows and these feel great! I needed to move and work my body!
Okay, so I just did something interesting? I was doing these forward/ inline rows, and instead of using my arms, I decided to try to engage my low back/ glutes/ and quads! I really was able to lock my arms out, and then pivot at my hips, and get my hips farther into extension than ever before! This low back rest has a lot more freedom of movement, this is really interesting, I’m going to have to do this one more!
I’m honestly really shocked and pleasantly surprised how significant the increase in muscle activation is throughout my entire body, and I can’t help but think that this backrest is really helping! It’s pretty shocking, but really cool!
I’m completely wiped out. I have no more energy today. It’s wild because my watch guesstimates this really well. It’s empty, I’m tired, and I need some sleep. My legs did well today, let’s see how much better they do tomorrow!
1/24
Wow, I’m really happy with how straight my legs are right now!!! I don’t think I’ve ever woke up, and had my legs flat while lying on my back!!!! My hips and hamstrings are relaxing!!!
I’m wondering too, what type of adaptive devices Besides the treadmill and strength machine that astronauts use? I’m going to need to do some research on that today.
My body is feeling so much, and so much of my body is activating now, it’s unreal. I think it’s interesting too, how my hips spasm when laying on my back, everything is getting stronger, but my body isn’t more difficult to move, or move around. Heck, when I go to kick my legs out of bed now by myself, my hips are doing it by themselves! As they should! I’m still wrangling my hamstrings into submission, but at least my hips are cooperating!
So, I said bye to Jay today at the gym, the young fella is making his way off to college! I’m happy and proud of him! He comes from a family of 8, just like me! Same number of boys and girls as well! He’s been very helpful to me at the gym, and I’m honestly impressed for his knowledge of the body and human anatomy for someone fresh out of high school. It’s been great meeting all the new walks of life I have this past year and a half. I seemed to have met such a new and diverse group of people. It’s interesting because I don’t know what other type of opportunity would have warranted this. People are interesting, I don’t know what to say?
I got up in the standing frame and had a very difficult time with my hamstrings, it took me forever to finally get myself fully upright! It was also odd because I feel like my feet were more externally rotated than they usually are. I hope this doesn’t bug my knees! It was great to get up here before bed because I got so much more stretched out! I’m glad I took a moment to get loosened up before bed!
1/25
What’s crazy is I wish I knew what spurred such tight hamstrings after a nights rest. I don’t think that it really makes a lot of sense. I shouldn’t be so tight right now, but I am. I wish that I knew. All the way into my glutes I can feel the tightness, and it makes it so much more difficult to get up and do my morning routine.
On the floor, and I’m going to try to get on the floor everyday for now on moving forward. There are too many benefits to getting here, and too many activities I can do down here to not. I need to. Just a little more every day.
Okay, floor work – Check. Standing frame? – Check. Too much to do, and it’s hard to keep track of it all sometimes. I need to make sure I keep up with all the other things going on in my life, it’s hard. There’s a lot that I’m doing right now. Full time work, therapy 3x a week, going to gym 4-5x a week, standing frame, floor time, then helping with dinner, getting groceries, planning a wedding, goodness. The list goes on. It’s hard too, because I have the body of an infant, so everything I do takes that much longer. Add that to a super full day and you don’t have much time to do much else.
These quads, glutes, and abs are contracting good up in the standing frame! Way to wrap up the night with some Fixture Pizza and a trip to Target!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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