Nov 7th
Well, how do you describe pain? Because that’s where I’m at right now…. Anyone I talk to in this household seriously has no understanding of pain or what I’m going thru. It’s extremely frustrating. This bed isn’t just “uncomfortable” but I laid awake for maybe 3hrs last night tossing and turning all spasmed up and tight, and it was fucking excruciating. Every person that comes by my parents house doesn’t seem to understand. It’s really fucking hard.
Meanwhile, I’m sitting here peeing, in excruciating pain, cuz I had to go so much. And the abdominal pain is rough. Also, the urge to poop right now is immense. What a fun way to wake up? Fun time too, to see that quote, and to realize I just got done saying I’m gonna try to stop complaining…… I guess I’m buying my parents a new bed for this place…..
Nov 8th
I was able to support my whole upper body while I was doing my breathing exercises! I haven’t ever done that before! Those are tough, and really get my heart rate up! I really feel it in my quads, my hamstrings, MY CALVES! My feet! Seriously, everything is feeling it! And my heart rate is up!
I was trying to push thru my feet in the chair, and twist, and I was really engaging my legs and feeling that thru my legs! My heart rate was even up to 130 with that exercise alone!
Also, I’m smelling a lot more these days, which is kinda wild.
What’s wild is this is also an opportunity for me to branch out and get additional help from therapists outside of the ones that are currently helping me. Being able to take action
Nov 9th
Yep, this is a real thing. Getting really spicy from having to go poop and pee?? Like, what’s up with that??
Also, I’m starting to toot!! Like, I can feel everything in my GI really waking up! And I’m hyper sensitive to it all.
Nov 10th
Whoa 🤯 I woke up and I didn’t feel like I was going to explode! The urge to pee was still there, but it wasn’t so gosh darn awful!
I also am feeling a rumbly in my tumbly! I was feeling that!
Holy cannoli! My fucking legs feel like Jello right now! They are legitimately TIRED!! Like, I feel like I do after a good fucking run or bike ride!!! therapy today was really great!
The therapist was saying, Joe these first 5 were all you!!! And then when I was standing and holding it, that was All me for the last 10-20 seconds as well!!! He goes,” you don’t need us anymore!” I was doing squats on my own! He mentioned that all that activation, and muscle movement wouldn’t be possible with just my upper body alone. I would definitely need to be using my legs for this!
What’s crazy right now is how relaxed, tired, and normal I feel! I am sitting in the car right now, feeing my knees and legs up against the door and center console. I can feel my innards inside my abdomen all settling down, and my body feels tired! 😴 just amazing!
What’s wild is how normal I feel right now, there is just the feeling of tiredness, and the feeling of my bowel and bladder are simmering down. the pain levels are all very manageable, my butt isn’t all tingly, I feel so much in my legs, and them just being tired! Not a bunch of weird wild tingly sensation!
I feel my hamstrings being tight and tired, and all the road noise right now too.
What’s crazy is I’m bridging this fine line, this intersection between miracles and real life. My brothers were mentioning how everything I’m doing to them looks and feels like a miracle! And, I’m not one to argue about that. But it gets me thinking about what miracles really are, and what it takes for them to happen. Because, I realize wild things do happen everyday. And it may or may not be because of our doing. But when we time it just right to be working on the right things, consistently enough, and with enough intention, big changes really do happen.
What’s great is how relaxed and good I’m able to feel right now. With no drugs or nothing. I really like that, I’m about to cry 😭 knowing how good it feels to be alive and our body is able to take care of itself 😭 I’m all teared up now….. it feels really good to know that my body is able to still do this for me, for myself. Just laying here, knowing I’m not in a ton of pain, and I’m actually relaxed, and healing! And I’m feeling, so much! It’s such a settling feeling to know that we all have that inside of us, I just haven’t felt this way in so long I forgot what this felt like. I’m legit crying right now because this means so much to me.
It hasn’t been very often, if at all, that I’ve felt this way. I feel so good in my abdomen, my abs, shoot I just heard my stomach digest, and so much feeling in my legs! The day at therapy today was incredible. I was doing so much on my own. By doing the sit to stands and holding myself up for maybe 10-20s, I was really fucking doing it. I was holding myself up. It’s pretty powerful feeling
Thinking about owning a company, producing the board, the storage, and the truck capper, or whatever… being able to wake up in the morning and go for a run, and spend my evenings with my lady and pup, going for bike rides, sitting inside once I’m pooped, making a tasty dinner, and just living life sounds so amazing to me!
Persist and Resist / Refusing to Comply
Nov 11th
I bought a dump truck with Schmüle!!! What does that have to do with walking again?? I’m not sure, but it’s the start of something really cool!!
I was burping!
And I was feeling like that awful black cauldron inside…
I am always trying to figure out better ways to reduce the pain/ make it tolerable that’s caused by this darn spinal cord injury, but it’s something that I really have to use my mind for.
The Astronaut on Earth 
Leave a comment