12/29
We had everyone over today at my parents for gifts! This was awesome, because Callie and I got to give all the kids their gifts! I was really excited to get them gifts this year, because I had to take the previous year off. I felt like Santa’s sleigh driving over to Detroit from Milwaukee! It was awesome being able to see the excited faces, and all the smiles today when they opened up their gifts!
I remember always loving the exciting time of Christmas gifts. Always wondering what was wrapped up in there, what kind of hidden surprise there is! I always will cherish those moments!
I had also got to show Ava how to play chess, and Wyatt played against her! He already knows how to play, and I might have helped Ava too much, I took too many of Wyatt’s pieces, but it was supposed to be a learning experience! That’s okay, the second game I didn’t help at all, just the kids!
It was a great day, they even hopped up on my lap to do some wheelies, which is really silly to do with them on my lap! I think they get a kick out of it, and I don’t mind too much.
Glad to have gotten to spend some time with them all, great to be able to see the family. Oh yeah I didn’t have any alcohol either! That was great!
12/30
I need to start incorporating and using my legs more and more! This has been something I’ve been thinking a lot about. I know that this upcoming year will be a chance to do this!
I took my shirt and hoodie off with my feet on the ground! This was a first!!! Added to the list!
Not much to report on today because it’s been busy visiting with the momma. Time well spent is time not on the phone, so I am glad to have days like this.
12/31
Every morning, so many different feels! It’s crazy how warm and full my hips and thighs feel, and also how much the urge to go pee is too! Wow!
Well, that was sad. That was really sad. And I guess really humbling. I’m pretty bummed out. I just slipped off the front of the wheelchair when I was trying to help mom with some stuff on her iPad. I don’t even know how it happened. It sucked. I just slipped off and my legs didn’t hold me up. This has got me feeling so bad, it makes me feel useless, like I’m not worth anything. I really feel bad. I need these guys to work, to start picking up the slack.
I guess, I can’t be too hard on them. They are trying. I know they’ve come such a long way. I really don’t like how this makes me feel though. I cried. This made me feel so useless. Falling to the floor really makes you have to think about your life, what’s happening in it, and how you got to here (here being the floor). I sometimes feel like my whole life flashes before me when this happens.
The flash back starts, and I go back to being a little kid, from the perspective of being on the floor/ the height I would have been when I’m this low. I really do remember what it looks like, looking at the counter in the kitchen from this height. I remember when mom used to have to put out a stool for me to help with baking on the counter in the middle of the kitchen. We loved helping like that, I always wondered what it would be like to be able to reach the top of the cabinets without climbing on the counter. We did that a lot, my brothers and I. We climbed on everything, if we couldn’t reach it, we would climb it.
I would usually climb up there, and kneel on the counter, so that I could reach the cups in the cabinet. We would do almost anything we could get our feet and hands access to. Anything we would try, and it was just something that we had to do. People always wonder why I have such a hard time asking for help these days, and it turns out that I’ve always, since as far as I can remember, tried to do things on my own.
It wasn’t because I wasn’t able to ask anyone for help, but because I have this innate drive to be able to. I guess always being the short kid didn’t help with this, because there was always so much in life that you would get passed on because you weren’t tall. It drove me nuts. I didn’t need that to be a reason why I couldn’t do something. So I need these legs to keep getting stronger. Which I will continue to do. I was noticing how significantly my legs have been responding to me working them throughout the day. They have really been working on being able to get me up and hold me up it’s crazy. They really are doing so much. But it is crazy to think that they haven’t done any of this before. It’s just really hard when I have to see such slow progress day after day.
The amount of hard things I have to do throughout the day would make most people want to go home and call their mothers for help. It’s insane. If you want to do anything, buckle up, because you’re about to be in for a ride.
Predictive text got turned off on my phone, it was getting really annoying always having these other words pop up to be suggested. Let me think and choose my own words, okay?
This chair has brought so many challenges, and I seem to be facing new ones every day. That’s okay, because I’m trying to do a new thing everyday. I am in for quite the ride.
The Astronaut on Earth 
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