7/27
So, it’s pretty amazing what yesterday must have done to my body, because today as I’m waking up, the sensation, activation, and general presence of my abs, hips, glutes, legs, knees, and feet are off the charts! All this compression gear I just recently added to the arsenal really has been helping my body make leaps and bounds in terms of activation, proprioception, and honestly I’m feeling how the spasms in my hips too, are slowing, I was noticing when I was laying on my right side, my left and right hip are working together, and they’re helping make steps in bed! Which is incredible! It’s gotta start somewhere! I can feel with each breath my body filling in! It’s pretty incredible! These quads are getting in extension so much better, and they are online now almost all day and when I need them!
So I’ve noticed how much more I’m hinging at my hips these days while I’m moving around in the chair!
Ugh. My pants. I’m not even going to get started.
Are you kidding me right now?? Was that my left forefoot pressing into my shoe to lift my heel up? Therese said I need to start trying to push through my feet while I’m in the standing frame, so did I just see some of the work I’ve put in the past couple days of trying that pay off? Sure feels that way!
To build off leaning forward and back more and more, and this sudden increase in activation in my feet, I feel feet planted, unsupported knee sit to stands would be in order? I think? We will workshop this one!
7/28
So what’s interesting, is this past night, I changed up my mental rehearsal game a little bit. I started to really envision myself jumping and landing as I moved across the top of a building, just like a Parkour athlete! They are able to use their bodies in such remarkable ways, I thought, “why not envision that?” So, what’s also interesting with this update, is how my knees, and lower quads are feeling too with all this! I really have been needing to level up my knee extension work, and I’m curious, is this it?
Neuropeptides, is this the next big thing for me? Is this what I needed to click to make it all come together more? The connection with the emotions as well?
Here was a fun one to run through the Ai for a response! Here it goes:
This is such an important and honest question — and you deserve a direct, grounded answer:
⸻
😔 What Happens When You Feel Sad, Angry, or Upset in the WheelChair?
🔁 Your Nervous System Still Listens — But It Gets a Different Message:
1. Emotion
2. Primary Neuropeptides & Hormones
3. Effect on Body & Brain
Sadness / Defeat
↓ Oxytocin, ↑ Cortisol
Lowers immune response, reduces motivation, weakens muscle recruitment
Anger (without outlet)
↑ Adrenaline, ↑ Substance P, ↑ CRH
Triggers stress cascade, increases tension, locks posture, narrows perception
Shame / Hopelessness
↓ Dopamine, ↓ Serotonin, ↑ Cytokines
Decreases movement initiation, increases inflammation, dulls sensation
⸻
🧠 Here’s What It Does:
• Cortisol (stress hormone) starts breaking down tissue, especially muscle and bone.
• Substance P, in excess, increases pain sensitivity and neural irritability.
• Emotional distress reduces prefrontal cortex function, the area responsible for planning, willpower, and motor control.
• Low oxytocin and dopamine mean your system doesn’t “see a reason” to invest resources into healing or growth.
It’s like your body hears:
“This environment is unsafe, uncertain, not worth building for.”
So it shuts down growth. And sometimes, it just tries to endure.
⸻
💡 But Here’s the Pivot Point:
These emotions aren’t wrong.
They’re data. Signals. Invitations.
They tell you:
“Something in me needs to be seen, felt, moved, and transformed.”
⸻
🔥 The Real Danger Isn’t Feeling the Emotion…
It’s believing it defines you.
• If sadness says, “I’ll never get out of this chair,” and you believe it?
→ The body starts organizing around defeat.
• If you feel anger and use it to drive your training, your breath, your mission?
→ It becomes transformation fuel.
⸻
🧠 Remember: Emotions = Signals. Not Identity.
Let yourself feel them — but then reclaim the message:
Emotion Felt
Transmuted Into…
Sadness
Grief → Devotion. “I love this body so much, I’m staying in the fight.”
Anger
Fire → Drive. “I will turn this fury into forward motion.”
Shame
Contrast → Clarity. “I see who I don’t want to be — and I choose differently now.”
⸻
❤️ You Have This Power Even in the Chair
Sitting in your wheelchair doesn’t make you powerless.
Believing the chair invalidates your power — that’s the lie.
The truth is:
• You can clench your glutes and fire your legs while crying.
• You can breathe into your chest and lift your posture while pissed off.
• You can love yourself in pain and still create the neurochemical environment for healing.
⸻
So yeah — feeling sad or upset can shut the system down if you let it own you.
But if you listen, move through it, and reclaim the loop?
You turn the darkest days into the most potent rewiring fuel.
⸻
Huh, so getting angry at this chair doesn’t help. That was an interesting explanation for what I’ve heard people talk about, but without all the science behind it, in a neuroscience way. It’s interesting how sometimes I need to read what it fundamentally is doing inside our bodies for the idea to click. I guess I’m weird like that? Either way, trying not to get so upset is definitely a real thing I need to do, albeit very difficult at times. Let’s run it and see how it goes!
I really need to focus on being centered in this chair, I really need a new seat cushion!
Wow! 2hrs in the standing frame!! And I used my compression vest too, my abdomen and entire lower body is really waking up!! My lower legs, calves, feet, and everything is waking up!
Therapy went well today!
Standing frame for an hour today after dinner!
So what’s wild, is I’m laying on my back, slightly on my right side and my left hip flexor hasn’t spasmed at all???!?!? THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!
7/29
I gotta fix this left glute! He’s gotta start firing more throughout the day! I’m going to start by first readjusting my seating position, because I am pretty sure it’s off.
I wonder what role pressing and stabilization of additional or of your other leg does for activation in your other leg? Seems like there is something to this?
Trying to get your body to relax when you haven’t been able to move around much for the day is really tough. The problem is I am reversing through my physical therapy. But to traverse through space in this chair is not great because I’m also not actually moving anywhere because I’m seated in this chair. It’s very very hard and my butt gets very sore. I sure do have a lot of thoughts when I’m in the car driving home. It’s interesting too how we end up taking on roles for other people in our lives. it’s very interesting to have to think about. Because I don’t always really understand what role we’re always going to play, and the people that are going to be in our lives. Sometimes I don’t know if we always get to choose? Sometimes folks become reliant on us in a way that is pretty special, when you think about it, because you may have had such a significant impact on somebody’s life. It turns out that you might actually play a larger role in their life and you might actually have to think about that to realize that we’re not here by ourselves on our own. When we realize that we aren’t just living for ourselves, It really helps when things are sometimes hard to get through or to move on from. It’s really weird. I don’t know if this is even something that we are supposed to do? Everything about it almost appears to be just a function of being alive. Sure, yeah you could get mad or frustrated about this, but if it does help, or at least it’s helping someone else when you realize you’re not alone? An interesting drive thought, something to think about?
I definitely do not like always having to be in this chair for so long. I get my feet off the foot plate, but I’m not always able to sit there and try to kick my legs around as I’m thinking about this. It does make me think about the fact that if I had a chair that had foldable foot plate, even if I was seated with my feet directly under me, I would still have an opportunity for my feet to kick back and forth?
We are not our emotions was an interesting idea in Physics & Psychology that I was reading about yesterday . It’s interesting because we get to choose and decide sometimes. We don’t always feel like we can, at least I know that’s how I feel, but I think that is something that we can do? Make a conscious choice to act on our emotions? holy smokes! my right foot is pushing down the brake pedal.!?!
I know how hard it is to fit everything I want to do in one day. I guess just start with the basics? And go from there? Nothing in excess, right?
Made it in the floor at like 9 o’clock pm!!! What’s really cool is all this compression vest work, is making my left abdomen not as reactive?!
7/30
I really like being able to wake up and feel all the new activation and sensations in my legs! It’s so wild how it sometimes feels as though it slithers to the new locations throughout my legs?! My feet are feeling so much more full, my shins, my quads, my inner thighs, my knees, upper and lower quads, my hips, my deep low back and glutes! It’s all filling in! And then my abdomen, he’s not stressing out and spasming like he used to since I’ve been trying to be consistent with this compression vest I’m wearing! This is so intense!
7/31
I may be experiencing some ‘sensory overload’ this morning?!?! My abs, core, hip flexors, glutes, quads, knees, calves, feet, are all feeling so much more than they usually do! I need to do some research on this term, ‘sensory overload’ because I think this is what I’m feeling and experiencing in realtime, especially during exercising, when my head feels light or overwhelmed?? But for me, I see this not as a bad sign or symptom, but just a fact about how my body is processing new signals!
It’s like right above my ears on the middle section of my brain? Not the front or back? Middle to top section? Sometimes this happens during Pilates when I’m on the reformer?? What is this, ‘critical overload?’ Huh, very interesting because something is going on! Hopefully that is what I’m experiencing, my brain having areas be re-awoken that having been used in a while?!
(Sigh) I don’t really think many people understand this feeling, or these sets of feelings and thoughts that I’m having right now. it’s less than ideal to have to experience moments like this. I feel like I can see in my past self, and my future self, and see how these times go. It really doesn’t make it easier, it feels. Callie asks me, “what do you need?” In a worried way, as I’m all upset here after eating dinner. I tell her, “to stand up, walk to the bathroom, the couch, the bedroom, anywhere, literally anywhere. Besides this chair. I just want to get up.” It was really nice hearing Therese say to me, “it’s really nice seeing you on other pieces of equipment outside of your chair.” And for me, it feels great not just sitting or moving in this chair all the time. This slow wear on me is unnerving. I’ve really been good at somehow putting myself in this place or situation where there is so much I am simultaneously trying to do, and needing to do.
(Sigh) I guess I need to try to keep myself moving. I haven’t really liked how these past couple days I haven’t been moving as much. Definitely affects my mood.
8/1
Comment to Therese! “My legs, lower abdomen, and hips are really connecting to the ground and pushing my legs away from my body!!!! This has been insane!!! Okay so my legs and Lower abs are really connecting today!!! I just leaned back for a moment, my legs picked up and kicked forward, and I brought my feet down safely and landed it!! It was insane!” This is how I feel the day after Pilates usually, a large surge in activation, it’s very interesting what those springs do!
I’m pretty sure this has got to be one of the most significant increases in activation I have felt in quite some time! My low abs are seriously pushing down, to help stabilize my core when my legs are trying to push out! I can feel such a strong pull from down there! This is exactly what Therese was talking about!
I feel like I’ve even had a dream where I was doing some sit to stands in a modified way with some of the gymnast rings straps or something? I’m going to have to mess around today and see! I’m curious now, all the work I did yesterday? Seriously, all this work on the reformer is DEFINITELY helping me connect to my lower abdomen! I was able to pull myself back and forth, and I was holding myself upright so well! This was incredible!
So being up and in the standing frame, I’m trying to make sure I’m not putting my hands down at all to support me! It’s really hard but I’m feeling my entire posterior chain firing up!!
3/2
It’s 3:42am, got up to go bathroom, and my entire back is online??? This is INCREDIBLE!!
Callie and I had the most interesting conversation last night!!
I hate how these silly social media apps are really freaking good at making me feel more awful than ever. Truly. I need to stay away. It’s so weird. It’s things I like but I can’t do right now, so all it does is end up making me sad. It’s hard right now to see that.
I do know that I have some pretty great and amazing folks in my life, and the one most special of all, is Callie. Someone who’s never given up on me, who’s been with me through it all, and looks at me the same way, as the day I met up with her to take her for her first bike ride in years! She really has been my anchor (or lighthouse?) through it all, helping keep me above water in the storm, to keep on moving forward.
Everyone’s just making their own way through life, the only way they can make sense of it. Thats how I feel sometimes about myself, and what had happened to me. We never know what others are always going through, so sometimes just giving people the patience really can make a significant difference in their day.
So I tired to do something different on the floor today! I had Callie support my feet, and I got myself in a deep squat. Under the pull up bar! I don’t know when I’ve got myself into this position?!
Neurological thresholds, I think I may be experiencing one, my body is very all out of sorts, and I don’t know why! I’ve been wondering what the wording for this is, sensory overload, critical thresholds, neurological thresholds, Threshold potential, and it all is pointing to one thing. That my body is changing. That I need to be patient. This idea in neuroscience is quite interesting, as it applies to any stimuli in our brain and body. “The threshold value controls whether or not the incoming stimuli are sufficient to generate an action potential. It relies on a balance of incoming inhibitory and excitatory stimuli.” [1] This makes sense for me, because I am constantly working on balancing how to get my muscles to simultaneously contract and relax at the same time! It’s interesting, trying to understand these mechanisms. I am literally feeling my body and mind working to make and form new connections! Pretty exciting things! More to learn next week, time to put this down for now, need to get some rest, have a busy week ahead!
Works Cited
- “Threshold Potential.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 16 July 2025, en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Threshold_potential.
- Stuart, G; Spruston, N; Sakmann, B; Häusser, M (1997). “Action potential initiation and backpropagation in neurons of the mammalian CNS” (PDF). Trends in Neurosciences. 20 (3): 125–131. doi:10.1016/S0166-2236(96)10075-8. PMID 9061867. S2CID 889625.
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