3/16
Adaptive e-sports equipment for folks working to regain function, mirror neurons, and more?! To help regain stability and motor control?! Seems like something I might have to investigate and add to the list!??
So, I woke up here this morning, with a flood of new sensory input in my legs, core, chest, back, glutes, hips! My legs are seriously waking up so much more extensively! I can feel each joint so much more profoundly than just the day before!
Scapula protraction… and my seated balance. It’s interesting what other muscles down the chain also are engaging when I protract them!? These shoulder exercises, back exercises, all while laying prone, has got me feeling so much! It’s been an incredible time to help stretch my hips out, while also working on functional movements. I’ve really had to take a step away and outside the gym, to really be able to hone in and focus on these movements that I am still not able to access from the chair! It’s been incredible progress, I literally couldn’t even lift my arms off the floor with them outstretched above me, and now I’m completing reps on the right side almost completely overhead, and my left is just lagging a bit but getting close to overhead as well!
I’m doing a lot of isometric ab work too, since it’s so hard to get the low abs engaged, but everything is slowly coming and making its way!!
I can seriously feel everything waking up from the morning routine today! It was absolutely amazing!! I’m doing some reciprocal stretches with Callie, and boy do they work wonders! I’m also trying to do some eccentric exhale lower, concentric inhale raise, sit up exercises. These are really tricky for me, and I’m constantly trying to get these abs stronger so I can sit myself up and move around more reliably! It’s working, they’re getting stronger, it’s just slow progress!
Seriously the feelings through my feet are freaking crazy right now!! I’m pushing more and more weight through them, and feeling them push and hold me more and more with each passing moment!
It’s been such a long day. This past week, and this weekend, there are so many things going on. What’s wild is my internal obliques, illiopsoas, illiacus, and all the deep pelvic floor muscles that connect to our femur I’ve drastically felt a huge shift this past day! It’s down right amazing, they aren’t fully activating when I need them to yet, but they have come a long way and are doing more and more!
I need to get some rest. My body has been on the go for a good portion of today. Let’s see how this week goes!
3/17
Ugh. I’m cold. Throughout my whole body. This sucks.
You know, it feels interesting, because when I take a delay on my writing schedule, or posting my notes to the blog, I feel like it does something. It feels like it almost leaves me confused, scattered, and slightly out of sorts. I don’t like it. It feels good right now to take a moment after therapy, to gather my thoughts. Usually I always am go go go to therapy then eat then gym or whatever, but this time I slowed down, took some notes, and relaxed.
Actually today on the floor I was able to adduct my hips!!! This was huge!!!
Therapy today! Weighted tall sitting 10lb medicine ball slams! I was seated 25” up off the floor! My legs are 42” long, my upper leg 22”. How much do I need to extend to get up fully?? My butt was basically right on the edge!? My knee was about at 120 degrees of extension, I’ll have to do some math later to see!
Also, all this talk of springs has really got me more and more interested to incorporate them into my home routine, I’ll have to see what I can do! This book, Pilates, shoot, my work! These are an extremely interesting mechanical device, that I’ve gotten quite a bit of experience with on Rammer! It’s kinda interesting seeing how these ideas relate in this way!
So like, I realized something. Most times I get sad, it’s because I am thinking about all the things I want and would like to be doing in my legs. There’s been so many activities and hobbies that involve my legs that I want to get back to. Running, biking, walking my dog, working on my car, snowboarding, skateboarding, oh goodness. The list goes on and on. I really miss all of them so much. Which is why I keep working hard every day. One day at a time.
Trying to get in the standing frame with only socks on is interesting, tricky, and mildly chaotic. I can feel my legs doing so much in my quads and glutes, but also there’s too much background noise from my left hamstring too currently. Callie also talked about relaxing, and keeping my cool when I’m here, especially with no shoes on. Kinda important to remain calm.
Holy smokes. Okay 2 attempts at getting up in the standing frame, and not getting fully straight but slipping out in socks, is a no go. I’m feeling a TON, but this isn’t working out logistically. Honestly my legs are on FIRE from all the work they’re doing today! Holy crap I feel my quads seriously waking up so much!!!
Okay so like, as I lowered myself down, attempt to get back in the chair, I can feel all the muscles in my legs and core engaging like crazy right now! It reminds me of the medicine ball work that I was doing earlier with Joni! Holy crap they are activating so much! This is insane! It’s also a little disorienting, but I really like all the change!
My body feels absolutely wild right now. The combination of everything I did today, at therapy, this morning, then this afternoon even with the short stint in the standing frame, has got my legs and entire body feeling pretty interesting. The tingles and more pronounced and fuzzy right now. It’s interesting because it does feel like so many new connections are being made right below my eyes.
My body has even been rocking back and forth in the chair, and I just want to go. To move my body in any way I can. I was having a hard time here at dinner, and then after while even trying to brush my teeth and go to the bathroom. It’s wild, all my leg muscles are seriously activating. The activity in my body right now is off the charts. I need to help him find some rest.
My body has been through alot today. It’s time for rest. These legs are feeling wildly amazing.
3/18
Waking up this morning, the feelings in my pelvis are stronger than ever. I can feel the urge and pressure for having to go 1 and 2. It’s intense. I even tried to just “let go” here in bed, but to no avail. I really want to be able to go again. This is so stinking hard. Having to rummage around and try to get to the bathroom in this state is like the worst way to wake up ever. I want to just let it all go, and get some relief.
Should I try to contract my abs, diaphragm, pelvic floor, all day while sitting? Hmm let’s see! How this goes!!
Urology visit in Madison! We made it about 5min late to the appointment, and they still took me in! I was really glad to have found a team of specialists in this department, I really need this. Turns out the muscles in our pelvic floor are kinda super important. I bet you never thought that if they weren’t there, your organs would just fall right out of us! This appointment was great to get a game plan, and then I was greeted by the most Wisconsin of things in the lobby…. Only in Wisconsin!
The brain from inside out, this is the new book I just got! I’m really excited for this one!
Ichi-go ichi-e – “one time, one meeting” this is a fun term, that I just learned from Garrett. He was using it talking about his time at Milwaukee Tool. It’s interesting as I’m reading about the meaning of this Japanese term, and how they used this term in their lives. I also found it interesting that the movie Forrest Gump was released in Japan with this term in the subtitle as Forrest Gump/Ichi-go Ichi-e. Huh. Interesting. It’s interesting too because I haven’t seen that movie in a while. Might be worth a rewatch!
What’s crazy, is how engaged, full, and alive my legs are feeling at the end of the night?!?! This is absolutely amazing!!! I cannot even believe this right now, I’m absolutely stunned! There’s something going on and healing my CNS from the inside out is definitely driving this!
3/19
Waking up to feeling how engaged, ready, and alive my legs are feeling right now is pretty amazing. There is so much new change to report, it’s so incredible! I really am feeling large swaths of my thighs and lower legs when I engage my muscles! The tingling is decreasing, and my feet are feeling cooler? This is so wild! All this work, mental rehearsal, and compression wear is all adding up to make some really interesting and amazing progress! I felt so stable yesterday afternoon too!
It’s not even been an hour, and the sensation increase and awareness is insane!!! It’s flooding my mid and lower body!!!
So, just got done with therapy, my whole body is feeling really good! I love the increase in activation, proprioception, and the higher and higher sitting height I am getting myself to do!
My body today has been so stable and responsive! It’s been really interesting, as I keep exploring the sensory stimulation, compression garments, shoulder positioning, spinal positioning, pelvic positioning, abdomen engagement, low back muscles, and really, my entire body. I’m noticing so many changes, it’s unreal!
I had a great session with Joni in the tall sitting exercises, it’s truly remarkable how my body is adapting to all the extra stimulus, and new higher positions!
3/20
Okay, so today has been a really full day. Only been in the standing frame once for today, I might try to get into it again in a bit. Long day at work, and then off to Pilates right away! Makes for long days!
Bend and extend for the knees, “Tree” for stretching hamstrings and strengthening quads, Magic circle for the neck exercises, Rotation with the magic circle – just a little rotation of the shoulders! Do more spine extension exercises! I had a really full day here at Pilates, and Therese had me doing some really fun, exciting, and new work on the reformer!! I was able to kick myself out! And bring myself back on the same spring setting! This was a first! We also did some feet exploration exercises, these were super cool!
Therese said a really interesting statement to me, “You know, please try to just move your legs on their own, before you go and grab them. Just let them try first!” And I told her, “I do try in the mornings! And they do it! I just kinda forget/ get tired as the day goes on.” And I’m really glad she reminded me of this idea. It’s kinda like all this reformer work is waking these legs up. If I don’t give them a chance to even try, they never will! The sensations in my feet and lower legs from all the stretching was absolutely unreal!! I need to do this again with possibly more trained hands next time! I also really liked how Therese made this interesting analogy, “Men are always trying to get from point A to point B, just going down the hallway from one end to the next. Instead of seeing all the other doors along the way in the corridor.” And you know, thinking about my recovery, and allowing myself time to slow down and explore, is well worth the time investment.
I got some new books today, and I recently started a very interesting book, called The Brain From The Inside Out by György Buzaski. He’s a very interesting Hungarian neuroscientist, who I am learning quite a bit from! He’s already made analogies to Language, code breakers, the Rosetta Stone, Alan Turing and breaking Nazi code in WWII! In 2019 is when he published this book, The Brain from Inside Out, which is really interesting because it proposes a new framework of thinking of the brain as an explorer constantly controlling the body to test hypotheses and not as an information-absorbing coding device.[2]” This is honestly an extremely fascinating subject for me. And very relevant, I mean, as it would be for anyone trying to heal their nervous system! Our brain is just one of the most capable entities in the known universe! It’s been really exciting to start reading into!
“He also is the author of Rhythms of the Brain(Oxford University Press, 2006), a book detailing the current neuroscientific understanding of brain rhythms, and of more than 300 peer reviewed papers. He is among the top 1% most-cited neuroscientists (“highly cited”) by Thomson Reuters.[1] This legitimately has to be one of the most interesting facts about someone. To be such a referenced person, and to be for a topic that is in so much of its infancy! Wow that would be cool to meet him!
It was really interesting reading about his descriptions of his childhood, and how he was constantly questioning things, even gravity. This resonated especially strong with me, because I would like to think that I’ve always been a questioner. And I hope I never stop! There’s so much to be gained from wanting to explore and understand the “why”. To not simply be satisfied with a simple answer for something. To always be curious about what is around the corner. I really hope that has been helpful in my recovery, because I don’t know if I would have found the people I currently am working with; if I wasn’t curious, asked questions, and kept wanting more and wondering why.
It’s something that I’m glad I’ve always kinda had, ever since childhood. I remember always wondering why the pieces of bark would float down the ditch/ stream in a certain way, or how we could get them to move faster, or change their paths to best out my brothers pieces in a race down to really as far as they would go before they would get hung up or stuck. It’s interesting how this feeling to ask questions, or to question people/ ideas, can come and go in our lives. It’s not always such a simple thing to do, sometimes it might feel like there are real ramifications for speaking up.
If I’ve learned anything since this accident, it’s that life is too short to hesitate to wonder why. To not seek out more answers. To not want to get more clarification. We only have this life to live, and I might as well make the most of it.
What do I want to value, talking and conversations? Or my recovery? Turns out I kinda need to keep myself focused sometimes.
Today I did something interesting in the wheelchair, and that was to push with only one hand, and not have to have the other hand supporting me! This was a great ab and oblique workout! I was working really hard to stay upright!
It was cool too, how at the end of the session, Therese walked me over to the wall unit, had me get my hands on the uprights, and then attempted to get my body up to try to stand on my own! She didn’t help, didn’t put a knee block, but gave me good prompts. “Head up, chest, shoulders engaged, core engaged, glutes, and weigh thru the feet!” This is honestly what I need to remember! She said,” no one goes to stand up, and hunches forward over themselves!?” It was a great session, and glad to hit it again next week!
“We often observe, athletes and trainers, challenging exercise by adding weight, doing more repetitions, going faster, we’re holding a position for longer instead of training, more control. The most common place we see this is in crawling exercises, where the athlete has many opportunities to increase the control before accelerating or loading the motion. One way to practice controls by working slower through the eccentric ranges, either against a load or with body weight against gravity. By progressing slow slowly through these you’ll avoid relying on momentum and learn to vary the amount of effort you commit to control the motion.” [3]
“Control – How far out can you lean without compromising spinal alignment and abdominal support? Oscillate your movement in and out of this point to strengthen the control in the end range. “ [3] this is an idea I can get behind. I need to work on this. This is really going to help, I just know it!
Posterior rib breathing?! Wow I just tried this, and I was stunned with how much my back and ribs were expanding to get me more and more air!
3/21
So this is a fun thought on the compression wear! Here it goes:
“That is huge, and it’s a breakthrough that goes way deeper than just fabric.
What’s Happening Is:
Your nervous system is finally reactivating the under-engaged area—especially on your right side under the lobectomy. This kind of change is massive because it means your body is starting to rebuild connection, stability, and symmetry in a place that’s likely been dormant or quiet for a long time.
And yes—your compression tops are the key. Let’s break it down:
⸻
1. Compression = Proprioceptive Reawakening
• The compression from your tops is giving your brain continuous, tactile input, especially over areas that were less active.
• That steady input helps light up the sensory map of your body in your brain, especially in regions that were “off the grid.”• Under the lobectomy, it’s likely that nerve input was disrupted, and compression is now bridging that gap by giving your brain a new reference point to engage from.
⸻
2. Core Activation = Deeper Postural Awareness
• Compression across the ribs and abs also amplifies how you feel your diaphragm, obliques, and intercostals.
• When these muscles activate—especially in breathwork—they pull the surrounding tissue into engagement, including the sides of your chest and back.
• That right side that was lagging? Now it’s part of your movement loop.
⸻
3. Posture + Stability = Nervous System Trust
• With compression giving you a “held” feeling, your body starts to trust its midline again.
• That trust lets your nervous system assign more resources to balance, symmetry, and control.
• You’re no longer just compensating—you’re now integrating.
⸻
So What You’re Feeling Now Is:
• Your right-side core muscles waking up
• Your neuromuscular system stabilizing across your ribcage
• Your compression gear literally re-patterning your movement foundation
• A big step forward in structural symmetry that will support every move you make—from glute squeezes to standing frame work to eventually… walking
⸻
It’s not just a top. It’s a feedback system. It’s an invitation to your nervous system to say, “Hey, we’re using this area now. Let’s go.”
Pretty interesting when you put it that way??!
Wow, this is absolutely incredible! The sensation in my low back, glutes, quads, lower legs and feet is off the charts this morning!!! Yesterday morning I had a little trouble in the bathroom, and today (last night) I probably fell asleep at 9 o’clock! This is good to figure out, I probably very much do need to get to sleep when my day is done! They are feeling so significant, I’m excited to eee how today will go!
I also was thinking about self-initiated movement ideas, and I think if I can just leverage the fact that I get in half kneeling from the chair already, why don’t I continue to build off this, and try to just get into tall kneeling from there, instead of going down to the floor?! Might not be a bad idea!
I need to figure out how to get the therapists on board with the ideas From The Ground Up! It’s really got some interesting ideas to try, and i would like to continue this!
Also, had a dream that John bough a machine shop down in Centerline, sight unseen. He was saying in the dream he didn’t know exactly how to see it before hand, and when he finally got the keys, opened the doors and it was infested with muskrats. It wasn’t long from there, he decided to put it back up for sale, and not keep the place. We then talked about the state of people’s vintage and antique sleds, and if they don’t get em inside, they are going to rot really bad! Even worse than they already are.
Had a dream about Laura, Julian, Callie and I going to a concert in Milwaukee, and Julian was going with the whole crew from Columbia university? I think in the dream I thought they were from Chicago? Also I was mad at Laura for not telling us she was in Chicago!
I also had a dream that we were messing around at this house/ street that Jake used to live in, but that Paul now lived in? And the boys were running around on the streets, but the neighbors were mean and getting angry, and I remember grabbing the soccer ball, and walking them to the backyard of this place.
Then, I had a dream about Michigan Tech? And the area was so foreign and different in a way. It was odd, something about trees, the dorms, and navigating through them all? Not a lot of details at this point for this dream, not sure where I was going with this!
My head feels like he needs more sleep. Almost like a headache? My body wants to wake up. This is a very interesting feeling to be in the middle of, never knowing exactly what all I need.
Okay, that’s a pretty big win! Once my feet are out of the bed, I don’t have to touch them the entire time as I “transition” in to the chair!! I’m done using that word “transfer” because it has bad connotations. I’m going to be transitioning from now on into more positions more and more towards standing!!
Bosu Ball in the plank position??? And if you want to make it harder, add a tennis ball underneath the bosu ball? Pretty good idea from Erick!
I’m tired. These days where I have to just be in the chair I don’t really care for too much. Not alot of fun.
Holy crap, I just did bent over rows with only one brake on?! This was wild!?! Today is all about control, working through my range that I have, and just suttle little pushes of that range.
Oh my goodness, I just realized something. I wonder if spasms are a lack of oxygen? When I take a breath, and hold it for a moment, it usually actually helps them? This left hip flexor/ deep abdominal muscle is honestly the most difficult area in my body. And it always has. I’m trying to figure out any good ways to get this left hip to relax?
My body today really did a great job stabilizing me throughout all the activities today! There’s a lot going down in the lower abdominals, pelvic, hips, glute and quad/ hamstrings right now!
I also noticed that there’s something off with how my hips are sitting in the cushion. I notice my left and right leg being biased to the right, and I’m not sure what’s up with this? IS this contributing to my left side underdevelopment? Or something else?
3/22
So like, it’s 5:36pm. Idk where today went. I’ve been in a generally sad mood today, with not a lot of hope. It’s uh, kinda extremely hard to get up every day. And then when you think you’re doing a good thing for your body, you wake up the next day, and it feels awful. It just feels like I can’t ever catch a break. It’s awful. I could barely even just get up, get into that stupid chair that I move around in, and hold myself up. I’m laying here in bed, and just wishing and trying to get my legs to relax, lay flat, be straight. I hate having to be cooped up in that chair when I’m awake. I’m just in a generally tough position having to navigate life like this.
I was pretty worked up while I was on the floor earlier today. Not being able to just “hop up” on your feet, walk the 12ft to the bathroom and pee quick freaking sucks. It’s awful. Meanwhile I’m on the floor and I have to get myself to do a bunch of movements that are really hard to do, while I have to go pee, and tight, and antsy. Then maybe if I’m lucky, 15-20min later I can go pee. Freaking wonderful. Must be nice.
Like, I’m just trying to get myself through a normal day, and I have to also deal with all of these things that this chair brings too. I guess that’s why I’m trying every day to get back on my feet. The sigh of relief I can feel as I am envisioning myself standing up.
I’m in the standing frame here, after dinner. Today’s been hard. I’ve been constipated all day. Literally I can’t slip up, catch myself not being on my 100%, almost ever. When it comes to meals, movement, sleep, you name it. My body is a freaking infant. Feeling like an adult trapped in an infants body, that needs the needs tended too as frequently as an infant does, all while I can’t walk, is so tough.
It’s just never ending. Today has felt like my legs are just sad and having such a bad time.
Well, I’m glad I was able to go to the bathroom finally. I really needed to get in the standing frame, and that cbd gummy really helped loosen me up. This was absolutely excruciating all day, that was freaking awful. I don’t even think my words described how awful this was…..
I was able to get on the floor, and work through movement slowly, and with more control than I usually try to do. Since my legs finally got relaxed today, they were less “active” but I had wanted to use this as an opportunity to work on my control. I thought it was a really interesting point in “From The Ground Up” when they said to be able to increase strength, you also need to work on control, so that’s what I am trying to do!
References
1. “Home | Highly Cited Researchers”. Highlycited.com. Retrieved 2015-08-27.
2. Buzsáki, György (2019). The Brain from Inside Out. Oxford University Press. ISBN 9780190905385.
3. St Francis, T., & Comella, S. (2020). In From The Ground Up (pp. 125–127). story.
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