September 23rd 2023 – The Snow Pant

Sept 23rd

Need to look up muscle activation while running and biking to get those images of the muscles being activated in my head! I’m already trying to do that, but it will only help!

So today I would describe the way my legs feel as being in a warm snow pant. Like my right leg at this point is almost fully immersed in feeling. There is sensation all the way up and down my leg! I’m taking the quotes away because it’s real, and I need to keep telling myself that it is real! Starting from the back of my foot, my toes, the top of my foot and ankle, up my shin, and tibia, my knee! My right upper leg is wrapped in a blanket, and feels completely immersed. And yesterday I had significantly felt the feeling of my buttocks like I have in my lower foot!

So my right leg is dreamily leading the charge, but my left leg is also trying! The sensations may be lagging a bit, but it’s trying to mirror what is being done on my right leg! The spasms for both legs have been significantly reduced, and I definitely feel which muscles now in my left leg are trying to activate, and which ones are tensing up. But they don’t seem to be as active in my tum now. The pulling and tearing I had felt from my abdomen is slowing down as well! I still have to remind myself that I am healing. My brain is very much ahead of my body, and my brain has to stay focused on keeping the body doing these things as well!

What’s wild is I had a dream even now of trying to give max a bike ride, not even a full on bike ride with me pedaling, but me in the shape I am now, and getting help to put my feet on the pedals, and him and I going! I feel as though trying to do that is going to send a wave an energy thru my muscles in my legs, a ton of muscle memory will kick in! And possibly who knows what would happen after that, but I can see myself standing up on the pedals of the bike, with my best bud pulling us along, like we had done so many times before! I’m actually full of tears 😭 right now thinking of that, tears of joy and happiness because I don’t think it’s that far away!

I really am feeling and believing the things that I can do and know I am capable of. My entire back now feels the muscles there, I can feel things digesting and my tum being hungry. My abdomen and obliques are really engaging.

The pins and needles is still there, but it’s slower now, as other sensations are coming back! I really haven’t taken a gabopentin now in over a month, and I haven’t needed to. My body is trying to communicate, and I can’t stop that!

The feelings of fullness and needing to “go” are all the more prevalent each day as well!

I did what I think is one of the first days alone sleeping that I slept without a pillow on my chest. And I’m not typing and resting my hands on one either! My chest typically is extremely sore, and it’s definitely tight still! I need to ramp up my breathing exercises.

So I did have a bit of a lull and a decrease in my spirits yesterday for a bit, but I know those feelings will pass. Fortunately I can get a decent nights rest so I’m happy for that! I really have been enjoying the clearness of mind that I have been having. With all the thoughts in my head, it’s extremely difficult to process them if I’m distracted by unnecessary things at this time.

I can feel my lungs on each side of my chest expanding more evenly than I ever have before. I remember being in the rehab hospital and it was almost exclusively from my diaphragm to breathe, because my chest is so tight. But now my left and right side are expanding evenly more so, with the right ribs being much tighter than the left. I do have to remember to make as deep of breaths as possible, to keep my lungs and chest in as good of shape as I can!

Mom and I made it to Stoney Creek! It was a really nice day! We got out and moved around, got some fresh air, and ran into Oscar! We were doing a little bit of bird watching, and Oscar also got a flat tire. Dangit.

What was fun is after we walked back to the car with him, mom and I sat by the lake, and just took in the sights. It was so peaceful and relaxing, being able to take some time out in the sun, and just breathe the fresh air. I have a lot of fun with my mom, she’s seriously just the sweetest lady ever. We sat out and chatted for a bit before we ran over to Laura’s for dinner!