12/7 – Above Targets
Wow, I’m really feeling how extended my hips and knees are right now as I lay on my side (or even back) here right now as I wake! It’s been really powerful, how much more consistently my hips and knees are getting in extension! I should probably try to work in more independent standing time, aka in the walker? Maybe my legs would respond really well to that too? Who knows?
My quads were getting loaded a ton yesterday. I was really focusing on leaning forward more, and it had a great effect of me feeling so much more load through my feet as well! It really did feel like my legs and feet were turned on all day?! Which is huge! I just need to work on more self assisted standing techniques, I think??
Purpose. – keeping this word in mind helps me maintain this idea, I think.. sometimes it’s hard, but I try.
So, at the gym hitting the Heavy Bag. Turns out my body is really getting put thru the paces. My watch even thinks I may be overdoing it. What’s it say? I’m “Above Targets”?? Great. Sweet. Let’s get some rest.
12/8 – Inner Critic
Activating my parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) is so hard for my body to do. It affects everything in our bodies, and has so many functions. That’s why I am trying to work on Box Breathing, and the ‘Bring The Light’ meditations before I go to sleep. My body really has a hard time calming down. That ‘Inner Critic’ in me, doesn’t ever sleep.
Speaking of which, that ‘Inner Critic’ in me? He doesn’t want to fail. He doesn’t want to just “accept” this life, sitting down. He doesn’t want me to give up. It’s weird, because the line between me and this inner critic is very blurred. I don’t ever want to give up on my legs. I feel them slowly but surely getting stronger. So what is this inner critic, really? He might be the one who hates you? Who doesn’t like yourself? Who doesn’t think “this is enough”?
I guess, when is enough, enough? Because the more I do, the stronger I get, the happier and calmer me and my body feels? Who is this Inner Critic? Is this the time in my life to actually listen to them? Because, I guess it can still be done with some balance. There doesn’t need to be this letting go and giving up. But there doesn’t have to be the hate either.
This last part is so hard to let go of. It is so difficult to do “life”. And part of the reason I continue to work is to hopefully alleviate some of that “difficulty”. (Sigh). I guess too, making sure I get enough rest when I’m working this hard is probably a good start. It seems like I may be stretching myself a bit too thin? But, I guess I am going to continue working? Not sure what that’s mmm means? But getting more rest?
So today, I feel like a lot has happened. I looked at my watch at one point, and had to go, “what day is it? Is it only Monday?” It’s crazy, because I’m always having to do so much. I guess that’s why I’m working on trying to figure out when to give my body a break? Like, when is it enough? I just have so much to do. It’s so much.
PT went well, lots of upper body work in the Exo, and then did a bunch of laps! It was great! My legs are feeling and engaging so much, today the engagement from the knees down was off the charts! It was unbelievable!
12/8 – The Optimist
Welp, I had some awful sleep last night. Ugh. I’m tired.
Paul Dirac – “it is more important to have beauty in one’s equations, then have them fit an experiment.”
From the physicist, John Ellis – “in the words of the candy rapper that I opened a few years ago, it is only the optimist to achieve anything in this world.”
Here’s an interesting theory, to help prove out some sort of set of experiments to prove out 10 dimensions in quantum theory, what if you created a small scale “Big Bang“ and created a mini universe? Like, what would that even look like? Is that even ethical?
To harness the power of the 10 dimensional string field theory, would be equivalent to and also more powerful or greater than anything Edison envisioned, capturing and qualifying and using faradays field theory equations. Super strength theory. Also, super string theory is at home at the instance of creation, like how a wild cheetah is at home in the African savanna? Interesting thoughts, from Hyperspace! That book continues to boggle my mind, I love how it makes me think!
Did God have a mother? This is a fun one to think about? They also posed this question in Hyperspace, makes ya think!
St. Thomas Aquinas poem about creation? Interesting perspective way back then! The Greeks were the first to use rigor when looking at an analyzing nature, and I find this extremely fascinating. It’s where a lot of our first scientific findings came from! We had to start somewhere!
The Teleological Proof – something I am not sure I am able to intelligently talk on? It’s an interesting and fascinating subject, that the Greeks were even fascinated with! The idea of an intelligent creator! All of these folks from yesteryear were really intrigued with proving this one out! Not sure if I’m there yet, best to leave it to the Stoics to discuss!
8:27pm, up in standing frame, my body feels how both relieving, and also difficult, it is to get up into here. My core feels like it’s being split open like a can of tuna fish. My posterior side is trying to crunch up and be compressed like an accordion. Both are so tight. But in opposite directions. Almost like saying that, it means that I should just move these parts of my body more? Maybe?
“Innovation rarely comes by revolution; it develops by continual and gradual evolution.”
—Rodney Mullen, 1988[1]
Great quote! I’ve been truly experiencing this even in my own body!
12/9 – STAIRS!
Wow! So, as I’m playing around with body activation as I lay, when I lay supine, with my eyes closed, relax my shoulders and neck, if I pull my shoulders back, keep my core engaged, pull my hips out and back, engage my quads, I feel my knees and hips extend, my lower legs and feet lite up! I feel my left hip melt into it, my hips kinda rock and pop a bit, gastroc’s lite up! Feet feel calmer! This is great! It’s my whole body activating together!
Now today will be a big day at PT too! Since the new device is coming! And I’m going to get to hopefully try stairs!? This is so exciting! I wonder what I can do to help prepare for this!?
It’s crazy feeling all the activation when I “look up”. My spine is so fused, it’s so hard to arch my back. But I can move my cervical spine, and the rest of my body wants to follow! So I’m trying to: arch my back, relax and drop my shoulders and neck, keep core tight, engage glutes & quads, extend knees. I guess I’m not entirely sure yet besides the gastroc’s what to engage in my lower leg? But let’s run with all this for now!!
Today was HUGE!!!!! I got up in the new Exo ,and I got to try stairs for the FIRST TIME!!!! This was incredible!
This was truly a humbling experience, because as soon as I made it up to the top of the flight I worked on, it seemed so high and a lil sketchy to go back down! Lots of practice will be needed for this new type of movement! What a day!
12/11 – Visceral Manipulation
Well, I definitely have been sleeping better these days. I missed my magnesium supplement before bed, but I did have my tea! Soo maybe it’s the tea before bed that’s really crucial? Callie and I were talking about that. I guess now we kinda know? I think my legs would probably have calmer if I did take the magnesium? We will try again tonite! 20-30min in the standing frame before bed REALLY helps tho. Even on Exo days.
It’s so interesting, I can feel how my left hip still doesn’t want to “let go” or submit to my quads and glutes. Like, it’s still trying to “protect” me from some unknown danger. It’s ridiculous. He’s gotta chill out!
My upper hips, into my glutes, quads, and core are really engaging! I know though, bedtime is the time to rest, though. I need them all to quiet down. Not sure what I can do with that information?
It’s always a balance through the day. Last night I had the chance to get a bit caught up on my notes and the journal / blog. I really needed that. It helps me so much. These days I’m so quick to forget, and I need those moments to help me remember where I’ve been, and where I’m going. I loved all the vivid imagery and analogies I’ll do sometimes when I sleep. I’ll have to keep them up! Like planting the seed or going to space!
I should get up! Another busy day again today! This is another appt filled week. I think 8 appts? Goodness let’s see how today goes with the pelvic floor / visceral manipulation!
Wow! I’m really glad with how that PT session at the new clinic for the visceral manipulation went today! I had to take a little bit of time to get her up to speed on all my body is working and functioning and what some of my goals are for these PT sessions We actually got to do the visceral manipulation evaluation! As soon as we got done with the session, I was already noticing how much more I was feeling, and I left Gluth and hamstring! I really hope this is gonna help with some things up and help my legs get an extension better! Let’s see how it goes doing some work on the colon!
Pilates went really well today! Trees put it really well when she said, “your body is not revolting, it’s waking up!“ It’s interesting too because I really gotta focus on pushing and extending out with my apps. Like she said, “Ramona always said, when you get to Pilates, you can throw your arms and legs out the window.“ It was pretty wild how I was able to use my internal obliques and keep my legs abducted! They weren’t holding that whole time while I was on the reformer, but they really were holding way better, than they usually do do!
We made our way from the reformer to the Cadillac, all the positions! Truthfully, my left leg and right is relaxing really well. I should say a lot better while supine!
“When you inhale, you take your abdomen in! That’s why it’s called IN-hale!” – Therese is telling me! Always fun quotes from a very in tune teacher! She really knows how this dang body moves!
12/12 – Consolidation Day
When I wake up, I really feel the consolidation of all the previous days work! Like today, I’m feeling how significant my left Lower abdomen is opening up from the VM work, and how that’s affected my entire lower body! It’s been very fascinating to learn and understand how the trunk/ torso is inextricably linked to our appendages. Also learning to move, and movement in general, without having a solid base in our torso, feels like trying to build a house on a shoddy foundation. The rest of the structure might “look” okay on the outside, but it doesn’t hold up under its own weight!
Slowly working my body is difficult. Slowing down and being patient is also difficult. Having to go back to “developmental” stages, isn’t really something I think we experience in our adult life. Maybe too, I should see how to make the most of this? What else can I rewire? What other thoughts need some help reshaping?
I know I’m doing “a lot”, but that’s okay. I do better this way. I said to Callie, let’s make 2026 our year. I think there’s a pretty good chance of that happening!
I need to pick up my KAFO’s today to try something out…..
Just one day at a time. That’s what we have. I can feel my body changing, and I’m so glad to have gotten the VM yesterday! I can feel things ramping up, and now with the Exo, I feel like I can make daily standing progress happen!
Legs feeling so much more! Also too the app I’m using is really helping! I got up in the standing frame for the evening (late 10-11pm) and it helps so much!
12/13 – Cognitive Distortions
Late night talks with your Significant other, really one of the best times. I’m really lucky to have Callie, and to be able to do this with her.
Dang! All these pelvic floor exercises and kegels I think are going to work! I just need to be consistent, aka 2x a day consistent!
Almost like, if you “tell” yourself you can’t send signals, it’s almost like you “can’t”, send signals? Hmm?
Man, all these cognitive dissonance ideas in my brain. There’s a lot of info I’m thinking about in an “All-or-Nothing” kinda way. It’s interesting. It’s hard. There’s so much to think about and do!
My abdomen, legs and core are fired up! I had a realization that the pelvic floor, if that’s not working right, isn’t containing everything inside the torso and trunk properly! If I don’t have that working, how can I expect to move my legs?! Therese has me doing some interesting things with the 100 that was waking these muscles up! I really think this is going to be key to me getting my lower body working more! Also less “all-or-nothing” thinking! You’ve been doing this, but that word really helps the rubber meet the road.
It’s gonna be a good Saturday. I’ve NEVER got up walking on a Saturday before! I’m really excited! This is gonna be cool to do before Christmas cookies! This will be great!
How do the muscles in your legs, and fascia in your legs, relate to the muscles in the pelvic floor?
Also, if you want your entire body to work, why aren’t you working on your whole body?
Well that was a fun way to end your first walk at home in the Exo… In the basement. In front of the elevator. Hmmmm
Let’s make some cookies for Christmas! It’s been a heckuva day already!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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