10/13
My legs are feeling fuller and fuller everyday. My right hip and groin area is really filling out, as are my thighs, my left hip, knees, outer legs, shins, calves, ankles! My heels really have been joining in this morning cascade of feelings, and the tingling is really only in what seems like part of my toes! It’s amazing! I was really happy with my body’s performance at the gym yesterday, supporting myself and moving so well! Working through these spasms is getting better and better!
I need to get on the floor and crawl around today! Maybe I’ll try my braces, I haven’t used them it what feels like months now? Wild! I truly was working last night on sending more inhibitory signals, slowly breathing and thinking about the muscles tension letting go and leaving. It’s hard, but I was really trying. My legs were restless this past night, marching in place and kneeing Callie. She was mentioning how active they were, and I noticed they do this on days they don’t get to move around as much!
Dang! Made it down on the floor, did my tall kneeling exercises, got in the astronaut pants too! Perfect!
I’m at the gym now, and I’ve never done 2 handed 10lb bent over rows before! That’s a first! What’s really interesting is how my heart rate goes up to 140+ whenever I do activities without the support of my arms. I’m doing bent over rows, with my legs holding me up! This is amazing!
Today was pretty incredible for the fact that Callie was able to feel and see so much of my muscles in my legs working!
10/14
Talks about the Wright Brothers with Brother Johann, are just amazing. Really incredible when you realize what a couple of brothers were able to accomplish. The amount of time, effort, energy they put into something so profound is incredible. Self taught, and so much trial and error. I sometimes feel like I could go on for hours with the engineering marvels they were to accomplish! Maybe some other time! For now though, it’s safe to say that the years of dedication and development truly paid off.
“The Wright brothers’ work on aviation began in 1899 and lasted until 1905, when they developed the Wright Flyer III, the first practical airplane. In 1906, they were granted a patent for their control system, which is considered the “grandfather” patent of the airplane.” – [1]
Basically, this was 7 years! Understood, they had their first plane fly in 1903, but there was still a lot of work to be done! I guess, I’m really inspired by these brothers by their dedication to their craft, and to approach these problems they faced as systematically as they could.
What I’m experiencing with my body, reminds me of them in so many ways. If you don’t eat right, sleep right, exercise, give your body rest and recovery, how are you supposed to recover? I know we are talking about 2 fundamentally different problems, but it’s the nature of approaching the problem, is what I am referring to. If I don’t exercise, use and move my legs, or be consistent with my progress, how can I expect any different results? I know I can’t give up based on the slightest hiccup or mishap, because this is a process. My body is learning. My muscles are reforming connections that do not currently exist. I need to be patient. If I am not, I will get burnt out, sad, demotivated, and progress won’t continue.
I’m experiencing so many changes on a daily basis! Even though it’s a small glimmer of a muscle contraction here or there, or maybe it’s my ability to turn it on and off repeatedly, are all amazing steps! But if I just give up, because my progress isn’t “fast” enough, I won’t know how far I will make it! It’s the ability to keep going, for some reason, I may never know. I think there are a lot of reasons, and I think about them all. It’s really a process that I can’t give up on. Not now, and not anytime, for that matter!
I really need to keep that in mind as I keep progressing, and to be patient with myself.
I honestly have some of the greatest conversations with all my brothers, and they help continue to inspire me on the daily. It means a lot to talk to my family.
Therapy! Tired! I’m glad for days that get my body moving like this!
10/15
Work, tired, no standing frame, but so much feeling in my legs!
10/16
Alright, so I’m waking up, and I’m realizing something super interesting, my body is responding so well to sleeping on my back!!! My butt feels like he’s growing together and filling in, my hamstrings are relaxing, my quads are filling in, my gastrocs are filling in, the tibialis is, and my ankle and foot muscles are too! I can engage my glutes and quads on my left and right legs, and my legs are almost completely flat! My abdomen and lower illiacus muscles are spasming, but so much less! And same with the sweating! Less and less of that as well!
I know it’s a lot of time on my backside, but it feels so good! I really am feeling so much more through my legs this way, and I really do think that changing up all the the activities and positions in my life really helps. I’m not in the chair, and every moment I’m not, helps me progress a little bit more each day.
It’s really interesting trying to take nice full diaphragmatic breaths this way. I can feel something in my lower left side of my abdomen twitching and trying to do something? Not sure what yet. It’s so weird, so much of the spasms originate there? Why? Why that place? Sometimes I always wonder what happened to that spot in the accident. Makes me wonder.
Well, that’s always fun. When you’re at therapy and you piss your pants so dang bad you have to wait for someone to come and bring you some new ones….. great. This is just what you want. It’s tough, I guess it’s probably a compounding effect of coffee, tea, smoothie, so lots of hydration. Then the E-stim, the pressure from the bike seat, and you have a recipe for some amount of leakage. Oof.
So! Got done with therapy, and I’m noticing how much better these sit to stands are getting! And my upright balance is so much better! Once I got in the car I can really feel how much I am able to hold myself up, and it makes me feel like I’m driving around like I was before the accident more and more! It’s great!
The feeling, wait scratch that. It’s not about what I’m feeling, it’s about what I’m ACTIVATING! I can seriously feel my body engaging and activating when I’m doing all these activities! I can really feel my legs being recruited!
I really need to take some time to think. There’s a lot going on right now, and I need to make sure priorities make sense. It’s hard. I need to do this for myself, my body, my mind, and my future.
I am laying flat again, and I’m really noticing that my legs are getting more and more relaxed! Yes!
10/17
So I’m waking up, and trying to feel and think about all these feelings, because there are so many! From my abs, low back, hips, traveling all the way down to the tips of my toes! I was noticing how less and less, a spasm is triggered with a nice full inhale. Making me think the parasympathetic system is working a bit better?
From my glutes down, it’s interesting how full and how much I’m feeling in my legs! Upper and lower thighs, inner thighs, my outer thighs are a bit more dull. My knees are feeling a lot! Same for my calves, shins, upper and outer! Then when I move down to my foot, it gets very interesting. I’m feeling the pressure distribution from the bed on my heels, my ankles are feeling so full! The only tingling I’m feeling is a bit on the bottom of my foot, and two or 3 toes? The feelings of warmth I feel are returning too?
All the coordination of the muscles, contract – relax, are feeling more and more in tune. Still pretty sloppy, but getting more manageable everyday! That drive home last night after therapy felt amazing, I was holding myself upright better than ever, and was in more control, while simultaneously feeling more relaxed.
I can feel the tingling feeling raising from the urge to go, so I better take care of that!
10/18
I’ve been noticing how much my legs are here, and the tingling is really going away. It’s wild. And the sensations are really here!
At the gym right now, and really feeling the engaging feels in my entire body. My lower back is back, and he’s really been there for me these past couple days. I can really feel how engaged it’s been!
I had a wild night, Callie and I went to Cafe Corazon, and I stayed up till 1am playing Mario? What in the world? I also ended up having the most relaxed body after going out to eat, and the walk home on the sidewalk was one of the best I’ve had to date!
10/19
I had a thought last night that the muscle spasms are something different. What’s crazy, is everything.
I’m really feeling how my legs are behaving more like legs!
The muscle spasms, are engagement, and I need to sometimes work through, that. By never even trying to use my muscles, I’m only letting them win. Not this time. I’m in charge.
Citations
1. Wright Brothers Aeroplane Company/Aviation History Wing. The Wright Story. (n.d.-a). https://www.wright-brothers.org/History_Wing/Wright_Story/Wright_Story_Intro/Wright_Story_Intro.htm
The Astronaut on Earth 
Leave a comment