Nov 12th
Well I woke up feeling really good this morning! Not a bunch of nonsense in my tum, so I need to make sure I get up at a reasonable time. I need to order my backpack and those handrails…
Okay so those are ordered, I’ll look at backpacks later! No worries there.
I’m really glad to finish my one book and start the other! And I’m really glad to be moving thru these a bit! It’s really fun having got back in the groove a little!
So, this morning I went for a run in my head, but like, the whole morning run! It’s kinda crazy, I seriously do have the whole run, down to where my feet are at, the views everywhere, the sights and sounds, not quite the smells, all up in my head. Visually being there in my mind is a feeling I truly love, and I need to get that back! I really love being able to visualize the feelings and sensations of getting out and running with my boy Max. the feeling of his body brushing up against my right leg, the tug around my waist from when he and I are out of step. We really did run all the dang time. I really can feel and smell the feelings of running down the North Point Water Tower Road. Max and I really did have that whole part of town to ourselves!
I need to see what other exercises I can do while laying in bed, cuz I think there’s something to that! All these things are good tools to get my mind and muscles working together! Repetition, repetition, repetition!!
I’m trying every day. This is a wild wonky weird situation, but I’m not gonna slow myself down! New day, new challenges, new feelings and new opportunities!! The spinal cord sometimes has a mind of it’s own. It’s important for me to capitalize on this, and work on any and all gains!
I do feel more of my right side of my tum more and more, and the whole thing really does start to feel like it’s relaxing, and cooperating. My legs seriously have feels thru both legs all the way down to my toes. It’s really cool to feel!!! All the way to the bed of my foot! And it’s there, that I still have the tingles, the pins and needles. Even if it’s slow and much more faint. I notice the more fatigued my legs get, that those feelings do get more significant? Huh
So I need to be better about getting up on my own, but it’s okay where you need help, sheets are tricky at the moment!
Just one day at a time before you get back to Milwaukee and you really get to keep moving with your independence!!!!
Nov 13th
So, I woke up feeling alot of things this morning! Trying to relax my illosopsoas, and actually get my legs into a good extension position! I was embracing the spasms, and working to get my knee in flexion, like what is happening when my left leg spasms, it draws my knee up to my chest!
What’s interesting is I combined doing that, with also trying to get my knee in extension. So mixing both flexion and extension, and activating the different muscles down there that I can feel.
Since I can actually feel what my muscles are trying to do, I figured just a couple of days ago, let’s really put in some good effort to get my legs to move the way you are FEELING! Since I am no longer focusing solely on what my legs are feeling, which is extremely significant, I’m now shifting my focus to the motor function I’m starting to also get back!
So right now, I’m laying on my back, and my legs are still pretty relaxed! Not quite both fully extended, but there’s a lot more than I usually am feeling! And I’m okay with that!
Im trying to get a good understanding of all these leg muscles and what they all do. The upper leg muscle groups I’m much more familiar with than the lower for the foot positioning, but I will get there next!
I spent some time reading about the autonomic nervous system, and how it’s broken down into various parts, with the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems being key to this all. I want to know if what I’m experiencing does indeed line up with what other folks experience when this system is healing! I noticed that the parasympathetic system is one that I need to spend some time with too! Breathing and meditation does seem to be really good for these things, so maybe that’s been helping?!
Nov 14th
What’s really cool is waking up, meditating , and thinking about all these things! Going from a 0 to a 5 on the motor function scale? What’s that take?
Nov 15th
So it’s been an interesting morning so far, with so many feels in my tum, my quads, my lower legs, and in my feet too! What’s interesting is I really feel my big toes today….. that’s been a good thing out of the morning of uncomfort. I did get on my tum and manage to tangle myself up pretty good in the blankets! Ha!
So like, the urge to go definitely creeps up on me until I want to explode…. I did take a tramadol this morning, I just really wasn’t feeling like having to deal with the back pain, rib and side pain, and all the things going on in my tum.
Having to sit in a bedroom, that’s kinda chilly, naked, and use a bucket and a washcloth to clean myself up in the morning while I’m feeling extremely uncomfortable is well, not really a relaxing time… being cold, uncomfortable, and in a bit of pain, is not exactly the most fun way to start the morning.
I do realize how much better I can feel when I slow down, breathe more slowly, and focus in on that. It’s pretty tough otherwise because there’s so many other feelings going on, it’s rather distracting. I end up getting goose bumps real quick and shiver a lot. Not so fun.
What is cool tho, is that feeling in my toes and inside of my legs! Which is cool cuz as I was reading, that is the S4 nerve that controls all that! So I’m really getting all the way down to the bottom of my Spinal Cord for sensation and motor function! I think I was getting a little something out of them?? What’s interesting is the feeling of my one big toe is completely different from the rest of my toes! The only tingling I feel is in my toes, bottom of my foot, and a bit on the backside of my ankle? What’s that about!?
These ribs and chest on my right side is nice and spicy this morning. Must of been all the chest leaning yesterday. That’s alright, pain is sensation, and sensation is me getting better, so I’m not gonnna bitch and moan too much! It’s a wild time, and I’m happy to be alive.
Taking a shower in the morning is definitely one of the joys that I have been missing most, so I’m trying to think of other things that help, and reading and writing, and chatting with the ones I love does really help.
“To comfort those who suffer too”
So, to try and get my Breather exercises, some modified pressure relieving and leg exercises, and scapula retractions and chin tucks, it all seems to add up and feel like a lot!
I’ve been noticing so much sensation in my lower GI tract, and quite a bit of tightness in my tum/ midsection. Maybe in the chair too much today? I’ve been up most all of today….
What’s interesting is the acceptance and viewing of the accident. Like, to think about that event happening, what happened to me, and where I am and what I’m doing, is pretty fucking wild.
I really do think about this opportunity to actually think about things that other people never sometimes get to do. People never take the time to spend this much time working on something. To be okay with themselves, to continue to grow, to have such an amazing relationship. These are all amazing things that have happened these past few months.
Nov 16th
I woke up, had a good output, but I didn’t feel like I was gonna EXPLODE, just had to pee! I did try to go maybe 2-3 times more yesterday than usual!
My legs are feeling soooooo much today! The amount of sensations in my quads and calves right now is insane. That feeling you get, being thrown back into your chair? Well it’s really significant for me. I was doing a lot of modified ‘bar holds’ and really putting weight thru my legs! I was really focusing on pushing thru my feet and extending my quads and squeezing my butt!
So today it’s paid off, I’m reallly reallyy feeling it! I do have an idea on how to get my self sitting to standing at my parents house, I’ll report back on that later…..
I woke up reasonably early enough to not feel like absolute shit in the morning, and I went pee probably an extra 2-3 times yesterday….. that kinda helped me not feel like junky junk this morning 🤔 there might be something too it. I’m trying to act on the smallest urge to pee, just the faintest feeling, and going with it
What’s really not fun is getting the chills and a bunch of back pains when you are wrapping up breakfast… the time of the day you want to just relax and enjoy the feeling of being satiated, well, nope…. It’s time to get the chills, and start the general malaise of discomfort
Well I had a really wild rest of the day, lotssssss of feelings from the legs! It was intense! Woof!
Nov 17th
Well, it’s 6:15am, and I’m back in bed. I had to get up at about 5:45 to go to the bathroom cuz I felt like I was gonna explodeeeeee. Good thing I was able to wake up, get up, and go! it really is a good thing to feel that all released and simmering down. It’s not the most ideal thing to have on your mind at all times, but my big brain up top is filling in for my autonomic brain at the moment. They gotta start talking to each other better, scratch that! They are!
To be able to have gotten the reminder and gotten up to be able to go is a good sign. Albeit I was really struggling to get up. Just lots of pain and uncomfort to fight thru. But it’s worth it. To be able to regain function is worth it. The body is a wild mysterious place, and I’m no longer just trying to find the areas of sensation anymore, it’s navigating thru this giant field of sensations, with each one being confused for tingling, pain, tightness, heat, and anger. Soooo I’m gonna keep trying to piece it all together.
What’s really interesting is how I’m laying back down, and my tum/ abdominal region has really slowed. I felt my tum gurgle earlier, some settling happening, I burped a few times, and I no longer feel like I need a pain pill, but I do have quite a few sensations going down!
My body feels genuinely wild, and I can hear my stomach settling as I speak. My body is able to get a bit more attention to the other parts of my body which are healing and getting sensation back too.
What’s really interesting, is this is all in my lower back. My lower back and spinal vertebrae are the ones that have the peripheral nerves that branch out to my legs. Which is cool to know, to be able to help understand where and why the sensation and motor function returning is making sense!
The more sensitive my back and abdomen, the more nerves wake up, and the more signals they are sending and receiving from my legs.
I was even feeling the sense of chilliness and cold in my legs yesterday, which was also new, and the more feeling and sensation has just been on the up and up. Need to spend some focus on my hamstrings, they are very tight!
Good for now, slow down and try to get a little more rest. This body has alot of healing to do.
What’s really interesting, is how little the average person, if not most people, don’t under this type of injury or situation. Even for most. It’s just such a bizarre thing to have happened!
Wow, it’s wild. The amount of pain I’m feeling in my lower back makes me believe that everything is coming back, back there.
There isn’t much that I want to do when I’m in this much pain. It’s interesting too, because writing about it is almost cathartic. Yep, yes it is. Definition checks out
So the lung strengthening definitely is doing stuff. I feel like my entire insides change drastically by exposing myself to that. I can actually feel my right lung trying to raise and fill with my left!
Also, I feel so fucking much in my lower back, and there’s a bit of pain there as well…..
Holy smokes, it’s midnight and I just set the book down…. Spooky! 👻
Nov 18th
Hey love, I just wanted to take a moment and tell you a something quick.
I really have been thinking a lot about everything, and having you in my life has really been one of the most encouraging, and important things i have ever thought about in my entire life.
I’m really grateful for being here. For being alive. And I’m ever more grateful for having you. Thru all of this! Before the accident, and after! And I’m never going to give up, to get back walking, get back to life, get back to our dreams!
I really am grateful for you, you have seriously done so much for me, and you don’t even realize it. Just today in the shower, I had to explain to Jake that I was doing all this at your house, and you helped me, but you GAVE me the opportunity to actually do these things! Because you love me and see things in me I sometimes really lose sight of. You’re always rooting for me, and I know I am going to be doing to same for you in any situation you need me!
I really am thinking about all of this, this accident, and I’m so grateful for knowing that we are as close as we have grown. It’s not the accident that is making us “be close” or “reliant” on each other, but it’s afforded us the time to spend with one another and actually TALK. And talk! And talk!
You really have been here for me, and I’m so dang glad that I’ve been able to grow with you so much.
Like, I don’t think of the accident as being this big “thing” that is preventing us from being together, but it’s been a huge opportunity for us to have grown the way we are!!!!
Today marks the 6 months since it’s happened…
The Astronaut on Earth 
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