12/15
So, I woke up to the most extraordinary feeling through my right leg and inner thigh! He’s feeling so full! And even my ankles and feet, have such a significant cooler and “smooth” feeling as well? I mean goodness, even into my glutes, everything feels like it’s filling back out!
I wonder how I can keep this progress going? I know these modified sit to stands in the standing frame without the knee blocks are a big reason for my legs to be kicking in! I need to get better about stretching them quick before fully getting into the frame!
It’s interesting to think about how important sleep is. Also, seems to be that what I think about when I sleep as well also can help! I really want to get these legs moving more and more everyday! I do try to keep in mind that I need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable too! My hip and pelvis region really feels like it’s making so much more sense of the nerves and signals that are traveling through this nervous system highway!
I really do think there is something going on in my sciatic/ femoral nerve bundle, and being a bundled mess that’s slowly working through the signals. How can I help it more?
So, at the gym. It’s 7:54pm. I know that it’s really hard for me on the weekends. Especially when I don’t have a rigorous schedule to keep. It’s hard on my mental psyche. It really is. Weird.
So, I notice how some of these small movement exercises I do on the TRX ropes really help my core and trunk strength, as well as the proprioception through my legs! I feel so much engaging when I do this, and it’s interesting, because I’m not just working the muscle to exhaustion, but in trying to work it in a way to just send a lot of signals to my legs. So using the ropes I think is really helping to facilitate that!
You can’t get your muscles to turn off if you can’t even get them to turn on in the first place! This is something I keep telling myself!
12/16
“Being comfortable with being uncomfortable” is what I took to heart yesterday when we were in the grocery store. I embraced it. I decided that all this tightness and tight muscles were just another step in getting them to work! I know that you can’t turn off the power if it’s not even connected in the first place, so if I can get the power turned on, then working through the steps to get them to relax and turn off is the next step!
My legs are really trying to get straighter and straighter while on my back! I just need to keep the focus on my glutes and quads! Thinking about them has been so much more beneficial than thinking about those pesky hamstrings!
Another week, another chance to keep progressing! I realized these new modified standing exercises from the standing frame are really helping! My lower legs are really waking up! There is a fair amount of discomfort, as I was telling Callie last night, but that’s a good thing! It means it’s all waking up! I just need to keep this progress going!
I wonder what are some exercises or activities I can do to start the recruitment of my lower legs? How can I isolate them a bit? I really need to help them too! I am wondering, I am not sure what that’s going to look like, but let’s see how it goes!
Reading about Travis Pastrana was really interesting. He mentally prepares and rehearsed so much activity in his mind before doing his stunts! This makes me think about how I need to continue to approach my own work! The mental rehearsal really does play such a significant role, I need to be consistent with it!
I’m just really needing to keep my head focused. I really do see how life can be a pretty nice place for a lot of people. I need to focus. I have a lot to do.
After doing that hip stretch for what felt like an hour, my hips are kinda jello! Haha!
Today I did have a good conversation with Matt about the Pilates machine, and it’s interesting because I have been meaning to get to the Pilates class with Bruce! I think there are a lot of cool opportunities with using that machine, I wonder how it will go!
I think about how my body gets so tired. Tired beyond belief. I’m just amazed my eyes are even open right now, it’s insane.
Ugh. My body needs rest. I don’t know why I’m so resistant to this, I guess I’m always trying to fit in as much as I can throughout the day. Let’s get some rest and try again tomorrow.
12/17
So, my hips are relaxing, but I really need this abdomen to loosen up! I need to work in the standing frame, and then a follow up with unassisted sit to stands, I think this would be a good precursor to the unassisted stands.
Therapy went well today! I’m not sure exactly what caused this to happen the second hour, but my sit to stands and weight shifts were so much better! I’m really glad with how they went!
I’m at the gym right now and thinking about my stability and the chest presses I just did with my feet on the ground, they went great! I’m really happy to see some progress there! Honestly, focusing on my quads, and doing these independent sit to stands have been helping tremendously!
Wow. My right leg is feeling a lot of warmth and a really strong feeling of awareness right now. It’s great. Unfortunately the dang wheelchair is moving all over the place because of these brakes not working very well, but that’s okay. I’ll adjust and keep moving on.
Do I get in the standing frame? Do I use the bathroom? Do I play a game of chess? Do I work on the wedding? The places my mind goes, there’s just never a stopping point for the work in our lives. I feel like never sitting on the couch is a good analogy for how busy my life is. So busy I don’t even have time to sit on the couch! I feel like that says it!
Why do my hip flexors have to get so tight? I stretch them all the time! wait, well…. That’s not always true…. I mean, how can I get them stretched out more throughout the day?
Whoa, I’m finally laying down in bed, and my left leg is the straightest it’s been! This is amazing!!
12/18
I’m waking up with a heavy amount of engagement/ proprioception in my glutes, quads, and lower legs!! I know these muscles need some serious work, now to make sure I don’t overdo it! I need to keep these guys going, but also get them the rest they need to heal and recoup. I feel like the legs are different than the arms, they seem to need less rest days?
So my legs today have been feeling very full! So active and engaged! I really was trying to take it light today. I know they need days like this of rest. I did get them moving around, up in the standing frame, but overall it was light! What’s interesting even, how my legs and body haven’t been so extremely stressed! Usually my watch measures stress levels close to 100, and usually far exceeding typical normal limits. But today, that was different! I noticed how they felt different, and also was able to not be so stressed!
I do think it was interesting today too, how today was Daryl’s last day in the office. It was truly a bittersweet moment, as he had over 45yrs experience with Milwaukee! It truly was incredible being able to work with him since I’ve started on every project with him. He has such a mindset that I truly would love to be able to keep as my example. He was always learning! He was always doing and is still learning new things everyday. He went from using a drafting board, pencils and paper, to an NX software “Superuser”. This was absolutely incredible to have achieved!
He taught me that mindset is more valuable than any knowledge. Because if you tell yourself that you can’t learn something, you’ve already lost. That’s as far as you would progress. He really encapsulated the true mindset of an engineer, and he was always willing and so eager and able to solve so many problems. I’ve really enjoyed to be able to work and learn alongside him, now I hope I can do the same!
12/19
This is really intense right now! My legs are seriously filling in! I have so much engagement right now throughout my legs!
I’m really just feeling so anxious about everything that needs to get done, how much I need to do, and the time I have for everything. I guess it’s just the feeling of being overwhelmed.
With each snowfall, there’s so much dissonance in my head. I love snow. I love being in it. I love driving in it. I love snowboarding, running with Max in the snow. Playing in the snow. But right now, I don’t know how it all aligns and fits in right now. I feel left out of life. Like, I can’t participate in the activities that I love. So I guess the question could be how can I do things in the meantime, or how soon can I get back to it all? I don’t want to get comfortable with doing new things, and forget about all the things I do love. I know I will always want to keep progressing, but it’s so hard sometimes looking out the window, at the snow, and not knowing what I can do with it all right now.
With everything that’s going on, it makes for a really tough time.
12/20
These legs are ramping up each and every day! Im starting the day off with some sit to stands from the chair to help get things going!
Therapy stands, the wobble seat, these were really good today! Working on my core and working on more leg engagement everyday!
Gym, heavy bag and balance. All three I’m working on right now. I’m just getting my body moving more, and trying to keep my legs engaged this whole time as well.
Sushi, and fatigued legs! This was quite the day! I really was tired and I’m glad we went out to eat to wrap up the day!
Balance board, at home and therapy! I made one today, and I’d like to start using it more to get my legs working a bit more in a reciprocal motion! Let’s see how it goes, because at therapy they were starting to make some progress!
Bridget and I talked about a lot on the body and proprioception, and one thing as well, is how the body continues to heal so much longer than what was previously expected. It’s also unfortunate that insurance companies don’t support keeping intensive care for people, in hospitals or outpatient settings. That’s what I had to deal with. Just didn’t have continued care from the hospital even though I so desperately needed it. That’s been a mental struggle of mine that I have been dealing with. The lack of professional support, outside of PT and OT. And with that, a lot of it has been self supported too. No one is telling me to do this, except me. So it feels like everyone has given up on me, and I’m still out here working. Just doing anything that I can. I really am proud of myself for keeping up with this, it’s just such a hard thing to have had to realize and be working through.
Callie and I ran over to get some sushi! It was super snowy out, and Cal had to help me quite a bit on the sidewalk, crossing the street, and the giant snow piles. When the weather is like this, it is not friendly for the wheelchair. At all. All more reason to keep working to get out of it. The server we had told us her husband is in a wheelchair, and that he put lights on his chair for when he gets around at night, because it’s so difficult for people to see him. Not a bad idea, seeing as I’m slowly starting to get out more and more on my own, and god forbid, something like that happens. I feel like I hear about that quite a bit, someone in a chair getting in ANOTHER accident. Which is terrifying and also has to be the lamest issue that you have to account for possibly happening. it’s awful.
12/21
So, my hips, lower abdomen, my inner pelvis and inner thighs, my upper and lower front thighs, my knees, my calves, my ankles, front of shins, beds of my feet, toes, are all feeling a tremendous amount of feeling and change this morning! They really are getting fuller by the day! I feel around my knees, and there is so much change I’m feeling to fill in!
I really am noticing more and more how my leg spasms change at night when I really have to go to the bathroom. It seems like that sensation is migrating back to where to should be! Which is great! Also while I’m writing this out, I can feel parts of my legs filling in! Which is so cool! Slowly but surely, I just need to stick with it!
Continuing my education on my joint movement to simplify the imagery in my head would really be worthwhile. Also, resuming the mental imagery exercises too wouldn’t hurt! Let’s give those a go too!
I hate having to be such a clock to my body. I’m just moving throughout the day trying to appease my bodily functions. It sucks. I wish it wasn’t so severe and take so long! I guess it’s something to think about to try to improve.
Wow! I am feeling my stomach gurgle so much more and more! I really need to keep up with my daily notes, to make sure I’m keeping track of these little wins!
Yesterday I had mentioned how the tingling in my feet was diminished, and how it felt like I could clearly feel the perimeter of my foot in my shoe! Which was incredible to pick up on! Even last night, I felt more like I could feel my legs in my pants than I had before!
This is all so challenging, and I can’t help but think about how I really am an Astronaut on Earth. I’m navigating this new frontier of physical recovery, without the bounds of doctors, but with the help and guidance from the OTs and PTs. It’s crazy. Because I was literally saying to Callie how the largest gains this past week have all been because of my standing routine here at home, where I don’t get help from anyone. Just like how The Astronaut on Earth came back from Space, to an Earth that is not the same as the one that he left.
This is a fictional story that I am going to be developing, because it’s been an idea I’m working through, in my head as I am in real life. The Astronaut is alone. He doesn’t have anyone else to guide him through this journey. And he has to rely on himself, science, knowledge of the environmental systems, his own engineering background for life support, and navigation of an unknown. I can’t let out all the details, that’s what the book will be for!
I really need to keep focusing on working on my sit to stands, stretching my hips and hamstrings, and continually working on getting more and more upright! I am wondering how I can get myself up to stand at my parents house? Maybe a walker? That’s probably not the worst idea?! If I can keep getting these hips and hamstrings opened up, and strengthening my glutes and quads, I should be on track to get my legs and hips fully straight without anyone else by the new year! I’ve made a lot of progress!
Once I get up and am able to fully support myself, I need to work on weight shifting, and preparation for kicking my legs and making steps!
Also, drinking that sake last night really messed me up, I need to quit drinking, at least for the time being. It has too many reasons and detractors for my life at the moment. It’s fun, but not for me right now.
So, I just saw a guy on top of a half- bosu ball, the balance half ball type device. He was laying on the ground, laying on the bosu ball, and he was using the cable machine and the rope to do a crunch on the bosu ball! I bet I could do those!!
This heavy bag work has really got me whooped! This was great! I got my heart rate up, and am really feeling my chest opening up! I feel like I’m able to take deeper breaths!
My legs are feeling so very engaged and whooped right now. It’s intense. I think I need to get them to relax in a more stretched out position than the one in the chair. So right now I have them off the footplate, and I think this helps quite a bit.
Three ways to repair interrupted neuronal connections. Local, long distance, and spared fibers reconnect locally (plasticity). Just some notes from the spinal cord repair seminar I’m listening in to.
Okay, so I’m sitting up better while in the car, I quickly threw off my hoodie, leaned over and grabbed all the bathroom stuff with no hands, getting legs out of bed, legs moving independently, breathing deeper, put my hands above my head, not using the backrest all the time, oh! And the most important one yet, pulling myself off the back rest without hands! These are some of the things I know for a fact I couldn’t do even just a few months ago! I need to keep track of it all, because it’s been important to me to keep track of it all!
In the standing frame, I couldn’t even lift my hands up without support! Man, this has been wild, just thinking about all the progress. I know it doesn’t look like a lot to everyone around me, but I can feel it all. It’s getting better everyday. With every extra little bit of engagement, range of motion, or function, it all adds up! I’m just laying here trying to think of all the new and improved ways of doing things! I’ll have to continue this later! For now, rest!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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