This is the account from my youngest brother, Paul (Schmüle, as we affectionately call him, from time to time). This conversation, as with my brother John, has been extremely hard to have. These two are my younger brothers, whom I have so much love for, and we’ve been closer than you can believe for our entire lives. All these conversations were tough with my siblings, but these two have been especially so.
Paul’s pulled himself up by his bootstraps just about more times than I think I’ve seen in just about any other person. He’s a fierce lover, hard worker, and the wrong guy to get on his bad side. He loves stronger than most, and has a heart of gold.
Here’s his perspective on this accident, thanks so much Paul, for this, and everything you do.
Where were you, when you first found out about the accident?
Paul
Yeah, I was on hole 18 tee box seeding it, when Jessica called me. Mind you this was the same time that Grammy was having breast cancer problems.
So, Jessica calls me and says, “You gotta come over to mom and dad’s.”
Obviously, my first response was, “I’m working. I’ll be there after work.”
She goes, “No you gotta come right now, I can’t say what’s going on, so just get over here.”
So, I left, I left my seeding, and I went straight to mom and dad’s. First person I saw was Jesse holding her breath, you know, how she cries? Then, mom and dad in the living room, mom frantically packing.
Dad looked at me with a flutter in his lip. “So it’s Joe”
I looked at him and said, “did he die?” Without knowing any context, he said, “no it’s really bad.”
I said, “But, he’s alive right?”
Dad said, “yeah he’s alive.”
I said, “Ok good. Now, What’s the deal?”
Dad said, “Mom and I are going right now.”
Paul – “Bear with me trying to get this in my truck……”
Dad said, “Mom and I are heading there. We don’t really know. We just know he’s in the hospital.”
I said, “but he’s alive, so yeah ok, good that’s all that matters.”
Dad gave me the quick story of how he had came to find out, you know with the cop showing up, asking you know are you related, remember?
Joe
Yeah..
Paul
And Yeah, That’s where I was, That’s what I know, brother.
Joe
Crazy how you guys all knew exactly where you were at the moment you all found out. Honestly, as soon as you said you were on Hole 18 and everything about seeding, I just pictured myself over there with you, and I just it brings a tear to my eye if I’m being honest, it’s crazy.
Paul
Yeah, at the time, I thought it was Grammy. I thought Grammy was dying or dead or something, that’s what I thought. Oh my gosh, shoot, so I went to Tommy and I said, “Hey, I just got a distressed call from my family and I don’t know what’s going on, but I gotta take off.” He said no worries and then I took off.
Family’s First Steps / Plan of Action
Paul
Well, I was ready to jump in the truck at any given moment, but mom and dad left, and said we will let you guys know what is going on. They said as soon as we let you know, you will know what to do from there. They got there and got your initial diagnosis I got in that dang Subaru and I drove straight to Milwaukee with Jessica.
Joe
Yeah, it sounded like it was an interesting drive?
Paul
Jess was not a good shotgun passenger, I was hardly doing 85.
Joe
That’s funny. She said you guys were doing some type of singing?
Paul
Oh yeah, yeah we were. Yeah, we were.
First Trip to Milwaukee
Paul
It was shocking, to say the least.
Joe
Right……
Paul
It was a relief to know you were alive. That was a big relief.
Joe
Appreciate that, Paul.
Paul
You were terribly injured and didn’t really know what the heck was going on, but even from the time you were in the hospital, you asked, “where was John and Paul? Where is John and Paul?” and you asked that the whole time, that’s all you. That’s all you knew, you didn’t remember dad… did he say that?
Joe
Oh really? No, I didn’t know that..
Paul
You didn’t know who dad was. You told them that’s not my dad.
Joe
Geez, Oh my goodness.
Paul
And it made him upset I think for a couple different reasons, we didn’t know if you were gonna die. He didn’t know if he’s ever gonna be able to say anything to you again. And that’s just a hard thing to swallow. I bet you know so.
Joe
Oh yeah, definitely….
Paul
And then you got all excited. I drove the Subaru to Milwaukee and you wanted to go out and go out on the town ,and you wanted to get out of that damn chair so bad but you couldn’t.
You
goodness…
Paul
At that time, you could hardly move anything.
Joe
Goodness
Paul
Yeah, that was that first initial reaction and I had no problem sitting there all day and all night, just like mother. It didn’t hurt my feelings, it didn’t, because whether or not you knew what was going on, it helped. And for that we are grateful.
Joe
I know, seriously I really appreciate that Paul.
Following Weeks
Paul
Well, for me when I was there I stayed along time before I went home, But I stayed quite a while. I don’t remember exactly how long I stayed at your house.
Joe
You told me about this, yeah.
Paul
“you were a lil F$&@, you were a lil different” — You wouldn’t talk to anyone else but John & I, you would ask,” Where’s John and Paul?”
Jake would say, “what ever you guys need me to do, I’m here”
Paul said, “I want to hang out with my brother! I was probably the last person to poop in your toilet. I smoked a cigarette on your porch, and played the Bob Seger album we played when we came for the Flat out Friday. I went to Ian’s and ate some pizza that you couldn’t eat, I went and walked all the streets you lived at. I walked all the streets you walked, and I know you did it too.” Because at that time I didn’t know if I was ever going to get to live more life with you and I thought at the time if this is as close as I can get to you, I know and I wanted to walk in your shoes a little bit, you know, for a few nights and just take in differently.
“just this little sucker Schmüle” “the first weekend we were there, we were walking all the streets you used to walk. I taught them both then and there how to talk Max, his Gee’s and Haw’s, I would say, “Joe’s very adamant about the hand motions, he needs and listens to.”
“Max has a twinkle in his eye that says Joe in it” “he doesn’t sleep in his hole right now” “I took all your plants home and was able to give them away to all the siblings” “I took your truck to the car wash, I was driving it up and down all over the place, the whole situation. I was there all by myself, doing that life that you would have done, because I couldn’t imagine that I could leave that life that I had too. I wanted you to get back to it all as soon as you could.“
Joe
Dang Paul, I appreciate it, you’re making me tear up.
Paul
So that was a tough time.
Joe
Yeah.. Yeah, goodness.
Paul
And then the following weeks, you know outside on top of that, I mean we did as much as we could with what we were given. As much as we could do, we had we had to put our faith in God and in the doctors. It was tough you know, we are all helpless just like you.
Joe
Right…
Paul
And you know there is only little things we could do, like, You know with your motorcycle claim getting that into initiation and meeting with the first lawyer trying to get some information. Just trying to do things that. I guess that’s all we could do and that’s what I did.
Joe
Seriously, I appreciate that.
Paul
And just.. yeah, it was not easy. With that though, I don’t have any regrets by any means no, I was steadfast in it.
Joe
Appreciate that Paul
Other Reflections
Joe
it’s just, this conversation with you and John has been the hardest and I cried without even talking much at all. I’ve cried talking to all you guys about this… it’s just… it’s just hard ‘cause you guys are my little brothers…
Paul
We Are..
Joe
It’s weird, I don’t know.
Paul
I’d say another thing that was a dramatic event was when you moved back to Milwaukee with Callie. It wasn’t a lack of comfortability of you living with Callie. We grew to get to know her and trust her and low and behold she’s your wonderful wife now, so that that’s all perfect.
It was the Monday morning coming back. Just thinking; what happens a year from now? what happens two years from now? It’s admirable how hard you pushed yourself, by yourself there. Obviously Callie is there, but over there by yourself you don’t have us there. You know? Coming over for dinner once, twice, three times a week for motivation or encouragement or any other tangible experiences you know? You’re doing it all remotely and that’s incredibly difficult and I just worried that by being in such distress in a lonesome position that you may regret moving away or something, and I didn’t want you to go through that. Then again every time, Every Time, and I said it when you were in the hospital, “you guys need to stop worrying.”He’s been a miracle his whole life and he makes things happen! And, you still have! You have a way about sticking through things that are very challenging.
Joe
Thank you
Paul
And you have a good perspective of what the future may hold, so that’s why seeing you do all this, I’m not worried because the next decision you make in life, the big stuff; buying house, jobs, work, it’s all gonna be the right one.
Joe
Thanks for That, dude. Seriously.
Paul
It made everybody very uncomfortable Because we couldn’t, we couldn’t continue you know, taking every weekend off or taking weeks off to go and visit you the way we would want to and we knew that that distance was gonna create separation And at least I knew for some that it was gonna be worse than others and it did, but you remains remain Strong and what the fuck you’re doing man are awesome
Joe
Thanks dude yeah it’s been hard. That has been hard. Callie and I we we flirt with the idea all the time about like moving to Detroit or something.
Paul
Just living
Joe
something.
Paul
Yeah, yeah I mean just lightly talking about it. You know?
Joe
We’ll see?
Paul
The — having the options, as simple as Sunday dinner, to going to a concert, to watching your nieces and nephews. And it opens up all those different little opportunities. If that’s what you still want, and then I thought about it, would it be a distraction? you know?
Joe
You know that’s forsure.
Paul
Why can’t I be that selfish? I have to think about the other person.
Joe
Well, I mean Callie and I would like that we want to get this business rolling. It’d be sweet if we had a place here in Milwaukee in Detroit then we could split time between both, it would be fun.
Paul
I mean, if you can swing it in be amazing right?
Joe
Right, thank you dude. Seriously. I really appreciate this.
Paul
Yeah, absolutely.
The Astronaut on Earth 
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