7/13
My legs are really extending out while I’m laying in supine more and more while I’m waking up in bed!
So much to think about when I get down on the floor. Which exercises to do, what to try, what did the PTs tell me to try? What did Therese tell me to try? I always seem to forget. I’m just trying to move around and move my body. There it is! ‘Pull to partial stands’ are really getting my quads and glutes to kick in! I really need to go taller and taller!
Evan had asked me if I had tried to do a sit to stand at the gym from the Pull Up Machine? I go, “you know, I’ve never thought of trying that!?” Slowly but surely, these legs are trying to get the picture! It’s so hard to be consistent when you have so many other activities and responsibilities to have to take part in! Phew! Okay! So this strap around my thighs is really helping my legs stay adducted when I’m working on getting my legs into extension! Instead of the flopping out, they’re staying close together and I don’t have to readjust them!
“In our times we see in many experiments how elementary particles can be created from kinetic energy, and how such particles are annihilated to form radiation; therefore, the transmutation from energy into mass and vice versa suggests nothing unusual.” [Heisenberg, Physics]
So I have a crazy thought, then does this mean that springs, which hold significant kinetic energy, are creating elementary particles? And is this then relevant inside our brain and human system to allow for springs to help repair portions of our body by the spring being used in place to help with this creation? Seems to me a pretty wacky idea, but I guess I like to explore these concepts, because sometimes, how do we know if something works without thinking it through first?
7/14
Whoa! This is intense! My legs are actually like, kinda straight after waking up in bed??? And my organs and guts feel like they’ve been rearranged, my hip crease is feeling so much, my underbutt too?!? It’s almost like my hips are getting the message and coming back online!! My thighs are feeling a level up in terms of fullness, my knees, calves, and ankles too! This is wild! What’s interesting to me too, is how I was on the floor for 2hrs yesterday! My lung scar on my back is flaring up with some intense bouts of stinging/ tingling too? There’s so much going on right now! It really does feel like I’m rearranging my body and mind back to the state of being upright. I’ve had so much gas/ indigestion these past couple days or weeks, it’s not even funny! But I know that this is all meaning change. There is a lot going on in our pelvic area, hips, lower organs, and hip joints. I know that this all needs to come back online, and just like for everywhere else, this process isn’t necessarily pleasant.. but slowly but surely I’m taking fuller breaths, my legs are filling in, and my legs are getting straighter!! On top of this all too, my left leg is getting so much less sweaty! So interesting! My legs too are working to kick themselves out of bed on their own as well! So much going on and to report on! This is going to be a good week!!
I’m trying to get more and more repetitive motion into my legs, especially with the leg stretcher, because I’m able to get high quantity, and lower range of motion stretch/ movements throughout the day. My right hamstring is TIGHT. Right now, it’s wild.
The new OT Danika has been having me do some good movements recently! I’m really liking all the stabilizing work, as well as independent leg motion while in quadruped! These are going so well! I wasn’t sure at first how I was going to do pushing and pulling my individual leg back and forth, in the crawling position, but he’s really going! Left side started out weaker, but I was able to get into a rhythm and get my legs moving better!
This morning I was really able to lean myself forward and back to grab my bathroom box, as well as some items off the floor with no hands! It’s been incredible! I was also doing that this weekend, leaning all the way back into the chair, and leaning forward! And pulling myself back up with no hands! Slowly but surely these reps are taking hold and taking shape! My body wouldn’t be moving this way if my hips, low abs, and low back weren’t kicking in!
I’m trying to get my body right now to take this time and relax a bit. It’s interesting how it’s 6:00pm, and my legs are already ready to go after PT, which got out at 3? So that would mean I only need maybe 3hrs of rest in between activity? That’s cool! I guess now it’s trying to figure out how to do more functional leg movements while I have to still be in this chair? I posed this question to Danica, because she noticed too how strong my kickbacks are in quadruped! Today went really well on the floor, and I’m trying to think how I can continue to progrsss this so I can get up to stand? Speaking of which, my legs this morning! So extended! I’m not even sure exactly what spurred that from days prior, but they really are getting into extension more and more!
Wow! After waking up from my evening nap, I go to get out of the bed, and my left leg actually goes over top of my right, and kicks out of the bed!!?! This was amazing!? What was this?? Slowly but surely all this work is paying off!!
It’s interesting how tired I can get. There’s only so much I can do in a day, and I try to fill it with as much as possible, it would appear. Time for a good nights rest. I need it.
7/15
What’s interesting, is how I’ve been trying to do knee to chest, and leg extended, while laying in the bed this past night!
I had a really nice talk with Ed at work today! He’s a very interesting gentleman, with loads of experience in metallurgy, as well as life in general! We got talking about all sorts of things, one in particular was quantum entanglement, physics, and the book the ‘Tao of Physics’ by Fritjof Capra! It’s been so interesting, reading the books that I’m reading, talking to the people that I have, and somehow all these ideas are coming together? Ed had also mentioned the comment from Einstein, “God was not messy, or something along these lines” he goes on to say, and I had to look up the quote later, because this was a truly fascinating topic. The quotes I could find about this idea are this: “God is subtle, but He is not malicious.” And , “God does not play dice with the universe” which, both are truly interesting to think about! I think it’s truly fascinating to think about how science and God do actually go hand in hand. It’s really fascinating to see that Heisenberg and Einstein both had religious views, albeit slightly different from traditional views. But they still believed in something greater than all of us.
So to then tie in the link with Quantum Entanglement, “One of the most far-out phenomena of quantum theory is quantum entanglement, the idea that particles of the same origin, which were once connected, always stay connected. Even if they separate and move far apart in time and space, they continue to share something beyond a mere bond — they shed their original quantum states and take on a new, united quantum state which they maintain forever. This means if something happens to one particle, it affects all the others with which it’s entangled.” [1] This idea is so interesting. To think we are all possibly connected to more than ourselves really makes me hopeful for what we all are. There’s more to this life than our simple wants or needs. We are connected, even if we don’t understand why. It’s a fun idea to think about, and keep in mind as we traverse this world, to keep in the back of our minds to know, we are not alone.
It’s fascinating information, theories on particles and sub-atomic particles, and life in general, really. I’ve been having fun finding parallels with my rehab, and these concepts. Turns out I can’t stop reading about all this! There’s so much to learn!
The isolated leg movement yesterday and tonite is really helping! I need to keep this up!
I’m tired, very tired. Got legs stretched after being on floor. I’m pooped.
7/16
It’s honestly always so shocking to wake up, keep my eyes closed, and feel all the new areas waking up with activation, sensation, pain, and resurgence. It’s interesting because my legs really are taking on a whole new form! I’m feeling a ton of activation in my low back and glutes, shins, knees, and I’m really feeling sensations and activation waking up in my lower legs as well! My feet are constantly in flux, and I know that these busy days, and days I get on the floor at 8:30pm, really help reiterate to my body that it’s for movement. It’s for usage. Not just for sitting. Every day, just a little bit more!
What’s interesting is how significant the sensation and activation is on the outside of my right leg . It’s kind of interesting. I can feel it maybe ever slightly more from my left. It’s just how much more prevalent.
I’m just having a hard time, so many things throughout the day remind me of where I am, and what I’m in. For some reason when I was pulling out of the driveway at the hospital, I was thinking about backing up a truck, to a trailer, where the ball hitch needs to be connected to the trailer.I was transported back to the days of moving and hauling snowmobiles. I thought of the countless times I helped dad back up his truck to the snowmobile trailer, me standing there, and waving my hands to him, backing him up slowly and slowly. The image of the ball hitch from standing height, the trailer, the backside of the pickup, the grass beneath my feet. It was such an odd memory to have popped into my head. I’m not even sure what the relevance is. I do see myself standing in this memory, so maybe that has something to do with it?
As I get driving down the road, I see a group of middle school aged kids, running on the sidewalk, in small groups, and as I turned the corner, I continued on the road, and saw the coach in the mix with them. An older gentleman, greying in the beard, and maintaining pace with the rest of the kids. Seeing their strides, as they were running, the reciprocal motion of their limbs, made me tear up. It was interesting too, because they weren’t rolling tears, but a moment where my eyes completely watered, and I sat here, contemplating while I drive on the road, getting ready to turn on the on-ramp. The thoughts that race through my head during these moments, “you’re not going to do that” “you need to keep working” “this is so hard” “how much fun are they having out there?” “Remember being a kid and having summer break to run around and play?” “What are you doing?” “Why am I doing all this?” “I have so much to do.” I don’t know what to do with them all.
I don’t know why I have to think about all these situations, scenarios, or what-have-you’s. It’s not easy when this happens to have to just go back to every day hustle and bustle. It makes me think about what it’s all for. I guess that’s why I’m here, because as I slowly put the pen to paper, my thoughts slow down. I collect myself. I see that I’m doing what I can, and I’m working hard. It’s just so very hard to have to deal with these moments and situations every single day. I take a deep breath. I feel my body. He is getting stronger. It’s just so slow. I guess that’s why I work hard every day, because there’s no time to waste!
(Sigh) Well, it’s time to get back to it all. I think it’s interesting how this happens, and how I continue to persevere. I’m like, hacking into my body and brain, one movement, one sentence at a time. I’ll keep working, even if it’s wrong. There’s too many people who want me to succeed, I guess I need to continue searching for that within myself. It’s always hard in these moments. Yeah? Maybe? Words and movement? Is this a “thing?” How is it, that our words help shape our brain processes to help with movements?
Therapy today went great! Spent some time o.n the floor and had a great session! Treadmill went really well today as well! I’m really initiating these movements! I was also doing the best mini-squats to date while in The harness!! We really have things moving forward for the Exoskeleton, and I’m excited to continue this progress!
Home for an hour, then concert! I got Callie some concert tickets way back and I can’t believe it’s already here! This is about to be fun!
It’s always interesting feeling how my body changes after all my workouts! Today was a busy day, I’m always surprised when the day ends and I look back at all I somehow fit in? So odd, the list of things to do never ends!
7/17
So my body right now has to be in some of the most extreme fatigue I have ever seen. It reminds me of how infants yell and scream and shout when they are tired. I can see now how it has to do with the fact that their body is going through so many changes, they had a long day and are tired, and their body needs some rest. It’s how I feel, after all these long days, too much time in the wheelchair, and so much movement too. Today at Pilates was a real workout for me! My legs were really getting fatigued!
Having days where I have so much running around is difficult sometimes, but these legs are getting stronger, and they are showing up for me, more and more!
Time for some rest. I’m about to pass out.
7/18
This is pretty incredible. How much my legs respond to a day of Pilates, movement, and being stretched out! I really need to keep up and be consistent stretching these guys! It’s so great to get days where they can be my legs primary focus, to not have to be in the chair, and my legs being more and more useful. It’s always hard to have to try to just live life, and see where I can fit in time to help my legs, as opposed to days where they can be my primary area of focus.
I seriously was beat, yesterday. There’s something special/ something interesting with how Pilates works, how it engages my body, and how it’s all self driven movement. There are very few exercises or movement patterns that Therese needs or has to help assist me with. Doing a glute bridge I think is one of the only ones currently. She had even said to me how much less she has to help me with this movement! Which, quite frankly, feels pretty good to know that I’m headed in a direction where I can do a glute bridge by myself! Especially with all this metal in my back! I know it’s going to be possible!
7/19
This was the longest day ever!
I’m pretty glad to have gotten up at 3:30am to get on the boat with the brothers! And then, had a heck of a day with the guys before having a little party! I didn’t even get to have any rest until 2:00am? How was this possible?! Had an absolute wild time on Lake Michigan with the brothers and Matt! We had a lot of fun getting our hands on the rod and reel to catch some of those big fish out there! The city and lake felt and looked so huge when we were out there, it was truly incredible. Quite the different perspective, than from Bradford Beach!
I seemed to handle being on the boat pretty okay in the wheelchair. I had to get picked up by my 3 brothers, Justin, and Matt to get on the boat. It’s simultaneously one of the weirdest, most humbling, and kind moments where I can’t really do anything but trust that the guys got me. So we made it out and back without a problem. Only Jake got a little seasick! (Haha!)
The rest of the day was nice too, it’s a lot of work for me, but it was nice to know I have a bunch of friends willing to come by and help and support me! We did a brewery tour, made it back home, and I had the toilet experience to reckon with…. Not going to discuss that!
The Bachelor Party was a nice time on the roof! The brothers had prepared Brats from Vanguard! I was so excited to have had Vanguard, that was amazing!
It really was a long day, a day that really works the stamina out of me. I’m really glad to have such great brothers, friends, my folks! They all really were there for me today, it meant alot. It’s hard to keep on top of it all sometimes, but I try to keep moving. One day at a time, that’s all I can do. Just one day at a time.
Citations
- “What Is Quantum Entanglement? NASA Science.” NASA, NASA, 2 Apr. 2025, science.nasa.gov/what-is-the-spooky-science-of-quantum-entanglement/.
The Astronaut on Earth 
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