12/28 – Flip The Script
Reflexes… what’s it all about?! Because we originally get the term from Rene Descartes, and then a man (Physiologist) named Marshall Hall, in the 19th century, more specifically in 1833. It’s just curious to me, because I am not sure yet, and am not convinced, our understanding of reflexes, and reflex arcs has significantly changed since then? As I’m reading here quick in the morning, “The underlying sites and mechanisms of reflex modulation are not fully understood.” [4] it’s interesting that this sentence pops up in my research as soon as I write this?
Because I can tell in my own body, how this may not be true, as in our full understanding? I can feel my legs getting into extension more and more! Also too, this morning I really have to go to the bathroom, and I can feel how this also affects sensation and affect on my musculature? I know they say autonomic does not equal automatic, but the nervous system, as well as the autonomic nervous system in my body right now are Rewiring and coming back online! It’s been fascinating witnessing these changes, and noticing how even the slightest change in positive thought, or mindset, affects my body so much?
I’m trying to get to the bottom of this, and it’s so “unnerving” or seemingly “backwards”? The more I fight a thought or sensation, the harder it is? If I *think I’m tight, at the end of the night, the tighter I am? And the more I fixate on sensations, the more amplified they seem to get? (I.e. urge to go pee, tight hamstrings, urge to have a bowel movement, sweatiness). So I have been attempting to flip the script in my head, and re-assign, and attempt to amplify the positive sensations, hips and knees in extension, quads activated, core and trunk secure, glutes activated! I can still feel when I need to get the urge for either bowel or urinary movements, but fixating on them less, and focusing on the rest? Seems to be the way to go?
It’s so confusing, because I know my body is working to rewire, regroup, reorganize. I’m also trying to get my body the cleanest signals possible. I also know it’s hard to balance it all, sometimes. Let’s use 2026 as a year to give my body the positive mental attitude, paired with good consistent work, and the mental stimuli of my new projects!
Okay here we go, time to get up!
So as I’m going to bed, my legs are feeling extremely full. Very engaged, but not quite able to “move”? I wonder if there’s another good word for this? They do move, if my upper body pulls and moves them, but not quite the movement on their own? The activation is there, and I’m also noticing how much less tingly the ‘ice feelings’ and sensation is there as well? My abdomen too, has been feeling more and more seemingly random tightness pop up?
I’m very interested in understanding the development in reflexes. I feel like lately, my left eye “wink” in conversation is also becoming more and more reflexive, during certain moments throughout the day? I caught myself doing the left eye wink, and then realized too, there might be a connection here? The environment, conversation, sound, emotions, feelings, you name it. I’m not sure what it is? But something?
12/29 – Thanking my Body
Thank you, body. For trying. Thank you for trying to move, for fighting being stationary, for fighting not moving, for fighting paralysis. You haven’t given up, I’m not giving up, and my mind isn’t giving up either. For whatever reason that I can’t think of, this past night, I tried something very different. My legs have been feeling so much different these past couple days, and the only difference has been positivity, and gratitude?
I haven’t even gotten to really move around more, truth be told I’m moving a lot less than PT weeks, and my body feels more engaged, more full and ready? It’s sooo weird! Last night too, when I woke up to do my middle of night bathroom break, I flipped the blankets off me, and looked down, and who was down there? None other than my toes! I was looking at my left leg outstretched and extended enough that I could see the tips of my left toes! I never get to see them this extended! This was incredible!
So instead of fighting the spasms or discomfort in my left abdomen, I try to feel and really feel what is moving, and then I thanked my body. It was so weird and uncomfortable, but it’s almost like I’m able to get my autonomic nervous system to be overridden? Almost like I was getting my parasympathetic nervous system to kick in, and cool me down? It’s so crazy, because after maybe 1-2 breaths, and me thanking my body, it stops… I don’t fight it, I lean into it, accept and thank it, and my body doesn’t do it anymore?
This is extremely peculiar and I’m not even sure what to make of it right now? But my legs are full, engaged, mobilizing, contracting, and participating in ways I wasn’t quite able to understand?
I wasn’t focusing on tight hamstrings, or hip flexors, or the urge to pee. I was just thanking my body that it was generating movement. Almost simple as that?
I really want to make sense of all this right now, but I’m going to continue to feel out my body, and feel what I can feel. And just try to continue this? I was trying yesterday not to fight what I was feeling, and I could feel the tingling go away and subside in my feet? Almost like the nerve connections were being re-routed correctly?
I take a deeper breath, and try to feel what I’m feeling. Warmth in my knees, obliques and side abdomen engaged, outer legs all the way down to my ankles! Gastroc’s, tib anterior, ankles, feet! It’s honestly amazing! I need to (or I think) be able to feel em before I can control em? Huh? The weird things I try to do when my body is restless at night. It’s so weird. All I can say is during the night, my mind is able to come up with some crazy ideas, and then I just try em, cuz what do I have to loose?
I remember I fell asleep last night, actively trying to get each muscle group in my legs to relax. It was so cool! I can’t believe it worked! Sometimes I wake back up from a dream, and I’m awestruck that I was just resting? As in, “how did that just happen?!” So I lean into it, and run with it!
I wonder what today will bring, if I just lean into these spasms, contractions, or movements? Breathe into them, let them take place, give them space? Let’s try it and see what happens?
Motor control seems to follows this order?:
1. Detection
2. Differentiation
3. Regulation
4. Voluntary control
12/30 – Flash Forward
I need to check out hip alignment because I noticed that lying on my left vs right side is not quite the same? There’s something going on there? Hmm?
It’s been an interesting week because my legs continue to fill out, but I haven’t been working them like crazy like I usually do? I wonder what’s up with that? I guess all this rest is really important?! I’ll have to get back in the groove for the New Year! I know I’m always trying to do so much, but one day at a time!
‘Flash Forward’ – twice today? It was interesting the one flash forward was about a future world needing to always be solving successively harder and harder problems? Then the other, was, what I believe, was me as a community member going and talking to the local officials as a business owner representative? I think?
I was really working on flipping the script today too! Especially during the car ride! My legs are feeling really interesting too, especially after the standing frame session I just had!
Cooked. Tired. I’m so tired after this long drive. Glad to have got in the standing frame and showered. Let’s get a refresh on some movement tomorrow!
I’m really glad to have been able to see my family, it’s been a great time visiting with everyone! Just bummed the Exo didn’t work!
12/31 – New Signals
As all the thoughts come flooding in my head, more and more as I wake, I get this feeling, this urge, to write? To try to capture as much of these fleeting thoughts as I can? I had this thought, as I realized my legs, quads, lower legs, shins, tibialus anterior, ankles, and feet were really lighting up? It’s almost as if the signals get stuck in my pelvis, I confuse the signal for the urge to pee, I get up and go relieve myself, and then I don’t allow the sensations to travel to their rightly place?
It’s peculiar, because I have been “waiting it out” a bit more, instead of always just giving in to the urge to have to go relieve myself. When I do that, I feel the urge change, my legs fill up, and I’m able to get back to sleep? Almost as if it is really new signals trying to make their way through, and if I don’t ever let them, they never will?
It’s so odd, I’m genuinely in shock because when I went to go get in the standing frame for the first time in a week yesterday, I not only didn’t feel tighter than I did a few weeks prior, but my legs felt more alive? As if what I’m doing with the gratitude and thankfulness for my legs is actually making a difference?
I can feel my left knee, under my patella, pulsating? My left hip is too? The asymmetry between my left and right leg? I can feel these muscles engaging, when I go to voluntarily contract them while I lay here in bed? Honestly, for that, I’m thankful too? The changes keep happening, and I have to keep it up!
I’m so intrigued by the fact that my body continues to make slow changes. Nothing huge overnight, but slow and steady engagement! It’s cool to know our bodies will continue to improve, if we allow it and help facilitate the movement!
1/1 – New Year
It’s a quarter past 1, and I’m kinda just waking up for the 2nd time? We stayed up till 4am! I cannot believe it! It’s almost like my body and mind are able to stay up now a bit better? It’s so crazy, how my legs are filling up and filling in! I really do need to try doing some unassisted standing in the walker! Get these KAFO’s reshaped, and get upright!
I’m just shocked at how awake my legs feel! My outer hips, low back and glutes!
Holy smokes, my entire posterior / lateral trunk on my right side just had a jolt of lightening when I got my right leg crossed over my left! It seriously just woke up right before my eyes! A huge rush of new sensation and pain in the lows of my right back and glutes came firing online!! Shoot it’s all the way down to my leg and ankle and foot too!
So Callie noticed, how when I get in the standing frame, my left leg has less weight in it? How can I fix this?
Tonic vs phasic firing is interesting. A lot of my muscles in my legs need their Tonic levels increased. The phasic portion of the firing patterns also needs work, but I can’t get them to “fire” if the gates aren’t opened and turned “on” (aka the Tonic portion). It’s so interesting because the way Central Pattern Generators (CPGs) work in our body really isn’t fully understood…yet. It’s so interesting to me because I feel my self trying to get these turned back on!
You know, it’s interesting I wonder what all the shouting, yelling, hootin’, and hollering’ does to my body and nervous system?
1/2 – Mayer Waves
I had quite the dream last night. It’s crazy how much just thinking about the accident makes me cry. This was a “flash forward” dream in the courtroom… I don’t really want to get into too much detail, but the emotions that event is always able to muster up, really gets to me. It’s so tough.
I don’t want to dwell on that dream too much this morning, I’d rather focus on all the changes in sensation instead. My legs are really getting more and more time in extension, and I can feel how much easier they are staying in this position too! That jolt of lightening down my right side yesterday was really interesting! Slowly but surely my body is waking up!
I still need to work on the walker standing and KAFO modifications, but I know I will get to them. Learning about Tonic and Phasic firing patterns has really clicked in my head! I can feel the warmth from the increased tone in my quads. I need to try to continue to progress this area of research too! Getting this whole body rounded out is what I’m going to try to do!
So as I’m reading about inspiritory and expiritory breathing and neuronal activity in cats, they bring up an idea that piqued my interest. It was called ‘Mayer Waves’. A 0.1Hz oscillation of arterial blood pressure? They didn’t say what causes this, only that it happens. The abstract of this paper started like this, “It is unknown how central neural activity produces the repetitive termination and restart of periodic breathing (PB).” [5]
It’s so odd to me how little we know about the central nervous system, but I find it fascinating to try to uncover some truths to the observations I have been noticing in my recovery. How we don’t even know how the central nervous system controls breathing, makes me think there is just so much to uncover about it!
Postural (or Tonic) and Phasic muscle definitions is really helping me piece together some much needed info about my recovery. I really need my postural muscles all to wake back up, so I can then send Phasic muscles signals to get things locomoting! (National academy of sports medicine) NASM. [6]
Hmm Dr Vladimir Janda….
This guy is interesting! I have a lot of research to do on him!
http://www.jandaapproach.com/about/
Upper and Lower Crossed Syndrome…. I got some reading to do!
Slide board assisted glute bridges???? Let’s try em today!
Hmmm pulling myself around instead of “pushing”….. I need to try this more!
1/3/26 – Laying & Working in Supine
So I just fell back asleep, I’m still supine, my legs are still extended! I’m not all sweaty! My quads are still engaged! What is happening!?! What is this!?! How do I continue this progress!? This tonic activation is persisting even when I’m resting! This is amazing! I’m lying on my back right now, my legs are relaxed, quads engaged, and I literally feel like these quads can hold me up while I stand!
I had two interesting dreams, one where I was realizing my legs were straight while sleeping, and then another where I was able to get myself up to stand!! That was so cool!
I think the brain learns movement backwards….
state → tone → control → motion
Not the other way around?
1. State
(autonomic regulation, safety, arousal)
2. Tone
(baseline postural muscle activity)
3. Control
(motor planning, coordination, intention)
4. Motion
(observable movement?)
I honestly just had a great session on the floor! I just tried “board-assisted-skateboard-glute-bridges” and they didn’t go as well to start out as I wanted, but they were getting better! I have to start somewhere! I knew these were going to be brutal, but I’m going to keep at these! I know I got it! Just one day at a time!
So in the standing frame at 10:37pm. I adjusted the knee supports laterally out, and I feel much better supported! Also too, reading about the descriptors of the world, in terms of our adjectives and modifier nouns, has been interesting as well? Interesting session! Let’s get some rest!
Works Cited
The Astronaut on Earth 
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