11/23 – Left Glue Waking Up!
I’ve been really focusing on squeezing my left glute (as well as my right) and get my left leg out into extension while I’m laying down. It’s so weird. The sensation in my abdomen is so odd, it’s this giant “stretch” and I haven’t been able to fully make sense of this sensation. I can feel my quad and glute contracting to help those joints out into extension, but why is this feeling in my abdomen? Is it that different contraction types feel differently to us? Hmm, never thought of it like this? Maybe this goes back to the 2-way stretch?
My left hip complex needs some work. Let’s be mindful of this today, because it was interesting how many “cracks” and creaks I was getting in my low back yesterday? This hasn’t happened to me since the accident, and I’m wondering if this means I’m regaining some mobility back? With that though, I need to make sure I am strengthening that area as well!
Morning seems to be my time for writing. I really like it. I can slowly wake up, gather my thoughts, consolidate ideas, and generate new ones for the day! I do think it helps me be more productive throughout the day. Also helps my mood and spirits as well. Something I will need to keep in mind.
So….. I noticed how much my low back is engaged what feels like 100% of the time!?! This is incredible!
Honestly, while hitting the heavy bag, I really really was focusing on my left glute! And also, while trying to keep him engaged, I wasn’t sliding or moving around so much during each round at the Heavy Bag! This was really cool to notice! Plus my low back is all fired up too!
11/24 – Death Dreams / Accidents
It’s funny, right now I’m at a “loss of words” but I’m actively trying to put words to this right now! So, my left hip definitely needs a break from sleeping on it, that’s forsure. My left hip complex has responded so extremely well to the active glute engagement all day! My leg is in so much extension right now as I wake! Also too, my knees, on the backside, calves, and surrounding tissue has sky rocketed in terms of proprioception! Shins and calves have gone up another number, as has my ankles, heels, beds of feet, and toes! Are my toes feeling cold when I try to wiggle them? What’s this about?
I was working really hard all day yesterday to just squeeze my left glute! And it was interesting because it had such an overflow effect on the rest of my left leg, as well as my lower body! It was pretty incredible! Let’s see how he does today!
So last night, on the drive to get groceries, we were listening to Death Dream, and I had a really interesting thought. I had this almost full and vivid visualization, that my left abdomen is tighter because my left lung is the full size lung, and he’s been working that much harder to oxygenate me, and that could be why I’m so much tighter on my left side? And also, my right abdomen is so much softer because of the under activation, as well as the reduced size of my right lung. While I was singing and belting out the lyrics, I could feel that asymmetry to them. I wonder, just wonder, if that’s a big contributor?
Callie mentioned, you know our lungs are one of the only tissues that does regenerate, I wonder how well your’s is regenerating (as in me Joe)? Because, I’m wondering if I can help balance him out, and level this area out? There’s been so much activation, and it’s always wild to me to feel all these changes. I’ve definitely been sleeping better, and this left glute is waking up!
It’s pretty astounding how much my legs are feeling engaged as I get up for the day. This is really a big jump and I can feel my legs filling out? Like every day they feel more and more real. I have to keep focusing on my left glue and keeping him engaged. I think that heavy bag has really been helping! It’s also really interesting how much I gotta focus, but also how much my low back is engaging. Like, I need to focus on squeezing my low back to help keep me upright, as opposed to pulling my hands forward, pulling my hands for a compensatory movement, and my lower back, I can feel helping keep me upright, but before he was an engaging this much. So now that I’m feeling all that activation, I need to be mindful of trying to use my core and back to keep me straight as opposed to pulling myself forward with my hands. Try doing something different like this for as long as I have, and you’ll see how tricky that really is trying to reteach your body, some forms of basic movement!
Also, I was describing this to Danica and Joni, about my back not having the same range of motion as it used to, and it is difficult that my back muscles are trying to relearn how to activate, because there’s not as much range for these muscles to contract through. But they sure are trying! So I need to make sure I don’t let these rods stop them from trying and doing.
Gosh. This sucks. I pissed my pants….. ugh. I’m pissed. Why’s my body gotta be doing this. I cut my PT session short because of this, and it just feels awful, to never have my body be doing the right things. ugh. welp. I guess I better go change and get this straightened out.
Why does this happen? Why do I always need an answer? It makes me so gosh darn sad. It’s unbelievable. Maybe I need to meet more folks. I don’t know. It’s so weird. I don’t like that I just got so much of my life “taken away” it sucks. It really does. Ugh. My mind just isn’t happy with how any of this goes. It’s crazy too, you can’t capture this in a video, this type of sadness. Everyone’s out here making their lives out to be so great. Well, shits hard. And I know a lot have it harder, but goodness, that doesn’t make it easier for them, or me in these moments. Ugh.
What am I saying? As I just take the past 20min to get myself off the floor. Move my wheelchair into position, scootch me forward, inch by inch, and then back inch by inch. My body really is a beast of burden, and I guess what I’m saying is that mentally and physically, I’m tired of it all. It’s so frustrating. Gonna call it a night.
11/25 – Imagination is a more important than knowledge
It’s frustrating when you get so sad on a day with PT and so much movement. Also when the sadness creeps in more and more. I was thinking about the crappy car analogy again, and my body got jump started, but there’s a ton of loose wires, connections, and shorts. Also missing some mechanical equipment too. …..
My left leg got so freaking sweaty last night. I have no idea what they were doing, freaking out and sweating so much. I’m just stressed. I don’t really understand it all the time. I could really feel the asymmetries in my lower abdomen and pelvis more recently, but still. I’m so thrown off and out of whack.
Holy crap. MY LEFT LEG IS WAKING UP! Like the entire outside of my left leg starting at my glute is having a TREMENDOUS increase in sensation starting from this last standing frame session! Also, my left leg isn’t super sweaty in the standing frame? Maybe because he already sweat it all out?
“Imagination is a more important than knowledge” – Albert Einstein
This quote. goodness. It really makes me think. Makes me think about myself, and how I am trying to make sure I continue to keep my creative and imaginative brain going. It’s been interesting listening to these leaders in Quantum / Particle Physics, talk about how the most important breakthroughs in history are all from some new, strange idea. I guess that’s what I am working on in my body, hopefully some of the fun new strange ideas will help kick my legs in gear even more!
“Genius is 1% inspiration
and 99% perspiration” – Thomas A Edison
Another quote that really resonates with me! Also from the Detroit / Metro area “Alum”. Thomas Edison really did put in so many hours to help advance science and technology. His lab at Menlo Park was truly one of the first ‘Think Tanks’ where scientists, engineers, builders, makers, you name it, had a chance to actually work and explore the limits for the understanding at the time. Make’s you think, doesn’t it? What human ingenuity can do!
11/26 – Busy Day / Exo Work
So I spent a ton of time on my belly while sleeping this morning!
Got up in the Exo but was having some wild acid reflux symptoms! Oof, I wonder what is happening there?
Got some rest after all this, not alot to touch on today, been a busy grind. Time for some rest.
11/27 – Thanksgiving
I can really feel my abdomen trying to help push my legs away from my body this morning! Our abdomen honestly does so much, and is responsible for so much! Digestion, breathing, other bodily functions, supporting our torso and our upper body, and then helping initiate and extend our legs! It’s a lot. I can feel all the changes happening.
PT was tricky yesterday because of all my GERD / Acid Reflux symptoms. The only reason I was stopping so much was to take a break, and to let my stomach and GI all simmer down! Which is so lame. I need to figure out what to do about this one, visceral manipulation, dry needling, or even some acid reflux medication? Let’s see what I can find.
I needed to take a break from notes today! It’s been heckuva day! We made it over to Callie’s folks, and had a great day for Thanksgiving! I definitely got stuffed with some awesome food! But my stomach these days isn’t the biggest fan of a bit of overeating. So! I hope I can sleep good tonite!
11/28 – Letter
Man oh man, was my belly full last night! Goodness! I did not want to do alot after eating all of that! Right now, my legs are really feeling a ton of activation, and I feel my left abdomen/ hip working on getting more into extension! I think I might try to see a GI specialist, just to be safe. Also I found a PT to do the visceral manipulation! So I’m excited for that as well!
I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t mad, I was in a pretty somber mood about that letter I received. I know it needs to happen, but boy do I wish I was back on my feet instead of having to go through all this.
11/29 – Visceral Manipulation / Hard Days
The viscera, the fascia, it all seems to be coming back and converging on these ideas for recovery? Because I’m curious, why so few people utilize these systems in our body for rehab and recovery work?
“The term “visceral” is contrasted with the term “parietal“, meaning “of or relating to the wall of a body part, organ or cavity“.[9] The two terms are often used in describing a membrane or piece of connective tissue, referring to the opposing sides.” [2]
So really, again like the fascia, it’s describing the connective tissue or membrane? Yet, even from Wikipedia, it gets only merely a sentence to try to describe it? Incredible how incomplete this entry is?
I can feel so many changes in my lower abdominal region from all the work I was doing on my pelvic floor yesterday! My body is responding in such tremendous ways! Honestly it’s wild. If I can free up my organs, free up my fascia, help relive this trauma my body is holding, I feel like some major changes are coming my way?
So I just watched a quick video of colonic stimulation, and tried to self massage similarly to what I watched in the video, and holy smokes does my body feel tight, sticky, and respond in wild ways when I try this?! I think there’s really something here! Goodness I hope they get back to me about setting up an appointment!
I wonder if I can structure my day where I incorporate parasympathetic activation closer to the evening? Like fill the first 2/3 – 3/4 of the day with activation, and then really try to hone in on the parasympathetic activation?
Also, I wonder what it would take to make a seated chair setup for XC-skiing?! Okay so these already exist! Yep, they call em “sit-ski’s!” Now time to get outside and see if I can make this happen!
Items for Daily Leg & Core Work
- micro-activations (as much as possible all day)
- Standing frame work + Spinal Stim!!
- Extended shoulder work (to help prevent body from tightening)
- Exo Work (working on advancing out of the clinic) + spinal stim!!
- Reformer / Spring work + spinal stim!!
- On Busy Days – IdealKnee
Callie showed me the texts that she sent to me when I was in the ICU and before I got my phone back. It was gut wrenching, to be honest. To have to relive that time in my life again sometimes. It’s hard. But, I just cant believe sometimes how she wasn’t giving up on me. She kept at it. She kept supporting me. Even in these dark days. She really is quite something! I honestly don’t know how to put it into words sometimes. She’s been so great to me. Her and I were reading them as I was in the standing frame, and we just hugged, and help each other for a while after that moment. I never want to have to experience that again, or put her through that again.
So what’s it worth? To be alive? I have these awful thoughts sometimes, when my body is tearing me up. Its hard. Its harder to have to fight off a body that’s not cooperating, and then a mind who doesn’t want to settle down either. Makes it tough. This has been a hard night, so I hope things will cheer up tomorrow morning. Can’t win ’em all.
The Astronaut on Earth 
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