Aug 4th – Aug 10th 2024: “Memories Like This”

8/5

So, I’m crying right now. I’m at work, and I’m tearing up. It’s hard. A song came on that reminded me of a video I made like a month before the accident. “Teal” – by Wunderhorse, was the name of the song, I’m pretty sure I made and sent a Snapchat to the brothers of me grooving around to that. Let me see if I can find that. It’s funny, how you make these videos, Snapchats, and memories and don’t realize that they could hold such significant weight in the future.

I really like that song, and the way I’m moving in that video is a great silly way I like to imagine and feel my body moving like these days. The mental reps, the way I feel, is all so important to remember and keep in mind. I really think it’s crazy, because I seriously can FEEL my legs doing that! Just like in the video! Who the heck knows how long until I can move like that in real time! But I sure as heck aren’t stopping now!

It’s just hard, to have to continuously work through all these thoughts in my head. I understand that it’s going to happen, but boy is it hard.

Wow, I’m at the gym and I’m seriously feeling my entire posterior side engaging! SO MUCH!!!

8/6

Um. Well, today’s been a day. I’m sitting here in the bathroom just watching my chest rise and fall, and seeing this happen, is surreal. There was a time when I couldn’t even do this. There was a time when this genuinely hurt. So stinkin much. And now I can sneeze, cough, laugh, and it doesn’t make me feel like I’m in absolute agony. It’s wild. It’s so surreal. Today’s been interesting because I’ve had such mixed feelings about everything that is going on. It’s hard. I’m happy for the fact that today in therapy and at home, my legs have made a tremendous leap!

The therapist Mitch and I were talking about so much! 

8/7

I had a weird night. My legs and I have a hard time laying on my side. I wonder what that is? I really have such a set of significant feelings changing in my legs, my knees and quads are really squeezing? Or contracting? Or I am just really feeling them there? I know that the changes have to be good things, a lot has been happening!

Therapy yesterday went really well, hopefully it does today too, I’ve been stressed lately. I have a lot of things I need to do, a lot of people to reach out to, work to so, physical therapy to do, my home routine to do, go to the gym, eat, keep myself feed, oh don’t forget to go to the bathroom…… so much to do and only so much time in the day. 

I’ve noticed how much more overwhelmed I feel, when I don’t take time to get some of these thoughts out. And I don’t like that. I really enjoy writing, and I need to stick to it. I’ll keep my updates going for the changes I have been feeling! 

Goodness, and I need to call the doctors….. so many things to do! I better get up!

I had an AMAZING day at therapy today doing sit to stands!!! I was feeling and activating my glutes and quads more than I ever have! It was truly amazing! 

8/10

The other day I had made mention of how I don’t/ really haven’t been listening to music these days. There was something that happened. I made mention of it the other day too, it’s hard to want to get really invested into music these days because of all the feelings I know it will produce. I want to work on that. I want to cherish the memories and also help promote new ideas, feelings, and movements for the future as well! How can I do both?!