4/20
Whoa. This morning I woke up with such substantial sensations in my calves, feet, knees! I had a dream last night I was walking around with Anthony and Brandon Rice, planning on playing in a Kicker’s reunion game. Actually this dream started with John and I, navigating this almost church like place, and starting on the roof. We were originally somewhere out in his neck of the woods, where this Ukrainian family was making lots of tasty food and treats! And then, for some reason, John and I had to get down this building from a set of folding rafters? It was wild, because John and I took a different route, it was really crazy how the roof folded, and then we needed to climb down the rafters as it rotated 180 degrees. It was like something out of a video game?
So once we were on the ground, I was walking around this big gym space, trying to find John. That’s when I looked out a window, saw him running, and then jumped out a window and caught up with him! Haha. I asked him, why he was running, and he wasn’t quite sure, but he was hungry. I was too! So we then went off in the festival grounds to go and find some food, and that’s when I ran into the soccer brothers! There were all sorts of guys from years past that I used to play soccer with there, and it was really interesting because I was upright, and talking to them about trying to play, even if it was just for a little bit!
I really like these dreams. My brain isn’t giving up on my body. In my waking state, I can’t either. Just one day at a time, slowly but surely, that’s what I need to do!
My legs though, really are filling out! Even after having to lay up for rest these past couple days, my quads and glutes, hips, calves are all hungry to get moving! Let’s see what I can do this Easter Day!
It’s almost like I need to re-learn how to move, but with breathing thru my nose? It’s really interesting, my nose is moving air so much better, but my body doesn’t quite know how to time everything just right. It’s really wild.
So I just had this observation? My legs seem to be responding better, to shorter, more frequent, standing sessions. Instead of trying to stand up for an hour plus at a time, why don’t you get up every hour? It seems to me this would get my legs in a better rhythm for moving around?
What are the daily activities you should be doing daily for your legs? Let’s start a list, let’s see what you can think of:
- Get up in standing frame every hour
- Stretch, while dressing and undressing
- Exercise them, every day
- Some form of reciprocal motion
“The theory of relativity has changed our views on space and time, it has, in fact revealed entirely new features of space and time, of which nothing is seen and can’t a priority forms of pure intuition. The law of causality is no longer applied in quantum theory, and the law of conservation of matter is no longer true for the elementary particles.” Fun interesting ideas to think about as I’m working on my body! It really goes to show that so much more is possible than we truly think! We have to really let our bodies and mind experience and learn to know what is truly possible!
4/21
As I wake up this morning, the sensations across the board are expanding. I’m truly wondering how much of an influence being able to get consistent air through my nose is going to help my once dormant muscles! I am feeling the tightness, the aches, the pains throughout my legs that I had once felt in my mid to upper back! This is a good sign to me, to know that my muscles are reactivating!
I might need to take some Tylenol this morning for my sinuses, I can see them wanting to cause a ruckus today. Too many things for my body to have to deal with. It’s just so interesting, feeling so many parts of my body wake up, liven, and provide feedback! Whether it be through helping me get up to stand, or to stabilize me more and more through movements throughout my day.
I’ve been having a hard time this weekend, and I can’t help but think about the fact that I had a pretty extensive surgery, so, I need to give myself a bit of a break. It’s really wild how my knees, legs, glutes, hips, feet, shins, are all blasting awake this morning! Just small consistent little things to help throughout the day! That’s what I gotta do!
You know, it’s hard to be happy, sometimes.
I miss running in the mud. Running with Max. I’m looking at my older/ worn pair of running shoes. I wore those out I no time flat. I was running so much with Max I put 300 miles on them in no time. That’s when I knew I needed another pair. That’s what Ive currently been wearing in this chair. My old running shoes. How freaking ironic. They’re also getting beat to crap from me dragging myself in and out of the car. It’s terrible. It’s just hard. My hamstrings have been so tight this morning, my back is feeling weak, and up at the top of the rods, I can feel the muscles pop back and forth over them. They haven’t done this in quite some time, and I know that it’s from not going to the gym regularly. I’ve been trying to do more things on the floor/ standing frame/ the new walker. Since I can’t do everything, something had to give. I guess it was upper body gym time.
I’m just, at a really big loss for words right now. I am feeling like I don’t want to keep going through these motions. To just pretend. It’s so hard right now. I need to take care of my body. I need to help him. He needs to be moving, useful, contributing. Sitting in this chair is the opposite of that.
Wow. Just wow! Therapy today was honestly, absolutely amazing! I was really making so big strides!! This was freaking great!! I don’t think my sit to stands or tall sitting exercises had gone this well before! And I’m just a few days out from surgery! This is amazing what a little air can do for our bodies!!!
Sit to stands, but my glutes and body was really kicking in! I could feel how my glutes would fire up after standing for longer and longer! These guys are really showing up! I need to keep them going!!
Tall sitting at 28 inches!! Only 6 more to go till I’m up all the way! I’m getting close! It’s crazy how uncomfortable at first these new positions are, like it’s really a sketchy position at first, but slowly but surely my body is able to respond and adapt! And I definitely need to make sure I don’t get any help to give my body a chance! Joni is really good at helping push my body in these uncomfortable positions, she honestly does some great work!!
I’m so tired right now, it’s insane. My legs really worked hard today! I can breathe so much through my nose, it’s honestly been amazing. All the parts of my body are getting so much more oxygen, it’s honestly really amazing!
I fell asleep at like 8 o’clock, I need to get some rest. My body is really working hard these days. To breathe more, to stand taller, to get back walking. Let’s get him all the rest he needs. I got a busy day tomorrow.
Lorentz Transformations, turns out these are super fascinating equations to help explain quantum mechanics! It’s spooky too because I’m drawing parallels between these ideas and what’s happening in my body!
Okay so, let’s crack open Lorentz transformations and show you how they totally resonate with what I’m going through in my body. I can’t be crazy for feeling a connection?!? Here’s the simplest, realest version:
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What Are Lorentz Transformations (Simply)?
Lorentz transformations are the math equations that describe how space and time stretch, squish, and mix when something moves really fast—like close to the speed of light. They replace our everyday Newton-style rules when you’re zooming through space.
Imagine:
• You’re standing still = one experience of time and space.
• You’re moving super fast = different experience of time and space.
Lorentz transformations tell us how your experience of time, space, length, and simultaneity change when you’re moving vs. when you’re at rest.
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Simple Analogy: Stretchy Reality
Imagine space and time are like a stretchy bodysuit you’re wearing. When you move, it warps around you:
• Time slows down (Time Dilation) — like your movements slow in a dream.
• Lengths contract (Length Contraction) — distances seem shorter in your direction of motion.
• Events that seem simultaneous to one person might not be to you (Relativity of Simultaneity).
The Lorentz equations just describe how much things stretch and compress.
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Now… My Body and Transformation
Here’s where it gets interesting, I’ve been feeling:
• Time acting differently in your recovery.
• Space in your body changing—leg sensation growing, chest and torso expanding, feet waking up.
• A split between how your body used to be and how it’s becoming.
• A kind of “observer shift” inside your own nervous system.
That’s a kind of Lorentz transformation, but internal.
I’m not traveling near the speed of light, but my nervous system is recalibrating my experience of space, time, movement, and self. My brain’s internal “coordinate system” (its way of knowing where you are in space and time) is being transformed.
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My Internal Lorentz Transformation:
• Time dilation: Things feel like they’re happening slower or faster depending on your focus and awareness.
• Spatial contraction/expansion: My limbs feel closer or further, larger or smaller depending on my proprioceptive awareness.
• Relativity of simultaneity: Two sensations that used to feel like they happened together… don’t anymore. I am feeling sequences more deeply and distinctly now.
• Changing frames of reference: I used to operate from “I can’t feel my legs,” now it’s “I feel power and growth and activation there.”
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Bottom Line:
Lorentz transformations show us that reality depends on the observer’s frame of reference. And my frame is shifting like wild—in the most beautiful, powerful, and wild way. My body is recalibrating space and time internally, just like Lorentz said happens externally.
I am experiencing my own kind of relativity. And I am becoming the Astronaut on Earth—a new observer with a new set of rules.
4/22
So at the gym, and I asked Darin (the gym fella) a question, “hey if you tried to do those leg extension exercises without engaging any other muscle in your body, could you do it?” And so then he gives it a go! As soon as he did, he put the weight down a bit, and then as soon as he took his hands off the handles on the side, he started to lift from the seat and the backrest! I was watching this, because before I had seen that his entire upper body was engaged during the movement, and it got me thinking! “I wonder if this is just true for every type of motion?” We might not be thinking about it, but getting our entire body to engage, is kinda what I’m thinking? Seems like I will have to look more into this!
I’m also really impressed with how relaxed and simmered my legs are feeling! Like sooo much more relaxed! It’s really cool! I’m really hoping that it’s all because I’m actually getting the right amount, or better amount of air!
It was wild, I had some really gnasty nose stuff come out after the sinus rinses this afternoon! Holy smokes were these some massive chunks, some big ole clots! They were wild! After it all came out, it was the biggest relief! I am having to try less and less to get air out of my nose, it’s pretty amazing! I really have been feeling like I have to relearn how to do everything by breathing through my nose! It’s kinda wild.
4/23
Honestly, here we go! The sensations are through the roof! My hips, glutes, quads, knees, shins, angles, feet! Everything is really filling in!
I’m not going to lie, it’s not even 7 o’clock at night, and I’m straight up exhausted. I’m ready to finally eat some much needed dinner. It’s pretty intense how physically tired I am right now! I’m very glad to have gotten my body to be moving, and I need to keep it up!
I have so many sad things that could be said right now. But, to save me from myself, I’m going to hold off. It’s time like this, that I need to figure out how to unite these ideas and thoughts. There is only so much we can do. and so one day at a time, I am going to try my best to keep this as unified as I can. I don’t know where this is going, but I will see this through.
4/24
Will increasing my resting engagement rate for my muscles increase the neurological threshold for activation when I need to use the muscle in question? I.e. consciously engage my abs while sitting so that when I need to use them later for moving around and standing, they are ready to go? And also apply this for my legs to stabilize me more? Seems to me like it’s a worthwhile idea to try out! Let’s see how it goes today!
Okay, I just got out of the car, and my feet are feeling more than you can believe right now!
Pilates went awesome today! Goodness, Therese is always able to get my body moving in ways I didn’t think I could, and then challenges me in ways I didn’t really think possible! It’s always a good progression, seeing how my body responds week to week like this! It’s honestly really amazing work we are doing here!
The relationship between quantum physics and neurology is something I need to continue to explore. What is this relationship? How does this work? Who is doing research on this topic? All questions I need to look into!
That was the biggest sigh of relief! I finally laid down, and my body has been working so hard today! After Pilates, the sensation in my entire legs, quads, knees, lower legs, ankles and feet have been taking off recently! It’s been a huge step change of sensation!
I ended up doing what is basically a power washer for your sinuses. I used the Navage finally after the surgery, and my nose is breathing so clear! It’s unbelievable! I honestly cannot believe that I have gotten such relief from this in just under a week so far! With so little side effects it’s unbelievable!
I think now, it’s time to do a little reading. I like how it makes my brain work. It’s really a fascinating progression, going from my busy day, physically working it to exhaustion, to then writing, and then reading. It’s honestly pretty amazing what our brain and body are capable of, I’m glad I am able to keep up!
4/25
Dang. These legs! Each morning, and honestly with each new movement, they are filling more and more in! Sometimes I feel like an elementary schooler, with a 3D picture of my legs. I get a little crayon, and each morning, I fill in the areas in my legs that have new and more significant sensation in them! Little by little, the outline is filling in!
Guessing all of Jake’s birthday meal! This was nuts that I was able to guess the two meats, Brisket and Smoked Sausage, his sides, and got close on dessert! Turns out idk if I would have guessed cheesecake eggrolls, but I got the cheesecake part right! Happy Birthday brother!!
4/26
So, I’m wondering, how I can continue to work on keeping my feet more grounded, and to feel the earth more and more? Because I think it was interesting that at Pilates, Therese brought this up again! I honestly do believe this is something I need to work more on, because I feel the benefits in how I am moving better in my day to day!
My legs after the gym right now are feeling very good! My quads are feeling more and more like they should! This is what I want them feeling like, engaged, used, and not overpowered by my hamstrings constantly!!
I just, have a hard time. Sometimes it’s the little things. Like navigating the outside world and having to participate. I don’t try to feel the way that I feel, I cannot help how my mind is able to think of situations and times from everywhere in my past that don’t involve this chair. It’s hard. I think it’s really interesting having to think about the fact that I had such a high standard of living before the accident. And then I realize the standard of living for most everyone in this country is also so high, it’s insane. To think about the luxurious lifestyles that we are able to sustain even just from 75–100yrs ago is honestly pretty perplexing. It makes you think and wonder how sustainable it really is. It also makes me think if people here ever truly appreciate how amazing their lives are, regardless of wealth? There are just so many reasons for this, having healthcare to keep us alive and healthy, cars, television, phones, internet, you name it. We live better than kings from centuries past. It’s unreal. I guess I hope that more people do slow down to appreciate these facts of life, because in my case, and too many others out there, it could be a lot harder. There’s always someone who has it harder. Just something to keep in mind.
I don’t even know if I like to participate in some of societies activities anymore sometimes because it gives me such a hard time. And it’s not even because I do not want to, it’s because my body cannot handle it. I just. I don’t know. Let’s get some rest. Your legs are responding and working really hard today. More on that later. It’s been a long week, and I need some rest. Times like this, the bad thoughts try to come creeping in, but I really just need some rest. Sigh. Let’s do it again tomorrow! Let’s try and keep moving! Keep this body useful!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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