2/8/26 – GI heartbreak and New Acquaintances
This was an eventful morning for my GI tract. He was very active, noisey, and very uncomfortable what felt like all night! This is getting tough, never letting my body catch up on the weekends, and then hitting it hard again during the week! I need to scale back on this weekends! I’ve been trying to catch up on rest, but it’s basically only getting me back to a standard level, as opposed to a highly rested state!
My lower legs in this second bout of sleep this morning are REALLY waking up! The sensations are off the charts this morning! It’s really incredible! My ankles, feet, calves and shins are feeling so much!
How do we help our mechanoreceptors? What is a way for us to help them also heal? Is there anything specific we can do!?
I’m finally doing a supine lay, and my legs need to try to fall to my right, to extend, as opposed to my left, which kinda puts them in flexion and then they spasm? All these asymmetries I need to work out of this body! This new seat cushion is really helping with this! I can feel the daily activation continue to skyrocket!
Low abs have seriously also skyrocketed in sensations and activation! Hips and glutes too! I can feel a constant squeeze in my quads as well! I really like that! Slowly creeping down the chain!
Really tried to get caught up on sleep today, I really needed it!
Went to a super interesting and fun party today! Got introduced and met some very interesting people! Honestly I never know who I’m gonna meet sometimes!
Got groceries and got up in the standing frame, absolutely cooked today!
2/9/26 – The Pull / Back to Back Appts
I’m trying to work out how I am able to get into prone more? I feel like I can’t really do that in bed anymore, and for whatever reason at the end of the day I always tell myself it’s too late or I’m too tired to get on the floor? Which honestly I’m not too sure about?
I can feel the split and call for attention from my project, work, and my recovery. It’s a lot to juggle!
I better get up cuz I have 2 appts back to back for the GI specialist and the yearly follow up with the Urologist! always so much to do!
I still feel tired from all this partying from the weekend? My body doesn’t bounce back from that nearly as well as it used to…. Always fun but boy is it tricky to work in to the schedule!
All this going on and I don’t even have time for a haircut! Let’s get up and get moving, because it’s gonna be a busy one, well, I should say a full one today!
So it’s wild how my knees, lower legs, ankles, and feet are livening up so much! I’m feeling how my lower legs are really helping me stabilize and hold my position while in the chair! My knees actually almost even feel sore from all the work they are doing! Also too, there’s an interesting reddening and small ‘petechiae-like’ red bumps forming below my knees? This happened in my lower abdomen before when they were waking up originally, so I am hoping that’s what this is too?! It’s odd I’m wondering what they are from, because I know it’s not the same as everyone else!
I wonder how the grant applications are progressing!
I feel so bad. I feel so bad. I feel so bad. I feel so bad. To have to be alive after your body should have been gone long ago is absolutely nerve wracking and entirely like nothing has ever prepared you for in your entire life. It’s agony. Your body is constantly trying to rip you apart when you least expect it. An afternoon nap to get some rest turns into an agonizing whole body mind trip to the dark dimension where nothing inside your body feels right, it’s hot, it’s burning, it’s cold, it’s terrorizing, it makes you question why the entire existence of anyone or anything is extended or prolonged in such a way. I hate myself. And I hate that I have to experience this. This is so messed up I cannot even try to describe the agony and hurt right now because so few words are able to be thought in more and than a few words at a time. Nothing even makes sense.
2/10/26 – GI Issues
It’s hard when your body doesn’t make sense, and is capable of such intense pain. I also had no idea constipation in my body could hurt so much, for so long, and put me out for such a long time. It’s really not a fun experience, and it makes you question everything, even down to your most important relationships in life. Kinda sucks, really, if I’m being honest.
This past weekend was awful for my gut. I’m glad I went to the GI specialist yesterday, to get some clarity on it all, and hopefully work on a plan to prevent these issues in the future. More therapy, and some more tests, to check out function. Not exactly thrilled but not giving up, either. It’s been a long couple weeks, and this winter has been hard on me.
it’s been interesting as the pain is lowering, how much activation throughout my low core, hips, obliques, glutes, quads, lower legs, ankles, and feet! It’s wild how it’s always progressing in the background, even with these bouts of intense pain. Glad I took the day off from PT yesterday because I was all out of sorts.
There’s a balance I’m trying to find, with Callie, on all of these really hard moments. We need some help. And I will have to dig in a bit to try to help us out with this. To have to be in so much pain at times, and to also ‘remain cool’ isn’t an easy thing to do. It’s also a lot to try to expect from Cal when these moments pop up too. There’s gotta be a balance, and I’m not sure yet where to go for all this.
It’s been a lot, this weekend. And not a ton of movement for me. We were busy, but since I was in the chair a lot, my physical body didn’t get a lot of movement, and I think that only exacerbated things. Again, this balance I’m trying to find.
I guess I’ll start with limiting my alcohol consumption. This is a hard one for me, since it’s never caused me any troubles in the past, really. It’s just been a fun one, a social adder, a real treat. My body doesn’t handle the recovery time from it well at all, so I need to be really careful about when I partake, because it really has the opportunity to set me back, HARD. I didn’t get any rest at all this weekend, and I feel like all I did was try to get rest. It’s also not like I’m consuming in excess either! It’s 2 drinks for goodness sakes! That’s not a lot!
Balance. I’m working on it. I’ll have to tell myself that right now isn’t the time to drink, because I have a lot to do in my life, and it just doesn’t fit in with what I am doing at the moment. Doesn’t mean forever, just now. I can live with that. I just need to be consistent and kind to myself.
All this weekend has done too, is distract me and prevent me from working on my legs and body. It’s put me in a state of disarray, and it’s been tough for me. So let’s shake this funk, get moving, hug and hold your Callie, and get on with it all!
I can do that.
THIS WAS WILD!’ Feeling my lower abdomen wake up in real time!! It felt like a scene from Harry Potter, when they take the polyjuice potion, and their muscles and body starts to bubble, gurgle, and reshape into the new forms?? THAT was exactly what I was feeling!? This is insane!
Heavy Bag might have had something to do with this! I tried to get up and hit this sucker! I was having a great session with this, and it really helps wake up parts of my body down low beneath!
2/11/26 – Improvements!
This is phenomenal! Activation and sensation is truly rising daily! I really needed this extra rest today! Last night and yesterday kicked my butt!!!
This might actually suggest some improvements in:
• Autonomic regulation
• Sacral spinal function
• Blood flow control
• Pelvic nerve responsiveness
• Overall spinal cord integration
From a recovery standpoint, this falls into the category of:
Return of maybe some reflex autonomic function
Keeping the circuits awake until the wiring catches up!! That’s what I’m trying to do!
PT was interesting because I was feeling so much different addiction!
Prone time trying to actually get straight! This always feels great, if I’m being honest!
Knee length misalignment, or positioning misalignment in the braces?
Stretching before I get some rest, trying not to be so tight before I lay.
Another Death Night.
2/12/26 – Rough Night / Death Dream
So it’s feeling intense.
Internal Agony – External Confusion / Despair
It’s not easy, having a body that needs so much help along the way. It’s burning me out. It’s running me down. It’s running Callie down. We’re at our wits end.
My body is feeling so much, but also I can’t slip up at all for one second, it feels. I’m a slave to my body. I guess, aren’t we all.
There’s light, I can see it distantly on the horizon. When I wake, there’s hope. As the day goes and I work closer to that horizon, sometimes it gets further away, and it gets harder and harder to grasp.
How do I live with all this pain? how do I let it happen? I sure as heck know I need to cut out the alcohol. And get this GI tract in check. I absolutely need to. This is non-negotiable. Problem is I’m a sucker for socializing. I like what situations the alcohol can create! It’s never been an issue in my life. Until now. Ugh, I’ll figure it out.
My body is just tight and hurting and uncomfortable in so many places and so many ways. It’s unreal. Don’t lose sight. Keep your focus.
You gotta review this stuff at night, slow down, and get your body in check and ready for the night. You’re not getting enough sleep and it’s dragging you on. It’s hurting you and Callie. Work on it, Joe.
If anyone can try to do this, I sure as hope you can. I don’t even know who I’m talking to, if this is my past, present, or future self talking to my past, present or future. It’s all a blur. One day at a time.
“When I sleep, I’ll tread with care.” – these lines hit me hard as Scott Hutchison belted them out, this early morning. I don’t know why I turned this on, but it made me cry. It was a lot to take in, this morning, and after I woke and got done going to the bathroom, I had to come back and hug Cal, and tell her I love her, and that I will be treading with care in these rough nights.
This song had a certain air of hope in it. Something that you might not catch right away, but I did this time. And it struck deep. I realized this was a song about hope, and I was goi g to be okay. And I needed to let Cal know.
Got my lower seat support in the cushion added! This is INSANE for support! Ryan over in RPD really hooked me up so quick with this! Again these guys are honestly always the best to work with! I’m lucky I got some good friends in them.
Got my left brace all modified! Dang Elliot really whipped this together! That was insane how quick he did it! I even got up standing in the machine shop! This was great! One done, one to go!
Really tired today. Really tired. Need to get some rest.
2/13/26 – Contracting Legs – Breathing In
I’m absolutely stunned with how much rest I got yesterday, and how much feeling and activation there is in my entire body and legs! As my legs were stepping in place while on my right side, I would let it happen, and then I would try to extend my legs, and all of a sudden, I can feel myself pushing the sheets and bed, and I’m literally growing taller and pushing my head closer to the head of the bed!?! This is insane!?!
My body has needed so much needed rest, I think I got something on the order of 12hrs of sleep last night, and my body is really responding! That new cushion insert, to help make the seat cushion more firm, is really helping!! It’s insane!! As soon as I put that under my cushion, it felt like a step change in terms of activation in my legs?? Like why is that!?!
So my whole body is feeling like it’s activating! I got my KAFOs modified, and I really want to try to use them with just the crutches, and continue to knock down support! Between that and the exoskeleton, I think my body is going to be making some significant jumps in activation!
My low abdomen has really been waking up, and this is all the timing of when my GI tract has been getting out of whack?! Coincidence? I’m not sure! But this is truly a huge step change! I want to make sure I’m continuing the work almost daily for my legs! My quads right now feel so much activation!!! Now I need to figure out how to balance all the work and my GI tract!?!
Better get up, another busy day ahead, and also got Visceral Manipulation, with Pelvic Floor referral too, to talk about!!
So as I’m driving home from work, I notice something interesting. “Am I able to keep my legs contracted, as in my glutes, quads, gastroc’s, feet, hips, while I also relax my abdomen, and breathe deeply through my diaphragm?” This question came up because I was noticing, that I was able to relax part of my abdomen with each breath, as I was able to hold the contraction in my lower legs? This seems interesting because I was able to hold such a strong contraction in my low legs for the first time like this!
Almost like my breath can be used to help me modulate and differentiate between the two different phases of muscle functioning, excitatory and inhibitory. Contract and relax. I need em both to get the muscles to work right, so why not work both of them? To Therese’s point as well, if I switch the breath during an exercise, and it gets harder, it’s working my muscles differently! This is fascinating!
My left shoulder needs some work with depression and retraction. My right side seems to be working really well, and as I hold both of my arms up, my right is secure, and my left less secure? This asymmetry im really trying to work through!
Better keep moving, it’s been a busy day. I’m always shocked and sometimes impressed now, with everywhere you end up going and doing on your own. My body really needs this movement!
So as I’m protracting and retracting my shoulders, my right is super smooth, and my left pops and cracks when I go from end of range in retraction, and then quickly protract my shoulder? These are the pops and cracks I’ve been working on, hopefully this movement will help as well!
Talking to Callie earlier, about how some specialists and doctors who don’t have any history with spinal cord injury patients, sometimes come into conversations with me, a little less afraid, or perturbed. They are hopeful. Mind you, they are just regular doctors, in the sense they aren’t specific with treating only folks with a spinal cord injury. And because of that, I feel like they don’t cast any preconceived notions about previous patients or bias, towards me in conversation. Because of this, they give me a chance to work on parts of my body ?
2/13 contd.
What’s interesting too is how much I have worked on and gained in my body? Because I’ve simply not let the fear of doubt fall into my brain, I just continue working? The only garuantee is that if I stop now, I’ll never get back walking. So I continue each day, feeling small and subtle changes, that have been accumulating and gaining momentum over time! I just got my KAFO braces modified so I hope now I can continue on this journey!
Best to get upstairs and see what I can do!
Made it out to eat without any alcoholic drinks tonite! Hopefully this helps set me up for a good weekend!
2/14 – Productive Saturday’s
Wow, the outside of my hip activation! Low back, outside of back, obliques / QL / TA area?! This feeling wraps around into my quads too for a full feeling down into my legs! Honestly this is great I’m waking up not hungover! This is so great! Also ate some good food too, yesterday as well!
I’ll have to get up and get moving today! Got the braces modified, get to the gym for some heavy bag, maybe the Exo or some floor time!? All of this would be great! The weekends really should be full of movement for me, as I actually get to rest, get caught up on sleep, and I don’t have the normal duties for the day!
I’m hearing a ton of movement in my GI tract after the work Nina did too, yesterday! Lots of activation throughout my legs! My lower legs feel surrounded, and my ankles and feet are feeling fuller too!
I’ll have to continue on the hip rotational alignment, something Ashley and I noticed! My left glute needs some waking up!
Speaking of which, I can feel how they are wanting and trying to fill out, contract more, widen, and fill in my hip area! It’s quite significant! Especially too, if I’m going to be hinging at my hips more and less spinal flexion, my glutes abs, and hips are going to need to be strong and flexible to help support that movement!
Let’s see how today goes! Dang, does THC affect sleep this much? I’m looking at my stress levels from the Garmin over night, and they barely dip down at all? Is this causing the high stress? It’s odd because it helps my muscles relax so much!?! What is the deal!?
Had a bit of a mish-match of a day! Did project work for a WHILE before I got to move around!
Got up in the braces and the crutches for the first time today!! I need to remember, if it’s the first time I’m doing something, it’s going to be HARD!! I really noticed that!….
Left leg already too small for the brace?….
Made it to the Heavy Bag! Now what was interesting, is I was noticing a very subtle and interesting difference, I need to engage my muscles, with alternating breaths, in various positions to get them to work! Not just singular positions! I was noticing how this was changing with each breath as well! I will have to play around with this!
Was up till 11:30 working on my project!…..
What a day! Callie did quite the haircutting! This looks great!
Need some rest! What a heckuva day. I need more Saturday’s like today.
Works Cited
- https://positivepsychology.com/writing-therapy/
- https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/c5y9z0g7lleo.amp
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_W._Pennebaker
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reflex
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3366057/
- https://blog.nasm.org/postural-and-phasic-muscles
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_Scott_Sherrington
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikolai_Bernstein
- Born to walk – James Earl pg 43
The Astronaut on Earth 
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