February 4th 2024 – Morning Noise

Feb 4th

MY LEGS ARE FEELING SO MUCH!!

They are sooooooo tight, and I’m legitimately feeling them, throughout my entire leg! My abs are tight, my glutes are sore, my quads and hamstrings are super tight, my calves and tib’s are tight, my knees are engorged, my ankles are too! My feet are feeling wild, from the tops of my feet, to the bottom of my foot, and all the spots in between my toes, they are all there!!

I woke up at one point in the early morning, and just had to lay here and try to engage them all! I was legitimately feeling them, and they were doing something! My legs are seriously buzzing!!

It’s wild, cuz it could be a feeling interpreted as “uncomfortable”, sore, squeezing, tight, hot, inflamed. But I know I’m at a stage where I need to really be thinking about the feelings, what they mean, and slow my thoughts down, to help interpret what it’s all saying to me!

This has been a wild series of mornings, but when I do this, take time to interpret my thoughts and feelings, I feel so much more grounded for the day. It’s so much to just lay here and let it all slip thru and pass you by, and I understand how people can get overwhelmed by some things. Especially complicated sets of feelings, because I’m experiencing such a complex set myself.

I’m really, honestly, grateful to get to try to feel everything I’m feeling. To have a brain on my shoulders capable of interacting with it all, being able to slow down enough throughout the day, and actually listen to my body.

I’m NOT in pain. I’m not. It’s such a more complicated process than that. If I were just feeling pain, I wouldn’t have the clairvoyance to actually be critically thinking about the “why”. Is it uncomfortable? Sure. Is it hard? Yeah, hell yeah it is. Is it hot and angry and make you want to lose it all sometimes? Definitely. But it’s all part of this process, and part of actually getting to completely understand my body.

I still am happy with myself. To be able to get up every day and fight again, and try again. It’s not easy, but this is a war that’s not won over a single battle. Okay, so here’s to another day! I’m about to get up lol 😆

I’ll have to figure out how to find the old notes I deleted wayyy back in the day, I have an idea! More to come on that later!