9/29
Okay. This has been an interesting and wonderful week! My body is experiencing some drastic changes, and I’m feeling it. My low back right now is working through some extreme amounts of tightness, and it’s been amazing being able to actually feel that! My hips are unlocking, and my legs are really activating! My quads and hamstrings are working together better, and also my hip flexor spasms are toned way down! I have been able to move around so much better because of this!
My back has some really interesting spots of wild and intense tightness. It’s this shooting/ stabbing pain, and it’s really hard to understand what causes it. I really don’t understand it.
So I just realized something. I sweat a lot. But not when you would think. When I’m up standing, in the standing frame, or getting a huge stretch in my legs, they sweat. I have no idea why this is the case? They say it’s AD, or Autonomic Dysreflexia, as an overreaction to stimuli, but I seriously need this not to be the case. Also, I am noticing it becoming less and less of an occurrence, the more that I expose myself to these certain stimuli. I suppose that the more I expose myself to these certain types of positions, I should be able to get better and better and sweating less and less?
I really was glad to have gotten in the standing frame this afternoon. I haven’t gotten up here in a couple days, and I feel it. I really do not want to be in this chair forever as my only means as to get around. I really don’t. I am so thankful being alive, being here, working every day, and working with my legs! I do feel the conflicting sides even in my own head. I understand that this is a way for me to get around, but getting complacent is not something that I will do. Nope. Nuh uh.
It’s crazy how much more my legs have been engaging in my day to day activities! They truly are there supporting me more and more! I feel it, and it makes things so much easier!
My left shoulder. Goodness. I feel like my serratus and lower trap aren’t pulling the shoulder blade down right. I also feel really imbalanced when I shrug my left shoulder as well. I’m spending some time to get better acquainted with this part of my anatomy, because I feel like there is never a point that I am learning too much about my body. There is literally a story with almost every muscle in my body. The serratus, that’s the one that had probably suffered the most from the accident in the chest. By breaking so many ribs on the entire rib cage, this muscle was just defeated for such a long time. I can feel it all changing on a daily basis.
9/30
So, I really feel like I’m feeling the knuckles in my toes?! What’s this all about?! Reading up on inhibitory signaling is very fascinating, as it’s really at the forefront of research. I know I have a lot more to learn and research on this topic! I really do feel my muscles start to relax when I rest my hand on them, like the front of my quad? Maybe there is something more to learn and expand from this idea?! The inhibitory signals, the signals we send to make the muscles relax, seems so intuitive and something that is not important, or a type of signal you wouldn’t have to try to send. But for me, it is. The spinal cord injury damaged those motor loops in the nerve bundles in my spine, and those signals are especially the ones that are suffering. I wish and I need to get my muscles to relax when I tell them! More and more I can feel this happening, but I really need to be present for this!
Working hard on getting my muscles to relax as much as contract is really interesting. I feel like we never think of needing to try to do that, but here I am!
10/1
I really miss having mornings where I talk about the change in feelings and sensations. I feel like I haven’t been doing that as much lately, and it bums me out. I need to get back into this habit. I really do! I know I am feeling different sensations, my feet on the drive home here have been so wild, I feel like I can feel the change in hydration, the tightness, and the proprioception of my knees is off the charts! I know my shins too have been feeling a lot more, it’s been intense.
I had a rough morning and night. The feelings I have been having has been stressing me out. I don’t like the way I am feeling. I am feeling less hopeful. It’s been hard last night and this morning. I had a phone call with brother Jake on my way into work. Phone calls with my brothers are all really great. It’s just, hard when all the thoughts stack up……
I’ve just had a rough day, had a rough time getting out of my mind. It’s been hard when I loose focus, focusing on the good, and the bad never seemingly trying to leave.
I’m at the gym, and I’m doing 30lb 1 arm bent over rows! I’m watching my body actually move, and move around more and more in ways less rigid and less like there are rods in my back. It’s wild. I was able to throw my hoodie on without the brakes locked, and my back unsupported by the backrest! Small wins really add up over time!
10/2
10/3
Therapy today went great! Out on the bike, and did the treadmill again! I really like this combo, I feel like it’s really helping the most!
Drove the whole way to mom and dad’s! We did it in 8hrs! So not so bad! I don’t have too much to report on except the fact that I miss my family. I truly am blessed to have such a caring and loving family. I’m really happy to be able to be spending the weekend with them! It means so much to me, and seeing my mom smile makes all the tightness worth it!
Even got on the floor, crawled around, and got mom in the astronaut pants! It was awesome!
10/4
Woke up, and am noticing a few things. My hips and glutes are really firing on command! My left side more than the right! More so, my right glute has a harder time letting go. I was really noticing both of these facts in the car yesterday! Not only are they palpable but visually I can see em going as well!! The feelings in my quads/hamstrings is also changing, I can feel that engagement, but I can also work on consciously contracting the muscles, which feels so much more distant in my legs and body, and I can also consciously focus in on letting them go as well! When I’m on the bike, when I’m not talking and distracting myself, I can really focus in on my upper legs firing! I just realized I need to focus on my lower legs as well, one moment!
Okay, so I’m back! And I watched a video of the muscles in your legs firing while during a pedal stroke! This was exactly what I needed! I actually took the time to do some in my head as well! Instead of only thinking of my upper legs, I’m going to incorporate my lower leg muscles during the cycle as well!
Welp, I fell…. Turns out going down an 8” step backwards in a wheelchair is no joke. I ended up trying to get down the step on my own. With no one even watching me! It was kinda stupid of me to do that with no one spotting me, especially because I’ve done it so few times on any other step! But! The only way I get better at something is to try, fail, and try again! So even tho I bonked my head, I can’t let that stop me from getting up and trying again! Maybe I’ll take a break from that for now.
We met Julia today! Callie and I were the first Aunt and Uncle to get to meet her! And boy is she beautiful! She looks so much baby John and baby Jill! We had such a nice evening at John and Jill’s! She really is going to be setup with some of the most caring parents ever. I love those two and can’t wait to see her grow up with them!
10/5
Had a nice little morning crawl!
Went to my first bonfire this year!
When I’m visiting my family, it’s always fun how much I’m not on my phone. Enjoying their company, and really enjoying these moments! I don’t have much to say except that I have one of the best families around. These guys are all great! I just need to be able to see them more…. Hmm. I’ll have to work on that one!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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