12/20 – Knee’s In Extension
So I need to get my legs to be safe, more specifically, my knees, in extension… but how do I do this? How do they learn that it’s not only safe, but good, comfortable, and the place for them to be, in extension? I understand “tight hamstrings” “weak quads”, but honestly, it’s been a bit like this, and I think they need a shake up. I need a different approach. I do understand the consistency aspect to all my work outs, but what if it was something entirely different than what I’m thinking of that causes this tightness?
Just for a moment, I’m trying to approach this like a new problem. Instead of looking at it from the same lens / perspective. I can feel in bed, when I’m lying on either side or supine, that my knees are pushing out more! This tells me there’s something going on in my subconscious when I’m sleeping, that is changing? How do I tap into this? And continue the progress during the day?
I keep going back, thinking, and realizing, I need to probably work on the free standing, or self supported standing, more often. Honestly, probably in long sit, and laying too. I’ve noticed that my left side, I’m able to lay on for longer and longer throughout the night, and all I’ve done is tell my body, “this is okay, it’s safe” and paired it before and throughout the day with movement.
I’ll work on this. And my consistency. And also, these leg braces I’m going to rework!
So we made it back. I’m sitting in a regular chair, but no padded backrest. It’s interesting because I can feel my abdomen, start to relax, more similarly to when I got in a chair pre-accident. My body, and like I said, abdomen, is relaxing?
Quite the day, doing the Christmas shopping that we did! Pretty tiring, all said and done.
I got up in the standing frame, and the kitchen chair for a bit. It’s interesting what a firm surface to sit on does for my leg activation? It’s kinda interesting, because it is so much more than what feels like in this wheelchair?
Not much of a day for movement. It was weird how in the stores I can notice how much I need to get my body moving. It’s so hard. Balancing it all. Keep it all straight in my head. (Sigh). I don’t know what all this means, and I’m trying. But boy, does it feel like I can never keep up, or stay on top of it all. Makes me sad, cuz I feel so close?
12/21 – Writing Exercises, Pattern Making & Astronauts
I know how emotions and feelings can bubble up, cloud, and make situations feel worse or more difficult than they really are. They can even twist something into what it is not.
I’ve had to deal with too many of these situations, and it’s never worth the heightened emotions at the time. I’m constantly working on my patience, and it helps in situations, where it might otherwise feel like you have no other choice / or options.
My body is getting stronger. I’m working on him. But I’m also strengthening my mind. I really am working on my patience, these days are very trying to me, to say the least.
I just read a super interesting article from positive psychology today, and here is what I found: “Another study tested the same writing exercise on over 100 asthma and rheumatoid arthritis patients, with similar results. The participants who wrote about the most stressful event of their lives experienced better health evaluations related to their illness than the control group, who wrote about emotionally neutral topics (Smyth et al., 1999).” [1]
Huh, so turns out, it looks like people are studying how writing affects not just our minds, but our entire body! I honestly see it in my day to day as well! Turns out, it’s just a slow, arduous process.
I’m really trying to keep all aspects in my life moving forward, and it’s definitely difficult when I am working thru problems that don’t feel related to my body, but they are.
I’m going to continue to slowly and patiently work on my mind, with my body. The song Lonely Island – by Amble sticks out in my head right now:
“The mountains are taller than ever before
I know it’s not an island for one”
These mountains I face in my life sure seem high, sometimes. Others, not so much. But this island is not an island for one.
I’m gonna continue to work every day, because I know that’s what I’m good at. I hope I can make something decent happen today.
Heavy Bag today! Seriously a whole ‘nother level of activation in my legs!!
How quickly do people forget what they have read / learned? What is that timeframe? I think it’s really tied into what we also learn and apply, right? As in what we do throughout the day, to reinforce these words? It’s interesting I can feel it.
I just learned today, that an engineer in a wheelchair at ESA (European Space Agency) was able to go to space with Blue Origin! This is incredible! I’m really glad that she was able to do this, fulfill part of her dreams! That’s pretty incredible! I seriously wonder what it would feel like in my legs, in zero gravity? I’ve always wondered that? I’d like to get a chance to speak with her! Her name is Michaela Benthaus, and it’s interesting because she did what I was actually thinking of doing, she reached out to a retired astronaut! I mean, how smart of her! She beat me to it! Kinda crazy, the timing of it all, if you think about it! I’ll have to get my ducks in a row, I have so many projects I’m working on right now! But I like it that way!
If I were to be able to talk with her, it would be interesting to get their perspective too, on it all! It’s been quite the journey, working thru this accident, I’m sure she’s got a story too!
While up in the standing frame, I need to figure out why my left leg is slipping out laterally, and posteriorly? It’s a weird position to slip into? And it throws my whole body off. I rotate axially, and I’m not weight bearing the same through my feet? It’s so weird? Adjustments need to be made here!
WOW! That Standing Frame ‘toot’ was one of the most significant ones I’ve had to date! I’m REALLY feeling that one! I can also feel down in my deep pelvic region, off slightly to my left, a weird/ deep feeling? I don’t quite know how to put my finger on it?
I can feel myself starting to make better patterns, as I get caught up on my notes. Pattern Maker. That’s what I feel like? I’m really trying to piece my body together. And i can feel it working. It’s so odd. It’s very surreal.
I better get some rest!
12/22 – Left Leg Complex & Exo Work + Spinal Stim
Is this my left hamstring? My outer leg? My left hip flexor? Something in my left leg complex, is so overactive? Its overactivity really affects the other descending signals I’m trying to send. So when I try to squeeze my left glute, it’s almost like it gets interrupted by this “complex”? I do notice, that very active left glute engagement does help that area simmer down? Maybe there’s something to that?
I can feel my breath is affected by this too. Up in the standing frame last night, it felt like my lower inner pelvic floor / hip socket was really getting some interesting “engagement”? The sensation down there is new, and it is crazy how uneven it is from my right leg?
Last night while wrapping presents on the floor, I could feel all the asymmetry between the left and right hip / pelvic area. I really need to continue to focus on evening these areas out!
Also, it was really cool last night re-reading my notes from just LAST week already! It’s helping me consolidate the info sooner, I think? Also, I noticed just how it takes a couple days to consolidate information, editing the previous week also feels like it should take a similar amount of time. Learning about how I learn has been most remarkable, because it feels like we never get to take time as modern humans, to do this for ourselves. It’s quite surreal, makes my head spin a bit.
This week, I want to figure out a good strategy and routine while out of the house, for getting and moving in the exoskeleton! I can use it in the barn, I just need to get a plan, and stick with it!
This morning, I poked my eyes open at 5am. Instead of getting up, I did a lot of body scanning, and some focused breathing. Almost a meditation, if you will. I really need to incorporate that more in my day.
Wow, does my left crotch area really sweat a lot more now, I wonder what’s going on?
James W Pennebaker – His research focuses on the relationship between natural language use, health, and social behavior, most recently “how everyday language reflects basic social and personality processes”. I need to do some research into him!
“Writing doesn’t heal the body because it’s emotional.
It helps because it reorganizes the nervous system.”
I noticed this yesterday. I really need to work back into my routine “Back” specific workouts. I can feel the morning tightness returning, this stinks. I worked so hard on all that back muscle!
Dang, today at PT! I knew I buggered up my shoulder, but I still made it all the way through both sessions! MY QUADS! They really are FIRED UP! I had asked Joni about what I should be feeling or focusing on while doing the tall kneeling exercises, with the new ARC Spinal Stim, and she goes, “Quads, definitely quads for the first 2/3, and then switch to the glutes.” And I am not sure if it was the words or the spinal stim, but it’s hours later and my quads are firing like crazy! I haven’t let go of these quads!
12/23 – Tonic Drive Re-Establishment / “Just Keep Em On”
I definitely need to be drinking water during the night, when I feel my left hip flexor spasming really good. As soon as I drink some water, it’s really quick how soon it starts to calm down.
I’ve had so many thoughts this past night, about the dreams where I was schuhplatting, about my workout regime, about my legs, you name it! There was so much going on, I want to make sure I capture as much of it before I get out of the bed and get moving!
So the dream where I was schuhplatting, in the dream, I realize I could get myself up to stand well enough, and kick my legs around to schuhplat! But not to walk! It was kinda incredible! And so I spent a decent amount of time with my brothers and Paul Schwalbe working on re-learning how to do the dances! It was pretty incredible!
I also had a dream where I was in some sort of a desert resort town? This was weird? And also where I was trying to catch up with Andy and talk to him while we were both walking? Interesting?
So I realized, that last PT session in the Exo, I really think it’s working so much of my body. It’s so weird how my heart rate doesn’t get up in the Exo now, and I need to continue with my Heavy Bag work, to continue progressing! There is the muscle strengthening item, the cardio aspect, and the most misunderstood: The Neurological. It really is so weird, and I think that aspect is the most fatiguing to me, throughout this process! Shoot, last night, it was 7-7:30pm and I was falling asleep at the dinner table, after dinner! I was completely EXHAUSTED!!
It was wild, because I just don’t know what else I can do there, except get ready for bed, and rest! And so I was in bed by 8! When I laid down too, it was one of the most relaxed I have been in supine to date!
AND THEN THE BIG ONE! MY QUADS!!! I worked so hard to hold my quads contracted, during and after PT! It was wild! Seriously when I have a session like yesterday, my quads were worked more than they have to date! It was incredible! I had to take more sitting breaks, and I could feel my quads firing and engaging more than I have to date! It was incredible! And so, what I tried to do, after PT and for the rest of the night, was hold em engaged. I tried to hold my quads engaged and retain that feeling from PT as long as I could! It was truly remarkable how they feel! They are waking up like crazy! When I hold them like this, it really does remind me of a super tired Joe after a long run! It’s great!
And so, I wanted to play around with this feeling, and I have a theory / idea, about just helping the neurological aspect. By just holding. Keeping it engaged. Keeping it flexed, exerted, involved! And so that’s what I did. For the next 4hrs after PT until I literally fell asleep in the chair, I held my quads and kept em on!
It’s crazy cuz I’ve noticed this in other parts of my body too. This constant voluntary signal being sent for 1,2,3,4,5 days, is enough to wake it back up! But I can’t do multiple at once. It’s hard! I noticed how difficult it felt to contract my glutes too yesterday when my quads were on fire? They still felt activating, but less?
So I really need and want these quads to wake up. I think this next week is going to be monumental in quad changes! If I can slowly but surely wake up and turn on the muscles in my legs with a constant contraction (excitation) signal being sent, I’m going to keep doing this. I did it in my abs, my low back, my pelvic floor, and I’m going to continue down the chain.
So the neurological aspect, I think is that. Requiring constant signals. The strengthening can only happen in shorter bursts, the cardio too, in shorter bursts, (both consistent each day) but the neurological I think, needs a constant amount of effort for longer and longer throughout the day?… I’m going to continue messing with this, because I think I found something real.
It’s crazy. This whole entire process. Even when I was waking up this morning I practiced some “good leg” mantras / sayings to myself. “They are improving” “they are contracting longer”. I’m trying to mix this in as well because I can literally FEEL the difference. It’s so wild.
This week at my folks is going to be interesting, and I hope a lot of fun! Christmas, walking, strengthening! One day at a time. I’m getting myself up and on my feet more and more!
tonic drive re-establishment – this is the term I need to investigate!
Some research:
- Air stepping: https://journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/jn.90895.2008
- Breathing influences: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3366057/
- Tonic & physic firing: https://biology.stackexchange.com/questions/24339/what-is-the-difference-between-tonic-and-phasic-firing#:~:text=Tonic%20firing%20typically%20occurs%20without,activity%20can%20be%20transmitted%20postsynaptically.
“Just Keep Em On”
12/24 – Christmas Eve!
Made for quite the day! Callie knit the coolest gift for Julia!
Exo not working / Toilet not working…
Church and Christmas Eve!
We had quite the day with the folks and kiddos! The family really is great to be around. Not much to report on for the recovery, because I wasn’t able to get in the Exo today. I’m really bummed! but my soul got some nourishment from being around family!
12/25 – Christmas Day!
Man oh man! What a day of festivities! Really fortunate for the family and time spent with them! we had a lot of time to catch up! And a lot of laughs along the way!
It was a hard day for movement, didn’t get to move my feet much. I also don’t like asking people for too much help. I spent the first hour being awake, texting a bunch of folks and wishing them merry Christmas! Anywho, days of rest are still good for us!
12/26 – Mind Games / Cross Body Movement
So why does my left abdominal region need to be so aggressive? Is this my colon / GI tract trying to digest food? It’s so hard, to have to lie here and take it.
My legs are activating so much, and I can feel how prominent the sensation is growing too!
I get so out of whack when I come to Michigan. I sit too much. I don’t move enough. I want to socialize and see everyone, and that means I have to do that at the expense of my bodies well being. I just got up and my entire body feels awful and tight in places I never usually feel. And this is just the start of the day. Great.
So I’m down on the floor, and I’m doing these supine cross body movements with weight. I’m going a lot of cross-body movements, cross-angled, and light. I am trying to get some movements in I don’t typically do, and I’m doing them with my eyes closed. It’s interesting too, how much more “even” I feel, and the tightness on my left hip is loosening up quite a bit!
It’s odd too, how when I get my shoulder in flexion and overhead, how with my two hands held on the weight, I can’t get it up as far on my right side, as when I try on my left? It’s really quite interesting?! I also notice too, how active and engaged my legs are this whole little circuit I’m doing! I can feel my left and right legs working to help stabilize, rotate, and extend my arms overhead, then draw my arms down and cross my body!
Also what’s an interesting observation, is how my left side isn’t getting sweaty!? I’m not just “lying” supine, I’m moving, and my legs aren’t getting clammy, or my low back getting sweaty? But my legs are also staying extended?!
So it’s almost like, this sweating starts / imitates at the time or the prolonged period of time for when I am not moving?
This cross body movement has really been helping my body relax, and it’s really interesting too, closing my eyes to really focus on the muscles being worked during these exercises. There’s something special about closing my eyes?
So it’s wild, my left leg is cold, and my right leg is warm? What is happening? Why is this the way it is? Also.. I’m feeling!
12/27 – Small Movements
Small movements. Small activations. Incremental movements. It’s wild, because my legs yesterday were not only feeling so different from the baseline, but were also feeling so different from one another! My right leg was feeling “warm” and fuller than ever, and my left leg had this coolness to it? Very interesting to notice and pick up on? I really have been trying to continue the daily activation, especially in my quads and glutes. It was tough this week having the Rewalk down, and needing service. This has bummed me out to no end! But my legs are still progressing!
I need them to continue to extend, activate more, and continue to help my body into extension! I know it’s possible. I feel it! Yesterday was interesting, working in supine for so long, and doing the cross body work as well! My abdominal area really was liking that! It was so odd too, how the drive to downtown Detroit really seemed to allow the tightness to come back in that area? So odd?!
Just incremental steps. Every day. I just need to keep that up!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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