10/19
What’s it feel like, I mean what does it REALLY feel like, to properly send and use inhibitory signals, to a muscle? It’s not just “shutting it off”, but is it more than that? Is it an opening up, an allowance, a giving in? How can I send the best and highest quality inhibitory signals to these parts in my body that are struggling so hard with this process?
I think it’s more like a deep release of guarding, an allowing of flow that the nervous system learns to trust again.
Here’s what I found, interesting info:
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1. At the Neural Level — “Letting the Noise Settle”
When inhibition is happening properly, your motor neurons stop firing unnecessary “defensive” activity.
Instead of muscle tone and spastic co-contraction, you get a quieting—a sense that your nervous system is no longer fighting itself.
I think it feels like:
• The noise in your body goes down a notch.
• Tension that used to feel “sticky” or “brittle” becomes malleable.
• Movements begin to flow rather than jerk.
It’s like the difference between trying to move through static electricity versus moving through warm water.
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2. At a Muscular Level — “Yield Before You Move”
Muscles that are receiving inhibition don’t go slack—they yield. Which is something I need to realize way more often.
That means they maintain tone, but tone that breathes.
This should feel like:
• A slow, melting expansion in the overactive area (often accompanied by warmth).
• A subtle rebound in the opposing muscle (the agonist), as if the body re-balances tension across a joint.
• You might even sense your breath dropping deeper and lower—diaphragm and pelvic floor syncing up.
When it’s right, your effort feels distributed, not localized.
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3. Experiential Level — “Surrender with Direction”
Inhibition often arises not from “commanding release” but from allowing safety.
The nervous system only stops gripping when it believes it no longer has to protect. My nervous system and sympathetic nervous system has been on red alert for way too long. It needs to calm down.
So, the feeling is often:
• A moment of trust: “I don’t have to hold this anymore.”
• The movement becomes smoother, quieter, almost like an exhale that spreads through the tissue.
• Time slows down for a second—you can sense the joint space open or the segment of your spine lengthen.
It’s not passive; it’s an active surrender—a giving in with intention.
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4. How I’m trying to Send Higher-Quality Inhibitory Signals
I really think you can train this. Think of it as teaching your nervous system some communication between excitation and release:
1. Breath = the carrier wave.
• Inhale to create expansion and readiness.
• Exhale slowly through the mouth or hum (“mmm” or “om”) to send the inhibitory wave down.
• Try lengthening the exhale so your system knows it’s safe.
2. Reciprocal activation.
• Contract the opposite muscle (e.g., activate glutes gently to let hip flexors release).
• This builds trust that movement is still supported even while the spastic muscle yields.
3. Imagery and tone.
• Visualize warmth or space entering the joint.
• Imagine the tight muscle “melting into” the floor or air around it.
4. Micro-oscillations.
• Tiny rhythmic pulses (1–2 mm of motion) around the area—like soft vibration—can tell the nervous system, “We’re safe here.”
• Over time, it replaces chronic rigidity with adaptive tone.
5. Emotional Permission. – “I need to allow”
• Inhibition often hides under layers of vigilance.
• Giving yourself internal permission—literally thinking “it’s okay to let this go now”—can send the vagus and limbic system the “safety” cue that unlocks motor release.
I guess I’m really fixated on fixing my body. Especially my autonomic nervous system. I don’t think it’s impossible.
Hmm, the Alexander Technique looks really interesting! Someone I think was tapping into their inhibitory system much more powerfully than most? Looks like something I’m going to investigate!
So as I’m doing my research, I see how important terms and ideas applied to words are to a comprehensive understanding of a topic. There are a lot of reservations a society has towards certain terms and ideas applied to words, and it’s fascinating to me to see how these effects pan out when exploring new ideas for individuals.
There’s reservation, because of a term used without fully exploring and understanding these ideas. It’s fascinating, because I wonder what is happening in our minds during this entire process? Just because some ideas are good, doesn’t automatically rule out the entire set of beliefs? Because that idea, ruling out something entirely, seems to be a recurring theme in our modern society? Instead of building off flawed theories, people reject or rebuke them entirely. instead of building incrementally from the past learnings, we seem to need to take a giant leap again in general to make any progress? Let’s just learn from our past, and others, hey?
I had a dream that involved my buddy Jake. It was interesting, because I remember realizing in this dream, the delicate balance between my recovery, and social interactions and engagements. I knew that the reason that I haven’t been seeing people as much is because I’ve been so focused. And so in this dream, I had the realization that I needed to make a change to try to better incorporate that back into my life. Weird how dreams work, and it’s also weird and fascinating to me what dreams I actually am able to remember. Like Jake came over to my “apartment” we will call it, that he had never been to before. I was showing him around and how he had never actually seen any of this, part of my life. So from there we are discussing a bike ride of some sort, and how Jake needed to leave, and I had that realization. About my recovery and my social engagements. Weird. How that worked?
It’s interesting putting all these ideas together, and taking time to think about them. I’m interested to know what will come of these?
So, I noticed some interesting things today. I was up in the standing frame for about an 2-1/2 hrs! My legs were really feeling good after that! When I went to the gym too, this evening, I was really noticing some interesting things when hitting the heavy bag! I was almost able to “hop” a little bit, by thrusting/ hiking my hip? Which was interesting?
I also noticed too, with each strike on my left side, I really needed to be careful to keep my glute squeezed, and to resist the motion from the bag. I was really trying to get my hips engaged more and more with each punch I landed. I really got quite the workout today! It was great!
There was something else too.. I’m blanking on what it was, when I was hitting that heavy bag. It’s honestly really great, I’m able to get my heart rate up, and this time, my legs were feeling fuller than ever! Especially down my right leg, and on my right side!
So, I was thinking about something, and it ties into the reciprocal inhibition, as well as reciprocal motion. I was thinking, “why wouldn’t I be practicing engaging my left quad, and my right hamstring at the same time? If I check the gait cycle, I’m pretty sure those have to be opposites, because in stance and swing, they’re firing at different times than one another, right?” So in the standing frame, I’m squeezing my left quad and glute, and then trying to squeeze my right hamstring. I can feel em firing, and then I alternate to putting my weight in my right leg, and doing the opposite! I feel like there’s gotta be something to this?
Okay, so I worked on that a bit, and also, before I got into bed, I tried a new bedtime routine. I figure, if I’m constantly on the hunt for more ways to help my body relax, I need to work on using that theragun more. So what did I do? I grabbed it, and did both of my legs! In figure 4, and I was able to get my hamstrings, calves, feet, and shins!
Spent time on my abdomen and hip flexors too! It’s interesting, I don’t think I’ve been this relaxed while laying supine like this before! My body is really calm! I can also feel in my left abdomen, it’s almost like he’s “sore”? Like he’s sore from all the work? Interesting too, is how relaxed my abdomen is as well! I think I’m on to something! Also too, I just sneezed and my whole body didn’t spasm! I can feel my left hip area and glute starting to feel interesting? I wonder why?
I guess that’s enough for notes for today, time to get some rest!
This is so interesting. I can feel my left hip/ hip flexor just building tension, as I’m laying down. I have to lay and breathe so still, to try to keep him calm. It’s so wild, because I know now that this area needs so much attention, but it is hard to achieve that all the time.
10/20
I cried today. Probably because I’m exhausted. And fed up. Probably because I had this moment of realization trying to lean over to my left in the bathroom, and reach over to the toilet handle, to flush the toilet, and it felt like my body was trying to jump out of the way. It was at this time, that in my head, I told myself, “I bet this is how you tried to jump/ lay down the bike, to get out of the way of the ambulance.” And I cried. I’m so tired of this. Tired of it all. Tired of having to stand here in the standing frame, with my body constantly trying to pull myself into a ball, when it can’t. I’m so fused, my entire torso, when these abdominal spasms happen, feel like they’re ripping me apart.
I’m trying not to fall apart, because it’s at these moments that feel so bleak. I stand here, half in the dark, and look at my reflection in the sliding glass patio door (door-wall). I’m just this black hooded figure, not really apart of the apartment reflection. I’m literally “standing” out. I…. Don’t know what to say right now. Probably need rest.
I had done a lot at PT today, with both Joni and Ashley. The way my body is re-learning how to actually be upright, and use my body again, is altogether fascinating and tough, all at the same time. It’s so weird. Needing as much water as I do and never really knowing exactly, how much I need. It’s so hard.
A really important person in my life, whom I met at therapy, had his accident today, 7 years ago. His story and accident is the most heartbreaking story I’ve ever even heard. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like real life. The day I went over to his place to pick up the standing frame he was getting rid of, with my two brothers, he told us.
I’ve never thought about my life or accident the same way ever since. It’s really, not fair. What happened to him, is absolutely heart breaking. But he has this light in him, that shines brighter than most any other person I’ve ever seen. He carries himself in a very honest and steadfast way.
We all can learn from that. Especially when things in our life are hard. I don’t think anyone has had it as hard as him. As soon as we think we have it hard, just remember there’s always someone else, someone out there, who’s got it way worse. And they’re fighting way harder, and doing way better than most. We need to be there for others, and help build them up. We’re only as good as the ones we surround ourselves with. We have to keep moving, and progressing, every day.
It’s hard. Yeah, it is hard. And the more we keep up with what we do, the less you are going to think about what you could have done differently, as long as you keep moving. So that’s what I’m trying to do. 1-2hrs in the standing frame after work, 2hrs of PT, 1-2hrs earlier in the standing frame? Sure. We need to keep moving. That’s all we have.
10/21
Well, I guess I’m up. My body woke me up about 40 minutes before my alarm. I guess that’s what I’m gonna do is just get up. It seems to me also that I am most creative first thing in the morning. Right when I wake up . It’s pretty interesting. What’s also fascinating, is how all this writing has really allowed me to learn so much about myself. Because what happens is I reread my notes, edit my notes, and get it ready for publication. You know, it’s maybe 2-4 weeks after when I wrote them, cause I’m so backlogged. Backlogged with so much. I just really recommend writing. If you learn anything about yourself or what you’re doing it really helps process it all the good and bad stuff in your life.
It’s really interesting too, when I woke up, my left hip is definitely extended a bit more than I thought it was? Which is cool. I don’t know if I feel tired, or if I’m just waking up? it was pretty cool out yesterday, doing all those exercises in standing & in the Rewalk! Being in the Exo-skeleton has been really awesome, because I am able to do movements that I usually am not able to do just on the floor. I was really tired when I first started walking with Joni for the first time, that was interesting too, because it’s kind of learning curve for both her and I.
If you tense up the wrong body part while doing a moment, it makes it really hard to activate the right body parts, I think? For example, when I’m leaning over to get into the shower chair, if my neck tenses up, it makes it more difficult to think about engaging my core and legs.
So what was really interesting, just moments ago, was the feeling I just got in my right leg, and right foot! Seriously while driving the car, my feet and legs are up to some pretty incredible movements and reactions. I know my legs are really trying to work and get the job done, but boy is it hard for them sometimes to do things.
Supergravity – Superparticles. Huh, didn’t know these existed? What are some of those questions, that only children would ask? Always asking “why”? Wanting to know more. What’s interesting too, is I just got done purchasing a book for my nephews, called “The Way Things Work.” Which was a great recommendation from Evan. I’m pretty excited to get this for them, because I think that there’s a lot to learn from this!
It is sometimes hard, to maintain a “positive” demeanor when just exhausted. but you don’t have to think of it that way. Just keep doing things, and you will find out, how you really feel.
10/22
Ummm I….. had a giant accident…. I’ve never had one like this before….. what a way to wake up, oh how joyous…. I guess does that mean things are waking up down there? Or what? Or maybe it just meant I had a super full bladder… ugh. Why doesn’t my body talk to my brain the right way?…
I think it’s cuz of the timing of water I drank, late in the evening (8-9pm) and the fact I went to the gym late, but I slept thru the night, but I peed the bed for the first time. It was a lot. Was it just from the hydration? Or are parts of my urinary tract waking up? Why is it, that when my bladder is full, I don’t really get the urge to pee, but when it’s less full, I do?
I guess it’s just been a wild day today. My body has really been feeling so interesting, having to sit in this extreme discomfort all day. I said to Joni, “it’s like sitting in a hot tub of electricity, and they ask, “is that enough?” And you go, “yeah please stop!” But they keep turning it up the intensity anyways.” It’s just a hot awful mess of dampness, a soggy-electric flood wave of awfulness.
Man oh man, my level of exhaustion at like 5 o’clock in the “evening” (or is it afternoon?) Is wild. To think that not even 100yrs ago, heck, even 50yrs ago, it’s hard to say if I’d even be alive because of some sort of infection, bed sore, or lack of movement. It’s just nuts. I also don’t know what it means. Because at around this time, I usually too, get fairly existential. Nothing means anything, and everything also seems that much more significant when I look into any particular matter.
Like right now, my legs. As well as today at PT. my right leg, moving more controlled, more fluid, constant fullness. Right now as I lay supine on my back, my right hip and right knee are fairly well extended! Then, you have my left leg. Left hip. Honestly he’s just never relaxed. I was saying to Joni, I think it’s because of the movement I must have been doing right before the accident. I bet I was rolling/ flexing my left hip to try to get myself down and away from the ambulance. And he’s never calmed down since. I try and I try every single day to get my hip to calm down. It’s incessant. It’s like I’m missing something? Some key to this puzzle? If it’s able to sometimes relax, why I can’t I get it to always? With each breath on an inhale, I feel how much I am communicating with my muscles. Shoot, today at PT! Joni was having me do some overhead arm movements, that were really helping my hips and legs get into extension! My left leg in quadruped was even more stable than my right! It was wild!
My abdomen and entire trunk literally feels like he had to re-learn every type of movement and contraction with these metal rods. Because my spine doesn’t flex like it used to, it makes for a very interesting time, helping re-educate my muscles.
10/23
You know, it’s interesting to think that some of the best motivation that we have is our former self. When I’ve been reading back through my blog posts, and I realize that at times or moments of intense trouble or deep, intense pain. It’s interesting how our former self is the one who really is able to help get us through some of those moments.
had a pretty rough day yesterday, and my body felt like junk. It’s interesting too because this morning when I woke up my legs were so sweaty and my legs were also more and more extended! Was it this or is this the neurological threshold to get my left leg left to wake up? That sleepy love glute? My legs are really engaged as is my abdomen, and my arms and shoulders feel “different”. There’s a lot going on and there’s a lot of changing. I wonder what today will bring?
Externalization of our mind. What are the best ways for us to do that? Thinking about that right now; thinking about how I’m writing and I think that’s probably a very good externalization of our mind, but I feel like there’s probably more than that? When I think about things that are good for externalizing our mind I think about: writing, reading, exercise, movement, music? I guess any anything we create? Generally creative outlets?
Ha, is that it? Is that the comparison that I’ve been looking for all along? Is that what I have to help figure out? Because as I’m listening to hyperspace and chapter 7 about the superstrings, what I realized is that seems to be what I’m trying to do with my body. Like the subatomic particles and how they’re actually just vibrating strings. if you could magnify them close enough, and see how there’s almost an infinite amount of subatomic particles. Just like there are almost an infinite amount of notes on a violin, is also what’s going on in our body. Our body has an infinite amount of vibrations that all may be vibrating? We have an infinite amount of “harmonies” that need to be coincided so that our body works properly. This is really interesting, because I’m now wondering how many different frequencies are related to our body, and nervous system? This is why this is exactly why I noticed that when I’m humming or making different sounds how I feel differently in my diaphragm, my abdomen, my legs and lower legs! It’s really interesting. I noticed that yesterday, especially you know I’m thinking about modes of vibration, and I’m thinking about how me moving my upper body in different ways also affects how my lower body feels? So it makes me think and wonder about how else I can expand on this idea? Sounds like I need to learn more about strings. This is really interesting because I don’t think I fully understood or fully made all of these connections before, especially the ideas about vibration. That has been one that I’ve learned so intimately about. It’s been a huge portion of my job and it’s been a part of my job that I really like and enjoy. Well I guess there’s more learning do!
Oh my goodness, that’s another idea! Natural frequencies are a combination of the square root of stiffness and mass so, so if you are doing exercises with spring, you end up exciting different frequencies. That’s fundamentally a very different process in end of itself than just using weight. That’s really interesting.
I’m, needing to spend what feels like 24/7 having to “take care” of this body because my autonomic nervous system doesn’t work. It’s awful. My breathing, my GI, shoot you name it. And then I can’t seem to make it past 8:30pm because I’m so completely exhausted. I need to spend my evenings on my belly. Laying prone. I don’t get to be stretched out enough during the day. I’m feeling more delusional and removed than ever. It’s really awful to have to feel this way so often.
Commonplaces – essays – attempts? All fun ways people document their findings and learnings! I wonder what my notes would be classified as?
12/24
Okay okay, my hips and hamstrings seem to be relaxing a bit, and also my glutes are firing up more and more! I really want to explore different natural frequencies of our muscles, individual muscle bodies, and muscle groups! Are these the same signals that are being sent with spinal stim? Also too, how to recreate these same frequencies with spring setups for home use or at Pilates? Based or tuned based on my weight or weight of muscle body? First I need to know what frequencies for the muscles in my legs I am targeting! [1]
12/25
I’m glad to have gotten to the gym today. I really needed this session. It’s been such a long week. I don’t have much to add today. Just a long one where I’ve been tired and feel a bit beaten down. Let’s keep it up. Waking up your body isn’t always pretty.
Works Cited
- James M. Wakeling, Benno M. Nigg, and Antra I. Rozitis. “Muscle Activity Damps the Soft Tissue Resonance That Occurs in Response to Pulsed and Continuous Vibrations.” Journal of Applied Physiology, 2002, journals.physiology.org/doi/full/10.1152/japplphysiol.00142.2002.
The Astronaut on Earth 
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